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The customer is NOT always right!

Soy Not Sorry

, , , | Right | August 30, 2017

(A 20ish female customer comes up to my counter.)

Customer: “Can I just get a large cup of hot water? With a lid?”

(I prepare it and add a sleeve because it’s hot. She drops in a teabag from her purse.)

Customer: “Thanks. Do you have any honey?”

(I point to the condiment bar. As she’s adding honey, she looks at the cream pitcher.)

Customer: “Excuse me, do you have soy milk?”

Me: “We do, but that’s not free.”

Customer: “Really?! I guess I should’ve gone to a DIFFERENT coffee shop!”

Me: “I guess you should have.”

Stupid Drives Long Distance

, , , | Right | August 30, 2017

(This takes place in the CD/DVD department of a national chain bookstore. I have just handed the customer the movie she is looking for.)

Customer: “How much is it?”

Me: “$49.95.”

Customer: “Why is it so much?”

Me: “That’s a special collector’s edition. It comes with extra…”

Customer: “I saw it for 50% off at your store across town yesterday.”

Me: “I’m sure you did. But today is the first Tuesday of the month, and all the sales and special offers changed this morning.”

Customer: “It’s 50% off at your other store, why not here?”

Me: “No, ma’am. The price changed just this morning. I’m sorry for the confusion.”

Customer: *in a loud voice* “I’m driving to the other store because movies are 50% off there.” *storms out*

Customer #2: *who has been waiting patiently* “There is a tax on stupid, and today, that tax is a gallon of gasoline.”

One More Light Out For Feminism

, , , | Right | August 30, 2017

A caller had no Internet service. She had a big power outage and her modem wasn’t getting any power. She said she needed Internet ASAP because she was a doctor and needed it for her “practice.”

To determine whether a breaker jumped or if it was our modem that was fried, I asked her to plug in a lamp or anything else to the plug to see if it lights up. Pretty straight forward, I thought. To which she replied, and I quote, “I’m just a woman. I can’t be expected to know how to do this. Just send a tech.”

Seeing as how feminism had just taken it on the chin by one of their own, I had to bite my tongue to stop myself from replying, “Okay, I’ll send a big strong man to fix that right up for you. Just have a sandwich waiting for him when he gets there.”

What Is The Price To Get Rid Of You?

, , | Right | August 30, 2017

(The following takes place in a store that is clearly going out of business. The sales floor is in a shambles, prices of merchandise have been reduced significantly, and the staff morale is at an all-time low.)

Customer: “Hey, how much is this?”

Coworker: *scans item* “It’s [price], sir.”

Customer: “Can you give me a better price than that? You’re getting rid of it anyway, right?”

Coworker: “It’s still [price], sir.”

Customer: “You know what? I don’t know if I like that attitude of yours. I want to speak to your manager!”

Coworker: “Go right ahead, sir. He’s just gonna tell you the same thing.”

(At this point, our manager walks in.)

Manager: “What seems to be the problem here?”

Customer: “Your employee has an attitude problem!”

Manager: “Sir, I was standing right over there the whole time—” *pointing to a nearby location* “—and I heard the whole thing. All I heard was [Coworker] telling you the price of an item.”

Customer: “Well, yeah, but I don’t like the attitude she was giving me! Aren’t you going to do something about that?”

Manager: “What do you want me to do? Fire her? We’re all going to be losing our jobs, anyway!”

Customer: “I still expect you to reprimand her! That kind of behavior is unacceptable in customer service!”

Manager: “Says the guy trying to haggle like we’re at a god-d*** flea market! I don’t give a s*** anymore. Either pay the price shown on the register, or get the h*** out of my store!”

(Closing times are fun times.)


This story is part of our Hagglers roundup.

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It’s The Most Electrifying Time Of The Year

, , , | Right | August 30, 2017

(I am trying to get to Calgary for Christmas. Unfortunately, a snowstorm shuts down my local airport on the afternoon of December 21 before I can fly out, and I wind up spending the night on a bench. There are no more seats available to Calgary before the 25th, so I take a flight to Edmonton on the 24th, reasoning that one way or another, I can get to Calgary from there. The following takes place while I am waiting at a boarding gate in Edmonton to exchange my stand-by ticket for a boarding pass. The flight is maybe 20 minutes behind schedule.)

Teenage Girl: *haranguing the airline employee about the flight being late and not being allowed to smoke in the airport* “I’ve been waiting for TWO HOURS…”

Me: *interrupting* “I’ve been trying to get to Calgary since Sunday.”

Teenage Girl: *spins around and gapes at me* “What?”

Me: *briefly explains*

Teenage Girl: “You need to complain more! I’d have been in their face…”

Me: *interrupting* “Some guy tried that. He got tasered and arrested.”

Teenage Girl: *shuts up and goes back to the lounge*

Airline Employee: “Thanks!”