(I am talking to a friend, who is telling a story about a flatbread sandwich they had recently that wasn’t so great. I go up to the counter at the fast food restaurant we’re in to order an egg and bagel sandwich.)

Cashier: “Good morning, what can I get for you?”

Me: “Good morning. Can I get a flatbread egg sandwich with a side of hash browns?”

Cashier: *thinks for a minute* “You want the egg white flatbread sandwich with hash browns?”

(I haven’t picked up on my error.)

Me: *confused* “That’s not what I said. I would like the flatbread egg sandwich. Why are you saying egg white flatbread sandwich?”

Cashier: *confused* “That’s the only flatbread egg sandwich we have on the menu.”

Me: *extremely confused* “Well, I know that’s your only flatbread sandwich, but I don’t want a flatbread sandwich.”

(At this point, my friend has been laughing the whole time and steps in.)

Friend: “Sorry, she wants a BAGEL and egg sandwich with hash browns.”

Me: “That’s what I said, right?”

Friend: “No. You kept saying ‘flatbread’.”

Me: “Really? Oh, wow, that explains why that exchange was so confusing. I’m sorry about that!”

Cashier: “All right, one BAGEL and egg sandwich with hash browns. Your total is $3.65.”

Me: *hands her $5* “Just keep the change. I think you deserve a small tip for that.”

(My friend poked fun at me a little bit more and when the cashier handed me my order, she emphasized that it was on a BAGEL.)

(I am at a store with my grandmother, picking up dog food. Since I have just gotten out of work and am only picking the food up, as it is on the way and I don’t want to backtrack, I’m still wearing my uniform, consisting of a blue shirt and tan work pants. The employees at the store wear a red shirt and black pants.)

Customer: *approaches from behind while I’m looking at a magazine, a couple feet away from my grandmother* “Excuse me. Where are the flea collars located?”

Me: *ignores her thinking that she is talking to an employee nearby*

Customer: *taps my shoulder to get my attention*

Me: *turns and looks at her* “Am I in the way? I’m sorry.” *goes to move out of her way*

Customer: “No. Where are the flea collars?”

Me: *looks confused* “I don’t know, ma’am.”

Customer: “Well, you should know, since you work here.”

Me: “I don’t work here. I’m only picking up dog food.”

Customer: “Why are you wearing a badge, then?”

Me: *looks down at my badge that clearly states the name of the store I work at on it* “I just got of work and didn’t want to make a unneeded trip. Plus, the employees here wear red shirts, not navy blue.”

Customer: “Well, aren’t you inconvenient.” *stomps off*

(Meanwhile, my grandmother was watching the entire exchange and started laughing after the woman left.)

(I am walking the aisles, not even closely looking like an employee, when a young lady comes across me.)

Lady: “Hey there, where is [item]?”

Me: *sincerely confused* “Excuse me… I don’t know, I don’t work here.”

Lady: “But… you have a beard; you MUST be working here.”

(A 20ish female customer comes up to my counter.)

Customer: “Can I just get a large cup of hot water? With a lid?”

(I prepare it and add a sleeve because it’s hot. She drops in a teabag from her purse.)

Customer: “Thanks. Do you have any honey?”

(I point to the condiment bar. As she’s adding honey, she looks at the cream pitcher.)

Customer: “Excuse me, do you have soy milk?”

Me: “We do, but that’s not free.”

Customer: “Really?! I guess I should’ve gone to a DIFFERENT coffee shop!”

Me: “I guess you should have.”

(This takes place in the CD/DVD department of a national chain bookstore. I have just handed the customer the movie she is looking for.)

Customer: “How much is it?”

Me: “$49.95.”

Customer: “Why is it so much?”

Me: “That’s a special collector’s edition. It comes with extra…”

Customer: “I saw it for 50% off at your store across town yesterday.”

Me: “I’m sure you did. But today is the first Tuesday of the month, and all the sales and special offers changed this morning.”

Customer: “It’s 50% off at your other store, why not here?”

Me: “No, ma’am. The price changed just this morning. I’m sorry for the confusion.”

Customer: *in a loud voice* “I’m driving to the other store because movies are 50% off there.” *storms out*

Customer #2: *who has been waiting patiently* “There is a tax on stupid, and today, that tax is a gallon of gasoline.”