(I work at a franchise pizza restaurant in my home town. It is a strictly delivery/carry-out place, and we tend to get pretty busy towards the end of the week. I usually work at the cut table, which is in full view of the counter. A particularly peeved looking customer walks in.)

Customer: “Hey! Somebody help me here; I’m already late!”

Manager: “So sorry, sir. I’ll be right with you.”

(He rings him up, and informs him his pizza will be ready momentarily. The customer huffs and stands by the wall to wait. I’m quickly and efficiently working the cut table, trying to keep up with two ovens. I come to the customer ‘s order.)

Me: *goes through the usual motions and then finds that the pizza is stuck to the pan* “Oh, no.”

(I frantically separate the pizza from the pan to keep up with the other orders and wind up destroying it in the process. I flip the pizza into the box and immediately yell for a remake. The customer, who saw me the entire time, yells for the manager.)

Manager: “Yes, sir?”

Customer: “I saw that employee cutting my pizza. He’s got a real attitude problem! He got angry, destroyed my pizza, and threw it in a box! I demand you have him reprimanded.”

Manager: “I’m sorry, sir. He wasn’t getting angry. Your pizza was stuck to the pan and he did the best he could with what he had while trying to keep up with the volume of orders still coming out of the ovens. We’re remaking your pizza as you speak. I can give you a store credit for the inconvenience.”

Customer: “I don’t care! I…”

(He continues to be irrational and abusive. At this point, a few of my coworkers I’m good friends with listen in while waiting on their deliveries.)

Me: “How are we coming with that re-make?”

Coworker: “It’s in the oven!”

(Eventually we get him the re-make. He walks out, then comes back in, whereupon he demands the original as well. The manager, sick of dealing with him, agrees. He finally leaves for real.)

Me: *flips off the door*

Coworker #1: “Prick!”

Coworker #2: *gives the universal “up yours” gesture*

Manager: *turns around, sees all of us* “Good riddance! [My Name], you did what you could. That guy had no right to accuse you like that.”

Coworker #1: *lightly punches my arm* “Although you need to work on your attitude problem, mister!”

(We all laughed and continued working. We never saw that customer again.)

(I am buying drinks for Christmas with a friend. I pick up a bottle of Advocaat.)

Friend: “I’ve never had that. What’s it like?”

Me: “Pretty much just tastes like alcoholic custard.”

Customer: *laughing* “That’s brilliant! Does that mean I can put it on my dessert?”

(I am a bank teller in 2001. It’s important to note that this is a small grocery store branch so in that setting your coworkers are literally standing right next to you most of the time. A man approaches my window.)

Me: “Hi, welcome to [Bank]. How can I help you today?”

Customer: “I lost my debit card and had to cancel it. What can I do to get a new one?”

Me: “That’s no problem. I can print out a form for us to fill out here and send it in for you. It can take up to 7-10 business days to process and it will be mailed to your address.”

Customer: “What?! That’s too long. I don’t want to do that.”

Me: “Okay. Another option is here in the branch we can make you an ‘instant’ ATM card today but unfortunately they only work at ATMs. You would not be able to use it to make purchases but you can still get one of those in the meantime while you wait for the new debit card.”

Customer: “No, I don’t want to do that.”

Me: “Okay. Another option is you can cash a check here with us to get money. I can even print a counter check for you if you don’t have any checks.”

Customer: “No, I don’t want to do that.”

Me: “Okay. Another option is if you have a credit card you can make your daily purchases with that and then pay the balance daily to avoid any interest.”

Customer: “No, I don’t want to do that.”

Me: *dumbfounded and out of ideas; those really are all the options* “Okay… well… I’m… sorry?”

Customer: *says nothing, walks off*

(I found out later that he had come back and complained about my “attitude” to my branch manager who was not there at the time. My coworker, who was standing right next to me during the entire exchange, backed me up. She said I was nothing but polite and helpful and the man simply wasn’t interested in working with us to get his problem resolved. She saved me from possibly getting written up.)

(I’m working at the customer service desk, and a customer comes to ask a question.)

Customer: “Where can I find a book? I can’t find one anywhere.”

Me: “Um, well, there are books everywhere. You see them everywhere you look.”

(The customer looks all around.)

Customer: “Those aren’t books. Books are those pads you can play games on.”

(We are just about to close shop. A woman is talking to my manager about an e-reader case.)

Customer: “That’s false advertising. On your website it says this ereader case is $7.50.”

Manager: “That is a similar looking case. They have different SKUs.”

Customer: “But I don’t see it. You should give me that price.”

Manager: “Our website has many items where our store only has a limited amount of stock.”

(The customer goes on how the case should be that price. I notice she is still in the store when I go to close the doors, so I leave one door open and one locked. I come to see my manager to see what the problem is.)

Manager: “We can give you the price of this case for that one you saw on the website.”

Customer: “I have a student card!”

(We give student deals. My manager looks at the student card carefully.)

Manager: “Uh… this card is from 2006.”

Customer: “I am doing my Ph.D. It takes a long time, you know; it’s a Ph.D.”

Manager: “You don’t have an updated student card that is renewed?”

Customer: “I’m doing my PH.D part time!”

Manager: “Still, eight years. That’s a long time ago.”

Customer: “Isn’t there anyone else I can talk to?”

Me: “He is the manager so there is no one else.”

Customer: “What about your head office?”

Me: “They close between 4:00 and 4:30, and it’s 6:00. You can’t contact them at this time.”

(The customer goes off about how her student card is valid, and how I don’t know about the head office because I don’t know the exact time they close, and how we have poor customer service. We give her the discount and she finally pays for the item.)

Manager: “We’ll contact head office for you since they are closed at this time. What is your phone number?”

Customer: “I’m not giving it to you!”

Manager: “How they can contact you?”

Customer: “I’m filing a complaint!”

(On the way out she tries to force the locked door open. She is pushing the locked door to the point where it almost breaks. I can’t help but laugh.)

Customer: “She is laughing at me!”

(I laugh harder while my manager opens the unlocked door for her, making exiting seem easy.)

Me: “She is doing a Ph.D. and she can’t even open a door!”

Manager: “No wonder her degree is taking her eight years.”