Customer: “So I have four 25% off coupons. Does that make this free?”

Me: *Laughs.* “Haha, that would be nice.”

Customer: “So… it does?”

Me: *Realizing she’s not joking.* “No, ma’am. It’s one coupon per purchase. Also, using that logic, if you have five coupons, we’d have to give you money back!”

Customer: “Oh, I actually have five!”

Me: “Ma’am, one coupon per purchase.”

Customer: “Ugh! You places are all the same! All you want is my money!”

Related:
Doesn’t Understand The Custom Part Of Customer, Part 35
Doesn’t Understand The Custom Part Of Customer, Part 34
Doesn’t Understand The Custom Part Of Customer, Part 33
Doesn’t Understand The Custom Part Of Customer, Part 32
Doesn’t Understand The Custom Part Of Customer, Part 31

I worked at a carpet cleaning service company. I take a customer call, and she’s angry and demanding before I can even finish my hello:

Customer: “You guys did a s*** job cleaning my house!”

Me: “I’m sorry to hear that! Can I get your account details so I can look into it?”

Cut to a few questions later, and we figure out she called the wrong company.

Me: “Ma’am, it seems you need to call [Maid Service]. I’ve Googled the right number for you based on the name on the invoice you’ve provided.

Customer: “Ugh.”

Me: “Well, here is the number. Have a good rest of your day.”

Customer: “Wait, aren’t you going to call them for me? I mean, you’ve already looked them up.”

Me: “…No?”

Customer: “Then you still did a s*** job!” *Click.*

A lady gets out of her car, tells me she wants valet service, and then starts walking away.

Me: “Ma’am, I need your keys.”

Customer: “I’m not giving you my keys.”

Me: “Then I cannot park your car for you.”

Customer: “Why? Just because I won’t give you my keys?! My house keys are on here! How do I know you won’t just make a copy and rob my house or something? I’m not giving you my keys.”

Me: “Then I cannot park your car for you.”

Also, how would I know where she lives?!

Customer: “Why? I already told you! My house keys are on here, and you’re not touching them.”

Me: “You can either give me your car key separately, or you can park your vehicle, but without the key, I cannot start your vehicle. I cannot park it; I cannot bring it back.”

Customer: “Fine! Here! Have fun, the power steering doesn’t work!”

Me: “Unfortunately, I cannot park your car for you without power steering, company policy. Very sorry.”

Customer: “You’re not sorry!”

Me: “You know what? I’m actually not. Have a nice night, ma’am.”

Customer: “Matcha latte.”

I make the drink for her, only to have her storm back in a couple of minutes later.

Customer: “Remake my drink!”

Me: “What’s wrong with it?”

Customer: “There’s no coffee in my latte!”

Me: “Yes, because that’s a matcha latte.”

Customer: “How do you work in a coffee shop and forget the most important part! COFFEE!”

Me: “Matcha is a type of tea, so—”

Customer: “Latte means coffee!”

Me: “No, latte does not mean coffee, but instead, milk.”

Customer: “Get me someone else! Someone who knows how to make coffee!”

Manager: “Ma’am, [My Name] here knows how to make coffee, tea, and anything else that you see on our menu. What he can’t do, and what I refuse to do, is explain to you that you got what you ordered, and if you don’t like it, then that’s on you. Stop shouting at us.”

Customer: “I’ve never experienced such disrespect!”

Manager: “With an attitude like that, if this is the first time you’ve experienced disrespect, then you’ve had a pretty good run. Now go Google what ‘latte’ means and leave us to our work, please.”

She angrily pours her drink on the floor.

Customer: “There, now you have coffee all over your floor!”

Me: *Smiling.* “Not a coffee.”

The customer shrieks at our indifference and storms out. My manager cleaned up the spill and we had a laugh about it.

Customer: “My laptop won’t turn on.”

Me: “Is it charged?”

Customer: “Of course it’s charged! I’ve had it charging all day! I’m not an idiot!”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, I didn’t mean to imply that. It’s just basic troubleshooting.

I plug in the laptop and try booting it up. Nothing. After troubleshooting a few more things…

Me: “Well, it looks likely to be a hardware issue. I can take a look at it tomorrow morning and—”

Customer: “No! You can’t take my computer! I need it to work!”

Me: “But… It’s not working.”

Customer: “So fix it!”

Me: “It’s 5:55 PM, and we close in five minutes. I will look at it tomorrow morning.”

Customer: “But you can’t take it from me! I need it! I’ll bring it in again tomorrow morning!”

Me: “But, it’s not working at all, right?”

Customer: “No! That’s why you need to fix it!”

Me: “So why would my keeping it tonight change anything?”

Customer: “Because I need it to work! Are you even listening?!”

He came back in with the same laptop at 9 AM the next day. Two journeys for one repair…