(I work as a cashier at a hardware store where moulding is sold either by the piece or by the foot. Customers can cut the pieces sold by the foot to their desired length and pay for only the amount they cut. They cannot do this with the ones that are sold by the piece, as it does not prompt for a length to be entered. This story starts with a customer approaching me with moulding that is sold by the piece.)

Me: “Hi, did you find everything you were looking for today?”

Customer: “I have 10 feet.”

Me: *I scan the item and see that it is only sold by the piece* “Sir, this is sold by the piece, not by the foot.”

Customer: “I have 10 feet.”

Me: “This moulding was 12 feet and is sold by the piece, not the foot.”

Customer: “But I only have 10 feet.”

Me: “I understand, but these are only sold by the piece. I can’t enter in a length. You can grab the other bit if you’d like.”

Customer: “I have 10 feet. I only want 10 feet.”

Me: “You’ll have to pay for 12 feet, then, as this is sold by the piece, not the foot.”

Customer: “I don’t understand why I’d have to do that.”

Me: “You can grab the other bit, but I have to charge you for the full piece as this is not sold by the foot and you have already cut it.”

Customer: “But I only have 10 feet!”

Me: “I understand that, but there is nothing I can do. It scans as a full piece.”

Customer: “But I only have 10 feet!” *gives up and pays*

Me: *face-palms*

(I start ringing up my items at the self-serve checkout when I notice that the first couple of items aren’t showing a discount. I press the attendant’s button.)

Me: “Hi, could you take these items off please? I need to double check the price; I thought they were 2 for $10.”

Attendant: “Sure, just leave them up on top and ring up the rest of your items.”

Me: “Oh… okay” *I head back into the store*

(After checking the price and seeing I had the right brand I went back to the checkouts. I scan the items and press the attendant’s button.)

Me: “Sorry, but these are supposed to be 2 for $10.”

Attendant: “I’ll fix that for you.” *starts adjusting price*

Me: “Oh, you are actually taking my word for it and not checking. Thank you.”

Attendant: “Yeah, seeing that you went and checked for yourself instead of making me do it. It’s only $4; this multi-million dollar company isn’t going to miss it. Anyway, they’ve probably not discounted one flavour. It’s the not the first time.”

Me: “Yeah. One time I was buying a pair of discounted shoes and was told that the size I wanted wasn’t on sale.”

Attendant: “Yep, figures. They do it all the time.”

(I am presenting a custom order cake to a mother for her son’s birthday.)

Mother: “Could I have it in pink?”

Me: “Did you order it in pink?”

Mother: “No, but it needs to be pink now.”

Me: “It would have to be remade, and you would still be charged for this one, as it has been completed to your specification.”

Mother: “Oh, but you don’t understand! My son just came out as a woman!”

Me: “That still doesn’t change the fact that you ordered this cake and have now changed your mind after it has been made.”

Mother: “Oh, but, couldn’t you show me some kindness? I’m trying to be supportive.

Me: “Okay, I’ll give you a large discount on this one, but you will still need to pay full price for the pink cake.”

Mother: “Oh, thank you.”

Me: “What time will you need the cake for?”

Mother: “Oh, literally now! I’m just heading over.

Me: “…”

(I eventually convinced her to get a generic “It’s A Girl” cake after wising her up to the fact that I can’t just magically pull a fully made cake out of my a**. Her daughter came into the bakery a week later to thank me. She found the cake hilarious.)

(I work at a large movie theater company and on this particular occasion, I am working Guest Services. This conversation takes place over the phone.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Movie Theater]. This is [My Name]. How may I help you?”

Guest: “Hi, um, I was wondering about the 7:40 showing of Mockingjay. Is it sold out or are there seats available?”

Me: “Well, that showing is in a larger movie house. So, we still have 516 seats left out of 520 seats.”

Guest: “Oh, um, okay. Are there enough seats for five of us to sit together?”

Me: “Uh… Yes, there are enough seats for five of you.”

Me: “Can I help you find anything?”

Customer: “I need an atlas without any maps.”

Me: *extremely puzzled* “Sorry, an atlas, which is a book of maps, without any maps in it?”

Customer: “Yes, do you have any?”

Me: “I don’t think so, but you’re in the section with all the atlases, so you’re free to look through them if you’d like.”