Caught Red (Or White) Handed

, , , , , , | Right | December 8, 2017

(A customer starts walking out of the store with a bottle of wine clearly sticking out of his sweater. My coworker moves in front of him to block his path.)

Coworker: “Excuse me, sir.”

Customer: “What?”

Coworker: “What do you have under your shirt, there?”

Customer: *pause* “My skin.”

Coworker: “Come on, bro.”

Thought It Was Going To Be A Hot Potato Subject

, , , , | Right | December 8, 2017

(A customer came in earlier and purchased some of our homemade potato salad. He now calls.)

Me: “[Deli], how may I help you?”

Customer: “Yes, who am I speaking to?”

Me: “This is [My Name].”

Customer: “I was in there earlier, and I bought some of your potato salad.”

Me: *thinking: We JUST made that this morning; how is there a problem with it?* “Yes?”

Customer: “It is the best potato salad I have ever had! Whoever makes it there, make sure that they never change the recipe; it’s delicious!”

Me: *startled* “I… Thank you. [Coworker] makes the potato salad, so if you want I can transfer you to—”

Customer: “No, that’s okay. I just wanted to let you know that it’s really good! Have a nice day, now.”

Me: “You, too. Thank you for calling!”

(The customers that call to compliment and not complain are few and far between, but they really brighten my day!)

A Desperate Resort Customer Resorts To Lies

, , , , , | Right | December 8, 2017

(I work at a resort facility that attracts all kinds of customers from business people during the week to weddings on the weekends, but especially appeals to families with our waterpark and arcade fun-center. We have a cancellation policy of 24 hours prior to the guest’s check-in time at 4:00 pm. I overhear the following story between my coworker at the front desk and a lady on business travel. A guest walks in the door with a tight frown and balled fists.)

Coworker: “Hi, how can I help you?”

Guest: “I didn’t know that this was a family hotel! The website didn’t say anything about this being a family-friendly hotel! I want to cancel my reservation!”

(Doesn’t “resort” sort of imply that there is more to the building than JUST our hotel?)

Coworker: “Well, unfortunately, it is already past the cancellation window. So, you will still be charged for the night.”

Guest: *sourly* “What?! I can’t believe this! I’m here for business, and I don’t want to be bothered by kids running wild in your stupid hotel. I’m sure the rooms are just going to be crappy, too!”

(This is a Tuesday, and there is almost no one in our hotel today.)

Coworker: “I do apologize, ma’am, but that is our policy. It is actually fairly quiet today, as we are only at 22% occupancy. I will place you on our top floor so that you will have the most quiet, with no one above you. Also, since you are here for business, I would be glad to remove the $7.95 resort fee for you since you won’t be using the waterpark.”

(At this point the guest is quiet and they complete the check-in process. Five minutes later there is a call from our in-house phone from her room.)

Coworker: “Hello, this is [Coworker] at front desk.”

Guest: “I want to speak to a manager!”

Coworker: “All right, I will need to put you on hold while I radio him to come to the phone.”

(My manager comes to take the call and is silent for a long time while he listens to her complaints about the room being dusty, having a streak on the mirror, among other nitpicky things she tried to find as soon as she walked in the door. Apparently, she is pretty nasty about it, since I can hear her from my computer.)

Manager: “I’m very sorry about that. Let me see what I can do here for you, and I’ll give you a call back.”

(He upgrades her to our whirlpool suite at an even more reduced rate. Then he has our housekeeping inspector go make sure the room is perfect. Just as he is about to call the guest back, she arrives at the front desk.)

Manager: “Oh, I was just trying to call you. We have a whirlpool suite ready for you, if you would like.”

Guest: “NO! I am not staying here! The room was a mess! This is horrible service. And this was the last straw: I found a cockroach in the bathtub! I have pictures if you want to see.”

(Of course, he does want to; we don’t have bug problems, as it is March and still too cold for bugs. We certainly wouldn’t have roaches. Her photos don’t show much really and she conveniently does not have a photo of the bug.)

