(I am a cashier. At our store, we have a recycling machine that you can put old bottles into. Then, you either press a green button with dollar sign on it, which gives you a receipt with a barcode that can be exchanged for cash, or you can press the yellow button that says “WSPA” on it TWICE, which gives the money to charity and gives you a receipt with the total and the WSPA logo. An old lady comes into the store, shops for a lot of items, and after I’m done scanning them in, she gives me the WSPA receipt.)

Me: “Should I throw this out for you?”

Customer: “No, I want the money from the bottles.”

Me: “I’m sorry, but you donated the money to WSPA and I cannot give you your money.”

Customer: “Well, I don’t care; I want the money.”

(I call my manager. The old lady pays for her groceries, and afterwards follows my manager over to the machine where she shows the old lady that she had pressed the wrong button twice. They come back afterwards.)

Customer: *very irritated and angry* “I don’t care if I pressed wrong; you are ruining me for $0.90 (6 DKK). I want my money back for the things I have bought, AND I’M NEVER GOING TO SHOP HERE AGAIN!”

(So, with seven people in line, I had to return all her groceries for a total of $45 and watch her storm off afterwards as a couple of other customers giggled.)

(I’m the manager of the plumbing department at a hardware store. I’m also female, which has lead to some customers thinking I couldn’t possibly know anything about plumbing. Often, I pull out some knowledge so that they actually ASK their questions instead of grumpily sending “the girl” away. One day I walk up to one of our customers in the PVC pipe-fittings area. He’s holding an object wrapped in a plastic grocery bag.)

Me: “Good morning! Is there something I can help you with?”

Middle-Aged Man: “No. You wouldn’t know the answer. I can find it.”

Me: “Well, sir, you’re looking through our toilet flanges. Do you know if you have 3″ or 4″ PVC? Are you replacing a cast iron flange?”

Middle-Aged Man: “No! It’s not iron! It’s plastic!”

Me: “Okay, so do you know if it’s 3″ or 4″? We have one right here that will fit either, if you’re not sure!”

Middle-Aged Man: “No, that one won’t fit! It doesn’t match this one!”

(He holds up the item in the grocery bag. It’s a used toilet flange. Toilet flanges are what sit underneath the drain from your toilet. All of your waste passes through it.)

Me: “I’m sorry, sir. I have to ask you to take that item outside. It’s a biohazard.”

Middle-Aged Man: “No! They said I could bring parts inside! They said it was okay!”

Me: “Sir. We sell food here. That is a biohazard. It has been in contact with human waste. You have to take it outside.”

Middle-Aged Man: “They told me it was okay to bring parts in. Where is your manager?”

Me: “Sir. I am the manager. You still have to take it outside. Now.”

(At this point, he storms over to the Guest Services desk. I calmly follow him.)

Middle-Aged Man: “I NEED THIS HERE TO MATCH IT UP. IT CAME FROM MEXICO. I WRAPPED IT IN A PLASTIC BAG SO IT’S FINE, AND YOU SAID I COULD BRING IN MY PARTS!”

Me: *staying calm* “Sir, you can bring in a part, but the poop has to stay outside.”

Me: “Hello, sir. How can I help you?”

Customer: “Hi, I’d like to return these pants.”

Me: “Sure, can I see your receipt?”

Customer: “I don’t have one.”

Me: “Well, since these are [Jeans], which is a national brand, I can’t accept the return.”

Customer: “Can I speak with a manager?”

Me: *internal sigh* “Sure.”

(As I’m about to reach for the phone to page for a manager, I notice ANOTHER store’s tag on the pants.)

Me: “Sir, did you buy these at another store?”

Customer: “Yes.”

Me: *pause* “Then you need to go to that store.”

Customer: “But they wouldn’t accept it and you guys carry the brand so I thought you would.”

Me: “No, we can’t accept the return nor give you store credit.”

Customer: “WELL, FINE!” *storms off*

Related:
Returner Burner, Part 7
Returner Burner, Part 6
Returner Burner, Part 5

(It is around October in 2014.)

Customer: “Do you have the new Pirates Of The Caribbean movie?”

Me: *assuming he means the fourth film, which is the latest one* “Of course. It’s right over here.” *I pick up a copy of “On Stranger Tides”*

Customer: “Nah, I mean the new one. The fifth one.”

Me: “Oh, that’s not out yet.”

Customer: “When will you have it in?”

Me: “Well, I think I heard that they’re going to be filming it next year, and that it’s due to be released in 2017.”

Customer: “But when will you have it in?”

Me: “Um… In 2017, probably.”

(I work as a clerk in the dairy department. A female customer flags me down.)

Customer: “Excuse me; I have a question.”

Me: “Yes, ma’am?”

Customer: “Where is your gluten-free water?”

Me: “I’m sorry? I don’t think that is a thing.”

Customer: *huffy* “Are you sure? Fine! I’ll just go to [Other Store]; I’m sure they’ll have it.” *storms off*

Me: *speaking to other clerk* “Doesn’t gluten come from wheat?”

Related:
Gluten Out Of Ten For Ignorance