(I work at a candy shop at the largest theme park in Canada. It’s around 6:00 pm which is when parents with younger children tend to leave. It’s my first job so sometimes I’m slow to pick up on things.)

Guest: *with a child* “The stores closed now, right?”

(While we often get this with parents who don’t want to get kids anything, she didn’t have a rising inflection in her voice or wink at me.)

Me: “No, we’re open.”

Guest: “But you’re closing soon, right?”

Me: “We close when the park closes which is at 11.”

Guest: “Great. Now I have to buy him something! Thanks a lot, b****!”

(I work at a bank that’s open seven days a week and very rarely closes, even in terrible weather. We closed for one day because of a bad storm; even the governor had called a state of emergency. This is the day after closing.)

Me: “Hi, sir, how’s it going today? Just the deposit?”

Customer: “It would be going much better if you didn’t close yesterday!”

Me: “I’m sorry to hear that, sir. Unfortunately the weather did not permit us to open.”

Customer: “Well, it’s too bad for you, then! I had to drive ALL THE WAY to [Different Bank 5 minutes away] to deposit my $300,000 check. You guys will NEVER see a penny of that!”

Me: “I’m very sorry to hear that, sir. Was there anything else I could help you with today?”

Customer: “NO! Next time, don’t close! I’ve been a customer for 20 years and you MADE me go somewhere else.”

(At this point I’m just agitated that we’ve finished the transaction, there’s a line forming, and he won’t shut up.)

Me: “I’m sorry, sir. What would you like me to do? I have no power over the weather. I’m sorry to hear you risked your life driving to deposit that check. Next time I’ll ask Mother Nature to stop snowing so we can open just for you.”

Customer: “YOU BETTER MAKE IT STOP SNOWING!”

(And with that, he left. By far the strangest conversation I’ve had with someone while working there. The next customer tried to cheer me up by jokingly telling me they were taking their business elsewhere because we closed during a major snowstorm!)

(I work in an office with no public restroom. We have five ‘no public restroom’ signs posted, including one at customer eye level at each desk, and a huge one on the restroom door. A customer gets up from my desk and walks to the restroom door.)

Me: “Oh, sir, that is not a public restroom.”

Customer: “But it says restroom on the door.”

Me: “No, sir, it says ‘No Public Restroom.'”

Customer: “Well, where is the public restroom?”

Me: “We don’t have one.”

Customer: “Well, I’m not psychic. How could I have known that?”

(I see a woman with dozens of cups on the ground around her, taking each one off the shelf, and onto the floor.)

Me: “Can I help you?”

Customer: “Yes, I love these cups but i want 12 of them, all the same color. These are all different shades of blue.”

(She picks a cup from the shelf, and holds it up to the light. She then places it on the floor.)

Me: “Well, my manager doesn’t want customers to know this, but we have to sell those first. I’ll get you the special ones in the back.”

(I go to the back room, and grab twelve of the cups that are the exact same brand, style, and color as the ones on the shelves.)

Me: “Here you go. Just don’t tell my manager.”

(She picks each one up and holds them up to the light. Remember that these ones are identical to the ones she insisted were different colors.)

Customer: “They’re perfect. Thanks so much!”

(I am the unlucky customer stuck behind this transaction. It’s the holiday season, so the store is very busy.)

Customer: *after all items have been scanned* “Yes, what’s your return policy on this [Large Electronic Item]?”

Cashier: “For this item, it is a 30-day return policy, but you must have the receipt and all of the original packaging.”

Customer: “So if it doesn’t work, I can bring it back tomorrow?”

Cashier: “Yes.”

Customer: “Okay, let me just get my checkbook.”

Cashier: “If you are paying by check, there is a three to five day waiting period before we can issue a refund.”

Customer: “You just said I could return this tomorrow. Which is it?”

Cashier: “We have to wait for the check to clear before refunding you.”

Customer: “MANAGER! NOW!”

(The manager shows up and the cashier explains the question.)

Customer: “I want to buy this tonight and if I don’t like it, I want to return it tomorrow.”

Manager: “That’s not possible; it takes a few days to process checks. We don’t get many, so they only get deposited twice a week.”

Customer: “Just keep it in your safe and if I don’t like it, you can just tear it up when I bring back the item.”

Manager: “That’s not how that works…”

Customer: “Why not? This is 2016! Can’t you figure out a faster way to handle checks?”

(At this point, I step in.)

Me: “Yes, it’s 2016. Who writes checks anymore? Either buy it and wait to return it or use a credit card or debit card like everyone else, but don’t hold up the rest of us because you haven’t learned that writing a check is the slowest form of payment in existence — for everyone involved.”

Customer: *shocked look* “Can she talk to me like that?”

Manager: “She’s not an employee, so…”

(The lady pulls out a credit card and pays. Really? You had one the whole time, lady?! After she has left…)

Cashier: *to me* “Thanks. I’m not allowed to say what I think!”

Me: “I’ve worked retail management; it’s my duty now to speak up when customers suck.”

Cashier: “I’m so sorry; your candy fell into the bag before I could scan it. Have a great night!”