(At the restaurant where I am a hostess, all customers can sit at the bar whenever they want, but have to check in at the front hostess stand in order to be seated at a table. This man who has a priority seating arrangement refuses to understand this.)
Me: “How are you tonight?”
Customer: *points to his name on the priority seating list* “That’s me. I want to go to my table now.”
Me: “Okay, I will check you in.”
Customer: “No, I want to go now. I’ve been at the bar!”
Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but you did not check in. I have no way of knowing you are here if you haven’t told me. I can seat you in a few minutes.”
Customer: “But I’ve been waiting at the bar! Why didn’t you come get me?”
Me: “As I said, we did not know you were here as you did not check in.”
(This continued for a while until he left, apparently angry that I didn’t have telepathic powers to tell me when he decided to grace us with his presence.)
(I am working at the customer service desk in my local grocery store on a typical weeknight. An elderly woman comes up to the counter.)
Me: “Hey there. What can I do for you?”
Customer: “I was wondering if you would help me download this coupon onto my savings card?”
Me: “Yes, ma’am!” *explains how the process works*
Customer: “No, no, I need you to show me!” *whips out tablet*
Me: “All right, first, I need you to go to [Store website].”
Customer: “What’s that?”
Me: “A website.”
Customer: “What’s a website?”
Me: “It’s a page on the Internet.”
Customer: “What’s an Internet?”
(It took me about three-quarters of an hour, but we made her an email account and an account on the store website, and got her that coupon!)
(I am a customer who overhears this exchange. A customer rattles the door of the restroom, which is locked. She calls out to an employee.)
Customer: “The bathroom is locked! I need you to unlock it.”
Employee: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but I can’t do that. It’s not a public restroom.”
Customer: “But someone opened it for me before! You need to open this for me. I need to use the bathroom! Can’t you make an exception?”
Employee: “You can go next door to the grocery store. They have a public restroom in the front.”
Customer: “But I can’t make it there! If I could make it there, I wouldn’t have asked you! Now I’m going to s*** in my pants!”
(I have moved several rows over from this discussion as the customer gets increasingly agitated.)
Employee: “I’m sorry, I can’t open the door.” *goes back to work*
Customer: *stomps off with her cart, shouting* “I just s*** my pants! I HOPE YOU CAN SMELL IT!”
(I’ve been in retail for a long time and realise that most games console fault issues can be repaired simply by using the online troubleshooting guides, so each time I sell a console I politely tell the customer this. I’ve spent maybe 25 minutes with a male customer who is buying a birthday present for his son and he has been perfectly nice up to this point.)
Customer: “If there’s something wrong with it, can I bring it back?”
Me: “We do offer a 21-day exchange policy, so if there’s a problem or you change your mind you can bring it back, providing it’s in a re-sellable condition. Then, we can give you a replacement, or an exchange for something different if you prefer.”
Customer: “What if it breaks after the 21 days, huh? What then?”
Me: “Well, you will be covered for the rest of the year through the console manufacturers. I find it’s much easier to contact them directly online or to search for [Console] troubleshooting. Generally, if there’s a problem or a fault with a console, it can be easily rectified online and it saves a lot of hassle of sending your console off for repair and waiting for a replacement.”
Customer: “No, if there’s a problem after 21 days, I’m bringing it back here for a full refund, you stupid c***!”
(I live in a small Canadian town and the area is a well-known spot for touristic deer hunting, so it’s not unusual for us to have a number of American customers. I can tell this is the situation for one group of men that comes in one day; all are wearing full camouflage and have thick Southern accents.)
Customer: “You didn’t give me my change!”
Me: “Yes, I did.”
Customer: “You’re trying to rip me off, aren’t you?! You owe me two dollars change, and now you’re trying to convince me that this is two dollars! I know better than that! What are these gold things?!“
(He shoves his hand towards me… where he holds two loonies. I have a very hard time not taking my palm to my face.)
Me: *calmly* “That’s two dollars; in Canada, we have a loonie, which is a dollar coin instead of a dollar bill.”
(He said nothing and walked back to his table.)
