(A club member calls us at concierge:)

Member: “I just backed into a car. If they call you, put it on my bill.”

(We close at 9. Against our better judgment, my manager and I decide we should answer the phone when it rings around 9:04. I answer. For reference, we are in an outdoor mall and our sister store is maybe six store fronts down from us.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Store] in [Location]. This is [My Name]. How can I help you?”

Customer: “Yes, I’d like to know why you locked your doors four minutes early.”

(I’m thrown because I watched my manager lock our doors no earlier than 8:59. I hadn’t seen anyone attempt to get inside since then.)

Me: “Oh, uh, I’m sorry. I didn’t know we had, um, I don’t—”

Customer: “I was just over at [Sister Store] and they locked their doors at exactly 9. I came here and you had locked your doors four minutes early. I want to know why.”

Me: “I apologize; I hadn’t realized we had. Unfortunately, now that it’s past 9 our registers are already closed, so even if—”

Customer: “No, I don’t care. I just want to know WHY. WHY did you lock your doors four minutes early? What was the reason? I drove ALL the way over here from [Sister Store] and I you had locked your doors four minutes early. WHY?!”

(I stumble over some words before my manager quietly tells me to have her talk to the customer. She does and tells her that our clocks are reading incorrectly because of a power outage earlier in the week and we must have closed based on that time, which would have been 4 minutes too early. The clock thing is true, but we both wear watches and had our phones… Eventually, my manager convinces her to come into the store to get a coupon in her name. After she hangs up…)

Me: “So she didn’t want anything? She didn’t want to come in now?”

Manager: “Nope, just called to complain and ask WHY.”

(The customer is buying a small purchase, and pays with a $50 bill. The bill is genuine according to my bill check pen, so I think nothing of it and give him his change.)

Customer: “Woah, woah. You’re giving me too much change. I paid with a twenty.”

Me: “Nope, it was a fifty. I have it right here.”

(The customer looks through his cash.)

Customer: “Oh, you’re right. The twenty’s right here. Hey, I don’t like having all these bills so can I buy back that fifty?”

(He holds out two twenties and a bunch of ones. Normally we can’t exchange money like that, but since he only just gave me that fifty and it seemed to be a mistake, I make an exception.)

Me: “Sure.” *I set down the fifty as I count out his money* “There are only nine ones. I need one more.”

Customer: *hands me one more one* “Actually, can I give you all this crap and buy a hundred from you?”

(He holds out the fifty, two twenties, and ten ones. At this point, I recognize the scam from the story Checkout This Scam.)

Me: “Actually, we don’t stock the tills with hundreds. I’m only able to give you this fifty because you just gave it to me.”

Customer: “Okay… Where were we, then?”

Me: “You take your fifty, I take this, and we’re done.”

(I took the twenties and ones to put in my till, the customer walked away, and I reported him to store security.)

(I work at the corporate office call center for a big store chain. One day, I get this call.)

Me: “Hi, thanks for calling. My name is [My Name]. How can I help you today?”

Customer: “I’ve been shopping at this [Store] for ten years, and I don’t understand why they would do this to me!”

Me: “I’m sorry to hear that, ma’am. What happened?”

Customer: “This store has stopped selling [Store Brand] single serving pancake mix. Now they only sell family size! I… I feel like they’re discriminating against single people!”

Me: “They’re discriminating against single people?”

Customer: “Yes! It’s like they’re saying you don’t deserve pancakes unless you have a family!”

(What the customer probably didn’t know was that “discrimination” is a keyword for us. As soon as the customer says that word, whatever complaint they were filing immediately becomes an ethics issue. Ethics usually handles things like racial discrimination, sexual discrimination, serious problems like that. That day, I got to send them a letter about pancake discrimination. I hope they found it as funny as I did.)

(I am seriously at fault here. My boyfriend has been acting stroppy all evening and disappears while we are grocery shopping. While looking for him, I grab a few items that we need and try to get me and my trolley past an employee who is stocking shelves, and has a pallet stacked against one side of the aisle. Realising that I don’t have quite enough room to get through, rather than turn around and go past, I lift the back end of the trolley and try to squeeze past the pallet. Eventually I make it, and knock a few things over in the process. Look up to see the employee and two other customers staring at me with delighted grins on their face.)

Me: “I swear I am a functioning human being…”

(I then scuttled past with a bright red face, feeling way too embarrassed to say sorry or help pick up the items!)