A Large Idiot

, , , , | Right | February 15, 2018

(This customer comes through the drive-thru.)

Customer: “Hello. I’d like an iced capp, please.”

Me: “What size would you like?”

Customer: *raises his voice* “An iced capp.”

Me: “Okay, sir. What size would you like?”

Customer: *practically yelling* “What’s so f****** difficult to understand? I want a f****** iced capp.”

Me: *I raise my voice a little* “Okay, sir. I understand you want an iced capp, but what size would you like?”

Customer: “Oh, uh… large.”

(When he drove up to the window, he was completely silent and said nothing to the cashier.)

Unwilling To Change Until The Last Minute

, , , , | Right | February 15, 2018

(Our prints and copies cost $.05 for black and white and $.40 for color.)

Me: “Your total is $2.51.”

(The customer hands me $20.51, with a twenty dollar bill.)

Me: “Do you, by chance, have anything smaller?”

Customer: *with an annoyed look on his face* “No.”

Me: “Okay.”

(I give him his $18.00 change in single bills because that is all we have in the register.)

Customer: “Can you not give me a $10 bill?”

Me: “No, I can’t. Because of our prices, most people tend to pay with $1 bills.”

Customer: “Well, can I get that $20 back and pay with a $5?” *holding out a $5 bill to me*

Me: “No, because I asked you that in the first place.”

This Close To Giving You Side-Eye

, , , | Right | February 15, 2018

(My friend and I walk to a restaurant to grab a bite to eat. They have a special where you can get a sandwich or salad, and then something else on the side.)

Friend: “Can I have the salad and side special?”

Cashier: “Sure thing. What kind of salad would you like?”

Friend: “The Cobb salad, please.”

Cashier: “Okay. Would you like soup, mac and cheese, or coleslaw on the side?”

Friend: “Yes.”

Cashier: “Um… Soup, mac and cheese, or coleslaw?”

Friend: “Yes.”

Me: “[Friend], you can only have one.”

Friend: “Huh?”

Me: “You keep saying, ‘Yes,’ when he asks which side you want.”

Friend: “Oh! I’m so sorry! My head is somewhere else. I’d like a tomato soup on the side.”

(The three of us had a good laugh.)

Flights Of Fancy

, , , , , | Right | February 15, 2018

(This previous weekend we held a giant expo and trade fair, where our suppliers offered generous discounts for people who booked reservations or tickets. It was hugely successful. The major condition about it all, however, was that you had to book on those two weekend days, otherwise the prices went back to normal. I am sitting at my desk, four days after the expo, when this occurs. A customer walks in.)

Customer: *yelling* “I want to be served!”

Me: “Welcome! Take a seat! How can I help you today?”

Customer: “I want to talk about the Travel Expo.” *pulls out a full colour newspaper ad from previous weekend’s paper* “I want this price to fly to Los Angeles. For two people.”

Me: “Okay! Unfortunately, those prices were for that weekend only. They are no longer being advertised at that price.”

Customer: *yelling* “I KNOW THAT! I CAN READ!”

(The customer pulls out a sandwich and begins to eat it, dropping food all over my desk and the floor.)

Me: “Um… Would you like me to find flights that might suit you better?”

Customer: “Find me good flights!”

(I do a thorough search, and I am not able to match any prices that resemble the amazing deal offered that weekend. I find the best solution, and I offer it to her. In the meantime, she has been reading the fine print on the advertising.)

Me: “So, the price will be [higher price]. This is the closest I can get to the advertised fare that was being shown at the Expo.”

Customer: “That is disgusting! I want this fare!” *points at ad*

Me: “I would love to be able to give you that price, but as you can see, it was for a limited time.”

Customer: *attempts to stare me down while eating and dropping her sandwich all over my desk area* “I want this price.”

Me: “I cannot give you that price, I am afraid. It was last weekend only.”

Customer: *screeching* “I CAN READ THE FINE PRINT!”

Me: “Would you like me to book you the [higher price] flights? As you’re wanting to fly over the Christmas holiday period, these are very good prices.”

Customer: “NO! You disgust me!”

(The customer throws herself out of the chair and stomps out of the store. At this point my boss walks past.)

Boss: “Have you been eating at your desk?”

Don’t Bank On His Language Skills

, , | Newark, NJ, USA | Learning Right | February 15, 2018

Throwback ThursdaysThrowback Thursday! Here’s a terrific story you may not have seen before.  Do you have a story about a mistaken translation in a language lesson?  Danos su historio en los comentarios!


(I’m an after-school English tutor for our exchange students. The assignment today is a brief speech about what everyone in your family does, but no dictionaries are allowed while they’re writing the speech.)

German Student: “Okay. I can go first?”

Me: “Okay, [German Student], go ahead.”

German Student: “My mother is a nurse. She works at a big hospital in Essen. She takes care of new babies who are born with sickness. When she was young, she was a nurse in Moscow. My father is an ATM. He—”

Me: *interrupting* “A what?”

German Student: “ATM.”

Me: “A banker?”

German Student: “No! ATM! He met my mother at hospital! He is a wagon-driver!”

(He makes siren noises and flashes the classroom lights.)

Me: “Oh… an EMT?”

German Student: “Oh, yes. EMT.”

(He finishes the speech without incident. Next up is a nervous Spanish student.)

Spanish Student: “My father, uh, is… My father is an avocado.”

(His father is an ‘abogado’: a lawyer.)

1 Thumbs
Page 5/4,087First...34567...Last
« Previous
Next »