(My local radio station plays this clip from a caller.)
DJ: “Hello, [Station Call Sign]. You’re on the air!”
Caller: “Is the answer Claire Huxtable?”
DJ: “Oh, you were so close!”
Caller: “Dang!”
DJ: “Tell you what. Give us one more guess.”
Caller: “Um… is it… Peg Bundy?”
DJ: “There you go!”
Caller: “Yay! What do I win?”
DJ: “Beats me. We’re not doing any kind of trivia contest now.”
Caller: “Huh?”
(They apparently had called the wrong station.)
(Having recently been promoted, my first task is to contact a list of customers to say hello and let them know I will be taking over the position. While I know why my predecessor is no longer with the company, I am not allowed to tell the customers that I know this, or why she left. Most customers simply accept this and we get on with our conversation. This particular customer is an exception.)
Me: “Hi. My name is [My Name] and I’m calling from [Retailer]. Can I speak to [Customer], please?”
Customer: “Why?”
Me: “I’m taking over for [Previous Associate] and I thought I’d reach out to you to—”
Customer: “What happened to her?”
Me: “Oh, uh, unfortunately, she is no longer with the company and I’ve taken over.”
Customer: “Why’d she leave? Was she fired?”
Me: “I’m sorry, I wasn’t here when she left. I can’t say.” *which isn’t a lie*
Customer: “But you know?”
Me: *fake laugh* “I’m afraid all of that is above my pay grade, sir.”
Customer: “Well, what if I want her?”
Me: “Then I can have my manager contact you to see what we can do. May I ask why you wouldn’t want to continue? I understand some customers are loyal to certain associates but—”
Customer: “How about you tell me where she went, and I won’t call corporate on you for being such an ignorant b**** to me.”
Me: “I’m only working within the rules of our company, sir. I’m sorry for the inconvenience.”
Customer: “Then you’ve just lost a f****** sale!”
Me: “Okay, then. Have a nice evening.”
(I hang up before he can say anything else and email my manager immediately to let her know she will probably be hearing from him. I am right; the next day I come to work, my supervisor tells me that the “gentleman” — in air quotes — called corporate to say that I was being belligerent and harassing him. He demanded compensation, so corporate left that to my manager. She is passing it on to me to decide what would suffice.)
Me: “So, he gets rewarded for throwing a fit… because I refused to risk my job by talking about the employment status of another associate?”
Manager: “Well, you probably shouldn’t word it that way. But… yes.”
Me: “Okay. He can have a refund, minus the prorated time [Previous Associate] spent working with him.”
(We do the math and ask him to come in for his refund. On his $6,000 project, he receives a refund of about $500. My manager and I walk through each line to be sure he understands. At the end of the conversation:)
Me: “Well, [Company] is sorry to lose your business, sir.”
Customer: “Do you know who called me? I’d like to punch that b**** in the face.”
Manager: “What?!”
Me: “Uh. Because…?”
Customer: “Because I can.”
Manager: “You absolutely cannot.”
Me: “Please leave.”
Customer: *stepping into my personal space* “You gonna take her place?”
Manager: “I don’t think she can take her own place. But I can call the police and tell them you just threatened to assault her.”
(The customer shoves past me toward the front door. I am not really hurt but he does body check me with his shoulder as he passes and I stumble back a few steps.)
Manager: “Want me to call the police?”
Me: “No. He’s not worth it. I’d rather never see him again.”
Manager: “You are such a good grownup.”
Me: *laughing* “Well, by now, I’d hope so.”
(I work at a diner near a busy road where a lot of families stop by on their way to skiing resorts. At this diner, you order and pay first and then get a beeper that signals when you can come and get your meal. A woman in her mid-40s comes and orders today’s special. Since it’s today’s special, our kitchen has everything ready for her meal and even before she leaves the checkout her food is served from the kitchen.)
Me: “Oh, your food is already ready! Here’s one special.”
Customer: “No, I want a new meal.”
Me: “Is there something wrong?”
