Mind Games With The Mindless

, , | | Right | April 29, 2008

(I work in a few different departments, so it’s not uncommon for me to see the same customer twice…)

Me: “How are you today, folks?”

Man: “We’re just fine.”

(We chat for a moment, then I walk 20 feet over to our paint counter. About 5 minutes passes and the same customer passes me.)

Man: “You know, you look like the guy that talked to us over in fitness.”

Me: *grinning* “Yes sir, that was my stunt double.”

(The man walks away with a confused look on his face.)

Coworker: “You know, you’d really blow his mind if you met him at the front door.”

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Strange Ambitions

| | Right | April 29, 2008

Me: “Good morning, sir, what can I get for you?”

Customer: “Ehhh…I’ll have a coffee.”

Me: “Excellent choice, sir. What kind of coffee? Our menu’s up there on the board if you’d like, or perhaps our house coffee?”

Customer: “What other kind of COFFEE is there? This IS a coffee shop, right?”

Me: “Well sir, we are a specialty coffee shop, and have many different varieties. If you’d like–”

Customer: “NO! This is so STUPID! Why would anyone bother having DIFFERENT kinds of coffee!”

Me: “…”

Customer: “Ha ha! Just kidding. I always wanted to do that.”

(He skips out of the store. Yes, skipped. Keep in mind this is a middle-aged man.)

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Procrastinology, B.S.

| | Right | April 29, 2008

Dorm resident: “Hi. What’s the policy on moving out? When do we have to be out by?”

Me: “Saturday morning by 10 AM, at the latest. We’d really prefer if you could make arrangements to be out sooner, though.”

Dorm resident: “Well…what about later than that?”

Me: “I’m sorry, that’s not possible. We’re starting a rather large remodeling project that’s on a very tight schedule. They need to get started that morning. If you are here past 10, you’ll be charged the improper checkout fee.”

Dorm resident: “So…what about, like, 10:30?”

Me: “Uhh…that’s later than 10, isn’t it? If you want to get very technical about it, you’d be guilty of trespassing at that point, and the police would be helping you move out.”

(For the record, that’s not entirely true, but we’ve been encouraged to say that to convince the little darlings to get out.)

Dorm resident: “Well, that’s just not fair! What if it’s an emergency?”

Me: “You’re planning to have an emergency over a week in advance?”

Dorm resident: “F**k you.”

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When ET Invades, Resistance Will Be Minimal

| | Right | April 29, 2008

(A customer called in because she did not remember her password to one of our on-line applications. For federal reasons, we have to verify identity, usually with their birth date and/or some part of their social security number before we can reset a password.)

Me: “Alright, ma’am, I just need to know your birth date.”

Customer: “How am I supposed to know that?”

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The Gall To Call A Small A Tall

| | Right | April 28, 2008

(I work in a coffee place that has “special” names for their sizes. Since no one can ever get them right, I just started saying small, medium and large to make it easier.)

Customer: “I’ll have a vanilla latte please.”

Me: “Sure. Would you like the large?”

Customer: “Yeah. That’s the small, right?”

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