Guest: “I want to check out now and receive a receipt with my zeroed-out balance.”

Manager: “All right. I did reduce your rate for you, so it will only charge you $65.00. Here is your receipt.”

Guest: “WHAT?! You are still going to charge me?! You are a horrible manager, and I’ll get you fired for this! I’m going to call my attorney and take you to court! I’ll spread reviews all over the Internet!”

Manager: “You are free to do that.”

Guest: “Augh!” *storms out the door*

Manager: *under his breath* “You bet I’m still going to charge you!”

And That’s How The Not-Free Cookie Crumbles

, , , , , | Right | December 8, 2017

(A customer I’ve never seen before comes in and gets a sandwich, pays for it, and goes to wait for it to be made. He then asks one of my coworkers:)

Customer: “Could I have a cookie as well?”

Coworker: “Yes.”

(The customer helps himself to a cookie from the jar. He gets his sandwich and sits down to eat it. Then my coworker asks me:)

Coworker: “Did he pay you for a cookie?”

(Of course he didn’t pay for it, since he didn’t ask to get a cookie until after he paid, so I go over to him.)

Me: “Excuse me, but you have to pay for that cookie.”

Customer: “She gave it to me.”

Me: “Um, no, she didn’t just give it to you for free.”

Customer: “She said I could have it.”

Me: “Yeah… to pay for.”

Customer: “Well, how much is the cookie, then?” *getting out his wallet*

Me: Fifty cents.”

Customer: *as he’s pulling out a dollar bill* “Absolutely pathetic; making me pay for a stupid cookie.”

Me: “Yeah, it is pretty pathetic that you can’t afford a fifty-cent cookie.”

(He paid me the fifty cents and didn’t say a word after that. I don’t think I’ve ever seen someone eat and leave that fast before.)

When Customers Scam Themselves

, , , , , | Right | December 8, 2017

(I work at a kitchen and bath showroom that sells sinks, faucets, showers, etc.)

Customer: “I want this shower set!” *points to an expensive set*

Me: “Great. That one is wonderful! Now, do you already have this brand in your shower or are you opening the walls?”

Customer: “I don’t see why you need to know that!”

Me: “Sorry, sir, but every brand’s showers have specific valves that are placed in the wall. Each brand only works with their valves. To change a shower, unless you stay with the same brand, you also have to switch valves.”

Customer: “Oh, that is a lie. Everyone knows that is a scam to get more money.”

Me: “Well, the valve only costs about $40 for this brand. It’s one of the most affordable valves!”

Customer: “Whatever. Just give me this shower.”

Me: “Okay, sir, your total with the valve is-“

Customer: “I don’t need the valve! Stop trying to charge me more!”

Me: “Oh, so, you do have this brand already?”

Customer: “Ugh, no! I just told you that I am onto your scam!”

Me: “Sir, I won’t sell you this shower unless you buy the valve. The shower won’t work. I won’t sell you an item that is not going to work.”

Customer: “How dare you! Are you denying me service for not going along with your scam?”

Me: “No, I am saving you money and refusing to scam you by selling you an item that will not function for you.”

Customer: “I cannot believe this! I will get you fired for this! You are discriminating against me for not going along with your scheme!”

Me: “Sir, all you have to do is buy a $40 valve and place it in your wall. Every shower has one. Every brand has one. I am trying to save you a lot of time and wasted effort.”

Customer: “I will never shop here! I am going to [Our Biggest Competitor]!”

Me: “That is fine, sir, but they will not sell to you without the valve or the same brand already being in place. If they do, then they are scamming you out of your money.”

(The customer storms out. Three days later:)

Same Customer: “I want to buy that shower and valve.”

Me: “Okay, great. I am glad that you came back to purchase.”

Same Customer: “I went to the other store and bought the item and it didn’t work. But because I opened it, they refused to refund me. I have to buy this twice now. Why didn’t you tell me that I needed the valve?”

Me: “…”

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