(We have a policy where we price match and then give ten percent off. A customer comes up to the register and shoves a smartphone with an ad under my face.)

Customer: “You have this for $400, and this website has it for $299. I want the difference and ten percent.”

Me: “Okay, I’ll have to verify that.”

(I check the ad, which is on a rather questionable-looking website, and note that while it does say the item costs $299, the link to actually buy it links back to my store’s website where the price is $400.)

Me: “Well, sir, I know it says that, but if you click to buy it, it takes you to my store’s site where it’s $400.”

Customer: “But you have a price match guarantee!”

Me: “Yes, but I can’t price match myself.”

Customer: “That’s stupid! Why can’t you match it?”

Me: “Because they’re not actually selling it for that price.”

Customer: “Well, they say they are! It shouldn’t matter!”

Me: “Well, actually, it does. Anyone could post a picture and a price for something online and claim it costs that much.”

Customer: “And why would someone do that? God, you’re so stupid! I can’t believe [Store] hires idiots like you! I’m going to [Competitor].”

Me: “Okay. I’ll let them know you’re coming.”

(While I’m working in the dairy department, an elderly customer comes over to ask me a question.)

Customer: “Excuse me. I have a coupon for this; can you tell me where it’s located?”

Me: “Okay, let me have a look at it.”

(The customer shows a coupon for a McDonald’s Frappe.)

Me: “Um, ma’am, that’s a coupon for a McDonald’s Frappe.”

Customer: “Oh, but if you sold it, where would it be in the store?”

Me: “We don’t sell those here. You might want to go to McDonald’s across the street.”

Customer: “Oh, okay…”

(The customer left the store, still looking confused.)

(A customer has knocked the lid off of a milk bottle and some has leaked onto the floor. She is very upset and embarrassed.)

Customer: “Oh, I’m so, so sorry! Can I clean it up? I’ll pay for it, too. It was my fault!”

(I look her dead in the eye and speak in a completely dead-pan voice.)

Me: “Hun, there’s no use crying over spilled milk.”

(My other customers laughed, and the look of relief on her face cheered me up no end!)

(My husband and I go to the supermarket deli to pick up dinner, and we get in line behind a lady picking out fried chicken pieces.)

Customer: “Are you sure that’s done?”

Deli Worker: “Yes, I’m sure.”

Customer: “It looks too light to be done. The outside should be darker.”

Deli Worker: “It’s done. It just came out of the oven.”

Customer: “Can you take out a piece to show me?” *to me* “Sorry this is taking so long.”

Me: *forces a polite smile*

Deli Worker: “Okay…” *takes a drumstick out of the hot case with tongs and holds it up*

Customer: “Let me see the inside.”

(The deli worker pulls apart the very HOT drumstick, wincing away from the heat several times in the process. The chicken is clearly white and cooked all the way through.)

Customer: “Let me see it.”

(The deli worker gives it to her. She proceeds to pick it apart and eat it.)

Customer: “I still don’t think it looks done, but I’ll take a dinner box.”

Deli Worker: *after the customer leaves* “Sorry for the wait. What can I get for you?”

Husband: “No worries. It wasn’t your fault.”

Me: *joking* “If I say the chicken doesn’t look cooked, can I get a free drumstick, too?”

Deli Worker: “I can give you a free sample, if you want.”

Me: “No, thanks.”

(We place our order.)

Deli Worker: “Have a nice day.”

Husband: “You, too. Hope the rest of the customers aren’t that difficult.”

Deli Worker: “Yeah… me, too.”

Me: “I think she used up the day’s quota of crazy.”

(After we check out, we hear our cashier ask another:)

Cashier: “What do I do with this box of chicken? The lady said it didn’t look done.”

Me: “Seriously?!”

Customer: “Yeah, lately my Internet has been really slow.”

Me: “It looks like we’re not providing your Internet, just some email boxes. If your Internet is going slowly, it looks like it’s not through us.”

Customer: “Well… the email was really slow, too.”

Me: “…”