At Least She Was Honest

| | Right | April 15, 2008

(I get a service call to go out to a customer’s house to service a malfunctioning laptop. I was talking to my boss and he gave me the run down of the call.)

Me: “Alright, so what exactly does the customer want?”

Supervisor: “She says her laptop isn’t turning on, and there might be something wrong with her LCD screen.”

Me: “Ok, sounds like a hardware problem. Did she tell you why all this is going on?”

Supervisor: “Well…she was completely honest with me.”

Me: “?”

Supervisor: “She got angry and threw it against a concrete wall in a fit of rage.”

Me: “…I’ll take care of it.”

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The Less They Know, The Better

| | Right | April 15, 2008

(The customer decides to buy two children’s face towels, one for each child. They are $3.50 each, but you can get three for $7.00.)

Me: “Just so you know, you can get three towels for $7.”

Customer: “No thanks.”

Me: “You are paying $7 anyway, since they’re $3.50 each…”

Customer: “…”

Me: “Essentially, if you buy two, you get a third one free!”

Customer: “Free?”

Me: “Yeah, one for yourself!”

Customer: “I don’t want one!”

Me: “Well, it’s an extra one for the kids, or you can give it away, or give it to me.” *I laugh lightly*

Customer: “If I get three, I’ll have to get a fourth, or the kids will fight.”

Me: “Ah, you can get a fourth one for only $2.33, because you get the discount if you buy three or more.”

Customer: “But you said the third one is free!”

Me: “It’s essentially free. When you get three or more, you’re actually paying $2.33 for each one, instead of $3.50. It works out the same.”

Customer: “So I’m paying for it, even though it’s free?”

Me: “The deal is actually three for $7, seven divided by three is $2.33; you end up paying only $2.33 for each one instead of $3.50.”

Customer: “Whoa, so the first two are $3.50, the third one is free, and the fourth one is $2.33?”

Me: “You could look at it that way, I guess…”

Customer: “You guys have confusing prices, I’m getting a headache!”

(The customer asks the kids if they want another one. They get excited and pick out two more. I scan them. Each one shows up at $3.50 each, but the computer discounts them automatically at the end).

Customer: “Hey, they all scanned at $3.50!”

Me: “Don’t worry, the discount is applied at the end.”

Customer: “You’re trying to rip me off!”

Me: “I’m not, see your subto–”

Customer: “I’m never coming here again!”

(The customer grabs the children, who start crying because they really wanted the face towels.)

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Fortunately, Stupidity Is Not Tax Deductible

| | Right | April 15, 2008

(During a heated debate in my Sociology class about the pros and cons of immigration, the discussion turned to illegal immigration.)

Student: “I pay my taxes. If I have to pay sales tax, I think they should too!”

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Tampax, Kayaks, Same Thing

| | Right | April 14, 2008

(I work at a place that provides kayaks, hiking/climbing gear, canoes, and inner tubes for students at our university.)

Young Woman: “Hi, I need deodorant and a tampon.”

Me: “Um, we don’t have those here.”

Young Woman: “What do you mean?”

Me: “This is the Outdoor Center. We provide outdoor recreational equipment for students.”

Young Woman: “Well I’m a student, I’m outside, and I need deodorant and a tampon!”

(About this time my co worker looks up with a look on her face of WTF?!)

Me: “Yeah… those don’t come with kayaks or canoes.”

Young Woman: “They should!”

(I walk off to let my female coworker take over this one.)

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If Nincompoop, Then Infinite Loop

, , | | Right | April 14, 2008

(I am walking a customer through setting up a fairly complex product.)

Customer: “Next or back?”

Me: “Next.”

Customer: “Okay, now next or back?”

Me: “We do not need to change any of the default settings, so we will be hitting next on the next seven or eight screens in a row. Let me know when another option, other than next or back, appears.”

Customer: *obviously not getting it* “Okay, now do I hit next or back?”

Me: “Hit next, and also hit next on the following five or six pages until there is no more next button.”

Customer: “Okay, I clicked next. Now do I hit next or back?”

(At this point I am going insane and decide to have a little fun.)

Me: “Click back.”

Customer: “Okay, now next or back?”

Me: “Click next.”

Customer: “Okay, next or back?”

Me: “Click back.”

Customer: “Okay, next or back?”

Me: “Click next.”

Customer: “Okay, next or back?”

Me: “Click back.”

(This goes on for a few minutes until the customer realises what’s going on. Or so I thought…)

Customer: “I think it’s broken; it keeps looping through the same pages!”

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