I work in the fitting room where I answer incoming phone calls.

Me: “Thank you for calling the Olympia [Store]. How can I help you?”

Customer: “I would like to be transferred to the pharmacy.”

Me: “Let me transfer you to the pharmacy.”

About a minute later, the phone rings back.

Me: “Has the pharmacy not picked up yet?”

Customer: “This is ridiculous! I have been on hold for too long. I want to talk to the pharmacy.”

They were only on hold for less than a minute.

Me: “I’m really sorry, but it looks like they are busy with customers right now. Can I try transferring you again?”

Customer: “This is getting ridiculous! I have to pee.”

I can hear a woman’s voice in the background.

Female Voice: “Can we do this when we get home?”

Customer: “I don’t want you to transfer me; I want to talk to someone in the pharmacy!”

Me: “I’m really sorry, but in order to talk to someone in pharmacy, you have to call the store’s number, talk to the operator, and then I transfer you over to their department.”

Customer: “I just want a number! What is their number?”

I am fed up with this customer’s attitude so I decide to be funny.

Me: “The number for pharmacy is 3299.”

Customer: “Where’re the other numbers?! That’s not a number!”

Me: “You asked for a number, and I already told you that you had to call the store and then talk to me so I could transfer you over to their department. Those numbers I just gave you are the numbers to transfer you over to the pharmacy.”

Customer: “This is ridiculous. I don’t want you to transfer me! I want to talk to someone now.”

After the phone rings back the second time, I realize something is going on with the line, so I have a coworker go over to the pharmacy to let them know I will be putting the phone call on hold.

Me: “Sir, I’m going to put you on hold since it looks like the line isn’t working.”

Customer: *Angry* “This is ridiculous! I have been on hold for too long!”

This has only been going on for about two minutes now.

I talked to the pharmacy about five minutes later to find out that, because they had such horrible reception, they couldn’t hear the guest and ended the call.

Patience is the moral of the story. Apparently, this guy had none!

I am waiting in line at a large truck stop and gas station. The station is set up so that one line feeds to all cash registers.

Customer: “Are you waiting in line?”

I look at the line of people behind me.

Me: “Yes, I am.”

Customer: “Well, you’re doing it wrong!”

I am puzzled.

Customer: *Still shouting* “There are two registers, so there are two lines! You’re going to hold up the whole f****** line! No one is going to be able to check out!”

The customer goes up to the customer who is currently checking out at the far register.

Customer: “Look at this stupid b****! I’m not going to be able to check out because she owns the d*** lines!”

The customer turns to me.

Customer: “This is how you do it. See how I’m in line? Now I’ll get served next, and you’ll have to wait! You are going to that register over there!”

The customer stands in a line of her own creation and choosing, while the baffled cashier continues serving the also baffled customer checking out. The cashier at what is now “my” register, says:

Cashier: “May I help the next customer?”

Me: *Approaches register* “I’m so sorry. Last time I was here, there was only one line.”

Cashier: “You’re fine!”

With the transaction complete, I left. The customer was still standing in line, berating the other cashier and customer. Too bad she didn’t stand in the actual line!

I am distributing printed advertisements for the local stores. I am instructed not to put anything into the letterbox when there is a “no ads” sign. I am about to put the ads in a letterbox when a man walks by.

Man: *Unfriendly* “No ads!”

Me: “Okay, but please consider putting a ‘no ads’ sign on your letterbox!”

Man: “Listen, this is my house and my letterbox, and you do as I say!”

Me: “Of course, but it’s hard to remember not to put the ads in your letterbox if there is no sign.”

Man: “That’s why I’m telling you!”

He went back into his house.

I work for an organization that is commonly mistaken as a government agency. This person called three times this morning. The calls were almost identical.

Me: “Good morning, [My Name] speaking.”

Caller: “Hi there. I was wondering if you have an [Officer Title] there?”

Me: “No, I’m sorry. The [Officer Title] works for the [Government Agency]. Would you like their phone number?”

Caller: “No, no. I just want to confirm. I’m writing an article. You don’t have an [Officer Title] there?”

Me: “No, we don’t. He works for [Government Agency].”

Caller: “Aren’t you the [Government Agency]?”

Me: “No, we’re not.” 

I go on to explain the differences between my organization and the government agency, and the call ends with her seeming to understand.

Five minutes later, she calls back, and we repeat the call.

Five minutes later, she calls back, seemingly more confused than ever. I explain that she can Google the government agency, and she’ll find all she needs to know about the [Officer Title], and that I can direct her to their office, if she’d like, for more information.

Caller: “You sound like you’re trying to be helpful, but I know you’re trying to brush me off! Just because I stutter doesn’t mean I’m an idiot! I know you’re the same organization! Why don’t you get off your high horse and help me?!”

Me: “Miss, I’m sorry you feel I am being patronizing. I am not. My organization may seem to be similar to [Government Agency], but—”

I go on to explain again.

Me: “I would very much like to help you, but the best way I can do that is to direct you towards the office and person you are seeking. Would you like that phone number?”

Caller: “NO! Ugh. You’re useless. I’ll call the corporate office.”

I haven’t had a call from them yet, but… yeah. Awesome!

A customer with a heavy foreign accent is looking for something while the store is under remodel. I’m working one side of a two-sided self-checkout.

Customer: “Excuse me. Where are the corndogs?”

The accent is heavy but I hear “corndogs.”

Me: “Corndogs?”

Customer: “Corndogs” 

I point to the frozen aisle.

Me: “They’re on aisle two. Straight that way on the right.”

Customer: “Okay. Thank you.”

The customer goes down to aisle two, looks, and shakes his head. He asks two more coworkers. He finally goes to my coworker on the other side of the self-checkout.

Customer: “Corndogs. I need corndogs.”

Coworker: “Corndogs? What are they used for?”

Customer: “For safe sex!”

Coworker: “Condoms! Condoms are over there. Let me show you.”