(I work at a popular makeup store doing people’s makeup and hair. A woman walks up to the counter and taps the table to get my attention.)

Me: “Hi! How can I help you today?”

Customer: “I need my makeup done for a date. I haven’t seen him in a while and I want to look different.”

Me: “What do you mean by different? ”

(I’m thinking that she means a hairstyle, so I begin to grab some of our booklets with the styles we offer.)

Customer: “Like your skin!”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Customer: “What do you use to make it so brown? The tanning spray I use makes my skin look orange.”

Me: “This is my natural skin tone, ma’am.”

Customer: “Whatever, you don’t have to tell me. Just do my makeup. I don’t want to be late.”

Me: “I’m sorry, but I can’t do that.”

Customer: “Why not?”

Me: “I can’t change your natural skin tone; it’s not possible.”

Customer: “Fine! Screw you! If he doesn’t like how I look I’ll get you fired!”

Coworker: “Easy, Breezy, Colored girl.”

(After spending nearly 20 minutes summarizing the plot of various crime novels from memory, because the customer doesn’t want to read the back covers, I finally convince her to choose a book to purchase.)

Customer: “If I don’t like it, I’m coming back here to yell at you!”

Me: *confused, but using my cheery work voice* “Well, if you do like it, I hope you come back and let me know!”

Customer: “Why would I do that?”

(Apparently being mean is worth the trip, but being appreciative isn’t.)

Guest: “I want to return this.”

Me: “No problem; do you have your receipt or card with you?”

Guest: “Nope.”

Me: “Well, I can still return with a driver’s license and give you the value of the item on a gift card.”

Guest: “That’d be great.”

(I process the return, and hand the receipt and gift card to guest. Five minutes later the same guest comes back.)

Guest: “You didn’t give me my gift card.”

Me: “Really? I’m pretty sure I did; I’ll check.”

(I check.)

Me: “Sorry, I don’t have it up here; I’m sure I gave it to you.”

Guest: “You definitely didn’t; I can’t find it.”

(Security walks up and asks the guest what the problem is. He then goes back to his office and looks at the camera, and then returns.)

Security: “I could clearly see he gave the gift card to you.”

Guest: “Found it.”

(Amazing that as soon as security got involved it suddenly appeared!)

(A customer comes in wanting a refund.)

Customer: “I want a refund.”

Owner: “Okay, what seems to be the problem?”

Customer: “I spilled sauce on my shirt.”

Owner: “Was there anything wrong with the food?”

Customer: “No, no… but I spilled sauce on my shirt and the stain wouldn’t come out.”

Owner: “Well, I work here every day and wash my shirts and they come out. What did you use?”

Customer: “Oh, I didn’t wash it. I went out and bought a new shirt. I had to go to work. I want a refund for my shirt.”

Owner: “The shirt you… bought?”

Customer: “Yes. I didn’t have time to go home and wash it. It was your sauce. I want a refund.”

Owner: “…”

Customer: “So you going to refund me for my new shirt?”

Owner: “No.”

Customer: “What are these?”

Me: “They’re little glass desserts.”

Customer: “Oh… How do you eat a glass dessert?”

Me: “You… don’t.”