Customer: “I won’t eat old food. I saw that plate standing there for more than ten minutes. You are just giving me some old food someone else didn’t want.”
Me: “I promise you that this came straight from the kitchen just for you. Our special is always ready which means that our chef only had to put it on a plate for you and that’s why your food came so fast.”
Customer: “No, I saw it standing there getting nasty! I want a new meal.”
(The customer got a new meal which, again, was served in just a minute while she could see the chef. When the customer went away with her food I started cleaning tables and was just happy with not having to deal with her again.)
(I work as a hostess for a restaurant. We are open on Memorial Day which, apparently, is uncommon. An old lady comes into our restaurant and starts chatting.)
Lady: “I finally found a restaurant that is open today! I have been craving ribs all day but everywhere I went that sells ribs isn’t open, so I had to come here, instead.”
Me: “Oh, well, we actually do sell ribs here.”
Lady: “Oh, you do?”
Me: “Yup, we sell ribs.”
Lady: “Well, I don’t want your ribs!”
(I work as a receptionist in Melbourne for a company with multiple branches, one of which subcontracts to a [Nationwide Telecommunications Company] upgrade which is rather unpopular, meaning I’ve dealt with a fair few disgruntled callers, but this one really takes the cake. An upset woman calls up demanding to speak to a manager of our telecommunications branch, demanding that a piece of equipment just outside her home be replaced or upgraded because it’s not been done properly. Our staff have spray-painted a big cross on it as we can’t proceed with the upgrade due to the equipment being unsuitable or damaged. Unfortunately, we have no control over the equipment, as it’s previously installed by [Telecommunications Distributor] and is outside of our scope of work and is the property of [Distributor], but the woman is refusing to listen to me and demanding to speak to a manager. Technically speaking, she is not our customer, as our customer is [Distributor] and not the end user.)
Me: “I’m sorry, but the best thing I can do for you is forward you to the [Distributor] faults line to handle…”
Woman: *snappily* “Well, I’m not even their customer; I’m the customer of [Telecommunications Provider], so I want to talk to your mob, instead.”
Me: “Hang on. Have you spoken to [Provider] about your concerns about this yet?”
Woman: “No, but your mob are in the area doing work on the equipment, so you can repair and replace it while you’re there. My concern is that your mob won’t do the work which means I’ll be unable to use phones and Internet when [Nationwide Telecommunications] upgrade is complete, meaning I’ll be left without Internet or phone lines.”
Me: “Well, technically, that’s not accurate, since wireless options exist, as well. Anyway, we still aren’t involved and you’ll need to speak with—”
Woman: *cutting me off* “Well, don’t take this personally, but I feel like your mob just aren’t going to do the work because it’s in the ‘too hard’ basket, and then you’ll be gone, and I’ll be stuck!”
Me: “I understand, but—”
Woman: “So, let me speak to a manager already!”
Me: *sighing inwardly* “Again, unfortunately, our customer is [Distributor], meaning you’d need to speak with them about any issues you may have. We have no control over what may exist or not; we’re just in the area doing upgrades.”
Woman: “In that case, I want to talk to your manager as your staff have defaced my property!”
(I’m a bit perplexed; our staff are trained to not do any sort of damage to private property. It’s also important to note here that in Australia, anything past a dwelling’s driveway, such as the pavement and the nature strip, belong to the local council, and not the individual homeowner.)
Me: “Hang on. I thought you said that the markings were on the pavement.”
Woman: “Yes! It’s on the pavement and the equipment; they’ve defaced my nature strip!”
Me: *deadpan voice* “Technically, that doesn’t belong to you. That belongs to the council.”
(Pause.)
Woman: “You know an awful lot for a receptionist. Fine, I’ll call the council, and call [Distributor] and the ombudsman to sort this out!”
Me: “That’s fine. You have a nice day, then.”
(I hung up the phone on her at that point. I honestly don’t know what she expected the company I work for to do, especially when I kept telling her she had to contact [Distributor] to sort it out, as we had no control over it!)
