(V)ery (A)bsent (T)hought

, , , , | Right | February 25, 2010

(After confirming the price of every single item in a customer’s basket as it goes through the till, I finally hand her the receipt.)

Customer: “Wait, what’s this thing here? It was really expensive!” *points at item on her receipt*

Me: “That’s VAT.”

Customer: “What’s that?”

Me: “Value Added Tax.”

Customer: “I didn’t buy any of that.”

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Riverdunce

, , , | Right | February 25, 2010

(A patron approaches me after sitting through a three-hour classical concert.)

Patron: “Excuse me, when do they start dancing?”

Me: “Um, there is no dancing, ma’am.”

Patron: “Isn’t this Riverdance?”

Me: “No, ma’am. This is the New Zealand Symphony orchestra. Riverdance is on at the theatre next door, and finished about an hour ago.”

Patron: “Why didn’t you tell me? I thought this was the warm-up act.”

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Rare Flashes Of Intelligence

, , , , | Right | February 25, 2010

Me: “Police Department, how may I help you?”

Caller: “Yes. I’m over at the truck stop and there’s a girl here selling perfume. But she’s going around to all the truckers and flashing them. I think she’s selling more than perfume.”

Me: “All right, sir, I can dispatch an officer. Can you describe the girl to me?”

Caller: “Oh, about a B cup. Not too bad but nothing you would want to go home and brag to mom about.”

Me: “Er… what about her hair color and skin color?”

Caller: “Oh… I guess your question makes more sense now.”


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The Rule Deep-Ends On How Cute You Are

, , , | Right | February 25, 2010

(A man and his son are swimming in the pool. The boy’s mother is sitting in the viewing area until she approaches me. Policy states that proper swim-wear must be worn, i.e. no t-shirts.)

Mother: “How can you discriminate like this!”

Me: “I’m afraid I don’t know what you’re talking about, ma’am.”

Mother: “You won’t let me go swimming with my boy! Look how happy he is. I want to share that with him!”

Me: “You can go swimming as much as you’d like. You just have to put a swimsuit on first.”

Mother: “Exactly! Look at me! I can’t find a suit that would fit me!”

Me: “Why, I’m sure that’s not true. I get mine at [Local Sporting Goods Store] and they come in many different sizes.”

Mother: “Yes, but none of those are cute!”

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Each Birthday Brings Darker Days

, , , , | Right | February 25, 2010

Customer: “Do you guys still do that free tan on your birthday thing?”

Me: “Yes, we do!”

Customer: “Well, no one called me!”

Me: “Oh, we don’t actually call the clients.”

Customer: “How am I supposed to know when to come then?”

Me: “You just come in on your birthday.”

Customer: “Well, when is that?”

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