Suddenly, I Feel Very Sorry For Her Child

, , , , | Right | February 1, 2008

Woman: Excuse me, I’ve lost my child somewhere in the store.

Me: “Okay. I’ll get someone right away.”

(I call in a code yellow.)

Me: “Okay, how old is your child?”

Woman: “She’d just turned three. Oooh, what if she’s been kidnapped?”

Me: “Don’t worry; I’m sure that’s not the case.”

(Security comes up to talk to her and she turns around.)

Security: “Ma’am, how many children do you have?”

Woman: “Just one. Why?”

Security: “Because your child is on your back.”

(She was wearing one of those harnesses.)

1 Thumbs
4,918
VOTES

Breaking The Terms of Service, LA-Style

, , , , | Right | January 31, 2008

(A customer is looking at a laptop. I approach to help.)

Me: “That’s a really great computer.”

Customer: “I don’t need a computer. I need wireless Internet.”

Me: “All right, how much range do you need cover?”

Customer: *dead serious* “From here to Santa Monica.”

(Note: This is about a distance of ten miles.)

Me: “All right, let’s start over. This time I’ll be from the future.”

1 Thumbs
1,740
VOTES

Ahh, Youth

| | Right | January 31, 2008

(A teen girl walks through security and collects her belongings.)

Teen: “Excuse me sir, what did you do with my purse?”

Worker: “I’m sure it came through ma’am, just look around for it.”

Teen, in a condescending tone: “Sir, I would appreciate it if you would find my purse that went through YOUR machine that YOU lost. Thats your job you know, now reach up in the machine and feel around for it.”

Worker #2: “Umm, your purse is on your arm.”

Teen: “Oh…” *walks away*

1 Thumbs
3,989
VOTES

…And Stupidity Resolves Itself

| | Right | January 31, 2008

Large Woman 1: “This is not my ice cream, I ordered the butter pecan! It’s simple–just scoop ice cream!”

Large Woman 2: “This is not my ice cream either, I ordered the maple walnut! How d*** complicated is it to give people the right ice cream?”

(Glancing at both of their ice creams, I realize that the problem was their fault, because they just took each other’s ice cream.)

Me: “Yeah, complicated…”

(I walked out back and looked at them on the security camera, until they realized they were the idiots, and left.)

1 Thumbs
1,864
VOTES

Singleminded

, | | Right | January 31, 2008

Me: “How can I help you today, sir?”

Customer: “Yeah I’d like a pound of cajun chicken.”

Me: “I’m sorry sir but we don’t carry cajun chicken, would you like some buffalo chicken in substitute?”

Customer: “Which cajun chicken do you have?”

Me: “I’m sorry sir but we don’t serve cajun chicken.”

(My night manager is standing next to me. This guy goes on three more times, calm as can be, demanding cajun chicken.)

Manager: “Sir…we don’t…would you like the santa fe chicken?”

Customer: “I’d like the cajun chicken, where is your cajun chicken?”

Me: *palmface*

Manager: *slices santa fe chicken and wishes him a nice day*

1 Thumbs
1,253
VOTES
Page 4,892/4,940First...4,8904,8914,8924,8934,894...Last