(I suppose I’m the idiot here. I’m driving my RV into Canada to visit a friend. After checking my passport, etc.)
Customs Official: “And is there anything in your RV that will stay in Canada when you leave?”
Me: *frozen with confusion*
Customs Official: “Like a gift?”
Me: “Oh! Yes!” *I list what I’m bringing my friend*
Customs Official: “Um, what were you thinking when I asked that?”
Me: “The contents of my RV’s toilet holding tank?”
(It’s the holidays, so we’re busy. As a manager we don’t typically cashier, but I jump in to help out anyway when this happens:)
Lady: *sets down three pieces of fifty-cent candy*
Me: “Hiya! Did you find everything all right today?”
Lady: *rolls eyes*
Me: “Okay, ma’am, your total is $1.50.”
Lady: *slides card, grabs bag, and leaves*
Me: *to next customer* “Hello, how are you?”
Next Customer: “I’m doing fine. How are—”
(The previous lady shoves my current customer out of the way, looking like she will come across the counter to strangle me.)
Lady: “You stupid b****! You give me your manager right now, you cheating scum!”
Me: “Sorry, what is the issue, ma’am?”
Lady: “GIVE ME YOUR MANAGER. NOW!”
Me: *cheerfully* “I am the manager; what may I do for you?”
Lady: “You over charged me! I only had two candies and you charged me three! YOU SCAMMED ME!”
Me: “Ma’am, will you humor me and look in your bag really quickly?”
Lady: “No.”
Me: “Please?”
Lady: *looks in bag and goes silent a moment while I try not to laugh*
Lady: “YOU SHOULD HAVE KNOWN I ONLY WANTED TWO!”
Me: “I’ll be happy to fix that for you. I’ll have to put the extra fifty cents back onto your credit card however, so it may take a few minutes to set up.”
Lady: “I’ll just keep them! But you SHOULD HAVE KNOWN I ONLY WANTED TWO!”
Me: “All righty, you have a great day now!” *lady scurries away quickly as some 20 or so customers watch and snicker*
(It is during a regular shift in the middle of the day. I’m the supervisor in service and I get a call from one of the register operators telling me that another one of the girls is getting shouted at by a customer and they’re getting scared. I walk over and, sure enough, there’s a man shouting at the girl about how much his total came to.)
Me: “Excuse me, what’s going on here?”
Customer: “NONE OF YOUR F****** BUSINESS, C***!”
Me: “HEY! There is no need for that language, sir.”
(I step in between the girl and him, because at this point she’s crying, and I tell the girl who called me to call Mr Steed — our ‘Get the muscle up here’ call.)
Customer: “YOU WANNA F****** GO?! HUH?!”
Me: *perfectly calm* “Sure thing.”
(The customer deflates and looks around awkwardly, realising the attention he’s drawn and the fact that I wasn’t backing down from his threat seemed to shut him up.)
Customer: “I mean a fight!” *it’s more hesitant like he’s confirming that I understand the proposal*
Me: “I’m aware of that. I’d be happy to take this outside, sir. But I’m required by law to inform you that I’m trained in multiple styles of martial arts and cannot guarantee your safety if there is an altercation. If you are still willing to continue this, I’d be happy to follow you out. Or if you’d rather, you can pay for your shopping, apologise to this young lady like you d*** well mean it, then leave my store and stay the h*** out.”
Customer: *pulls out his card, pays for the shopping, says he’s sorry, and walks out of the store without another word*
(I ask, the girl if she’s okay, then one of the grocery boys that came up for the Mr. Steed call to walk with her to the break room and tell her to have a proper cry and come back when she’s up for it.)
Phone-Girl: “Can you really do all that martial arts stuff?”
Me: “H***, no. But he didn’t know that.”
This story is part of the Customers Bluffing roundup!
Read the next Customers Bluffing roundup story!
Read the Customers Bluffing roundup!
(A customer has left some of their shopping at the store and calls regarding it.)
Me: “Good afternoon, this is [Store] [Location]. [My Name] speaking. How may I help you?”
Customer: “I was there earlier and the checkout chick didn’t give me some of my shopping.”
Me: “I apologise for the mistake. If you tell me what the items were, I can hold them here at the service desk so you can pick them u—”
Customer: “I need you to deliver them to me.”
Me: “Um. I’m sorry, ma’am, but I can’t do that.”
Customer: “Why the h*** not?”
Me: “We have a delivery truck, but that requires an extra fee you would need to pay for—”
Customer: “I didn’t say ‘truck.’ I told YOU to deliver it.”
Me: “You want me, personally, to deliver your shopping to you?”
Customer: “Yes. I’m just down the road in [Suburb a good half-hour from the store], so you can just drive down and give them to me.”
Me: *taking a breath to compose myself* “I’m sorry, ma’am, but I can’t do that. Delivery is restricted to the truck. And either you are asking me to leave my shift right now and deliver them to you or drive down in my own time for your shopping.”
Customer: “The b*** at the checkout left my shopping on the counter. That’s the store’s fault so someone should get me my shopping.”
Me: *losing my patience* “As I said before, ma’am; there’s restrictions. I can leave a message for the supervising staff member for when you can pick it up to hold your shopping here for you but no one is going to deliver you your food.”
Customer: “It’s got my dinner for tonight in it. What am I meant to have for dinner then, huh?!”
Me: “If you need it tonight, you’ll need to pick it up. The store closes at midnight, so you still have plenty of time to come here and collect it. I can offer you a discount voucher for the inconvenience, but no one is delivering you your food.”
(At this point, my department manager had returned from the office and is giving me a concerned look while going over the roster.)
Customer: “You are the nastiest little s*** I’ve ever talked to; I want to talk to your manager!”
Me: “Not a problem; just one moment, please.”
(Trying not to crush the phone, I hand it over to my manager and return to restocking the cigarettes. About five minutes later, my manager hangs up the phone, looking like she wasn’t able to process the stupidity on the other end of the phone.)
Me: “Did she insist on me delivering it or did she ask you to as well?”
Manager: “You, still. Said she’d have us both fired if it’s not delivered to her tonight but I just told her we can’t do that. Then she hung up.”
(The woman showed up the next morning, during my shift of course, acting like the conversation never happened and pretending that the girl on the phone had ‘screamed at her for no reason’. When she realised I was that girl on the phone, she promptly collected her shopping and left. Haven’t seen her since.)
(My roommate and I are running network cable through our house and found that we still needed one more cable to connect another device. We went to a parts store that apparently cut custom length cables upon request.)
Cashier: “Hello, welcome to [Computer Store]. How can I help you?”
Me: “I need a CAT-5 cable to connect my friend’s computer to the network.”
Cashier: “Okay, we can do that. How long do you want it?”
Me: “Uh… indefinitely, I guess. I am buying it.” *it did not immediately occur to me what exactly the cashier was asking*
(Silence.)
Cashier: “No, what length do you want it?”
(My friend and I started to laugh but I don’t think the cashier saw the humor of my stupidity.)
