Customer: “I tried to register my serial number on the website last night but it wouldn’t take it.”
Me: “Not a problem, sir. I can go ahead and get that registered for you. Can I have the serial number, please?”
Customer: “No, I don’t have it right now. Don’t you have it?”
Me: “…”
(I’m ordering food at a restaurant where you order at a counter, get food, and sit down. I’m finishing ordering.)
Employee: “Would you like it for here or to go?”
Me: “For go. Wait no to here. Sorry, I screwed up; I meant for here.”
(My friend, who is next to me, bursts out laughing. The employee is chuckling, trying not to laugh.)
Employee: “Okay, for go.”
(He finishes making my food, and I walk away, sit down and realize I forgot a fork and knife for my deep dish pizza. I walk back to the counter.)
Employee: “Did you actually want it to here?”
Customer: “Has anyone ever told you that you look like an actress?”
(I get told this a bit.)
Me: “Hilary Swank?”
Customer: “No, not her. She’s in that movie.”
Me: “…”
Customer: “The one Clint Eastwood did.”
Me: “Million Dollar Baby?”
Customer: “Yeah, that’s the one.”
Me: “Do you mean Hilary Swank?”
Customer: “Yeah, that’s her. You’re like the B version.”
(A regular couple of ours has a deal with my boss: modeling some of the bondage gear, as well as testing items we’re not too familiar with, and in return they get an employee’s discount. The woman walks in and softly requests to see my boss. Once he’s out of the backroom, she bends over and whispers:)
Customer: “Hey, that chastity belt you wanted us to test? It’s comfortable, but the key broke.”
Boss: “All right. I’ll take it back, then.”
Customer: “Yeah, that’s the problem. I’m still wearing it.”
(We got her out in no time at all, and pulled them off of the shelves because the boss didn’t trust the keys anymore.)
(I’m typing in a patient’s vitals in the exam room and have just asked her to rate her pain on a 1-10 scale.)
Patient: “Well, it feels kinda like someone took a piece of rebar and shoved it in my hip from here all the way to here.”
(As she was speaking, she had come over to where I was standing at the computer, and ran her finger firmly down my butt to my calf! I was too surprised to move and she clearly didn’t intend anything by it, but it’s a lot more intimate than I usually get with patients! And she never did give me a number. That was all I wanted.)
