Be Very Under-Weary

, , , , , | Right | February 15, 2019

(I work at a well-known UK department store in the menswear department. A customer comes to my desk clutching a pack of underpants, and it is immediately obvious that every single pair has been worn.)

Customer: “I’d like to return these.”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but we cannot exchange or refund underwear unless the packaging is intact.”

Customer: “What? Why?!”

Me: “It’s for hygiene reasons.”

Customer: “That’s ridiculous. I haven’t even worn these!”

(I know he is lying because the packet is open, and all of the underwear that would have been neatly folded inside when he bought them are messily shoved back into the packaging. There is also an overwhelming scent of strong laundry detergent.)

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but without the packaging and hygiene seal intact, I cannot refund or exchange this purchase. It does state this on your receipt, and you would have been informed of this when you bought them.”

(He demands to speak to a manager, who tells him exactly the same thing as I did until he leaves in a huff. I speak to my manager afterward about how ridiculous it is that people would be so disgusting as to try and return used underwear.)

Manager: “Well, at least he washed them before bringing them back. You’d be amazed by the number of people who bring in dirty ones to exchange.”

Actually Haggling With You About Haggling

, , , | Right | February 15, 2019

(I see a book in an antique shop in upstate Virginia, and express an interest.)

Assistant: “How about $4?”

Me: “Fine.”

Assistant: *in amazement* “You don’t want to haggle?”

Me: “H*** no. The book is worth more to me than $4, so why should I haggle?”

Assistant: “Everybody haggles to try to beat us down on everything!”

Me: “Why haggle when you have a bargain at $4, anyway?”

Trying To Motion That You Can’t Find The Lotion

, , | Right | February 15, 2019

(A woman approaches my coworker, but stops when she’s about fifteen feet away. He’s looking down at his inventory list and doesn’t realize she’s speaking to him right away.)

Customer: “Calamine lotion.” *pauses just a second* “Calamine lotion.”

Coworker: “Sorry, ma’am? Could you repeat that?”

Customer: *screaming* “CALAMINE LOTION!”

Coworker: “Sure, I just have to look up where that is in the store.” *starts to type it in on our store tablets*

Customer: “Ugh! I’ll find it MYSELF!”

(She just stormed off. We had a laugh about it afterward; I’m guessing she had one h*** of a rash!)

Scream And Sugar

, , , , | Right | February 15, 2019

(A customer orders a large coffee, and requests cream and sugar in it, as well as a few cream cups on the side. I go to clarify:)

Me: “So, you wanted cream and sugar inside the coffee, as well as a couple on the side, right?”

Customer: *uppity* “Yeah, I wanted three or four, as well, as the eight inside, as I ordered it.”

Me: “All right, just trying to clarify.”

(I hand her my screen to show her, which has the coffee and two cups on the side.)

Customer: *more demanding* “Um, I said three or four!”

(I return with two more cups.)

Customer: *huffs* “I’m just going to point out that you’d seem less hostile if you smiled more!”

(I did smile, and as she was leaving, I wondered how some people could be so rude over a couple of cups of cream.)

We’re Gonna Need A Bigger Dog Bowl

, , , , , | Right | February 14, 2019

(This story was relayed to me by my dad, the customer in question. We have a pair of pet goldfish, and I asked him to bring some more food for them on his way home, as we were running out.)

Dad: *approaches pet shop employee* “Excuse me. Do you have any food for dogfish?”

(Dogfish are a kind of shark.)

Employee: “For… what?”

(I think he was thinking of my stepmother’s dog.)

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