Ask A Stupid Question, Part 3

| | Right | August 16, 2008

(I’m delivering some pizzas and “quepapas.” They come with ranch dressing for dipping but my co-worker forgot to put the ranch in the box.)

Customer: “If you don’t mind, I’m gonna have a look at the quepapas, because last time I got them they were cold.”

Me: “Sure thing, not a problem.”

Customer: *opens box* “Where the heck is the ranch dressing?!”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, I guess we forgot to put it in the box. I could go back and get it for you if you would like.”

Customer: “Well yeah! How am I supposed to eat them without ranch dressing?!”

Me: “I would try sticking it in your mouth, followed by chewing and then swallowing…”

Customer: “Good one, jacka**!” *slams door*

 

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A Little Bit Too Honest There

, , | | Right | August 16, 2008

(I used to work at a sporting goods store. One day a young guy of about 12-14 years of age comes in.)

Customer: “Hi, can you tell me where I can find a jock, like, for playing baseball?”

Me: “Oh, you mean a protective cup? Sure, they’re right over here.”

Customer: “Thanks. Oh, are there sizes?”

Me: “Yeah, they’re–”

Customer: *whispers* “I think I’m a small.”

Me: “They’re according to waistband.”

Customer: “Oh…”

Me: “I’ll be over there if you need anything else.”

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Darwin Called, He Wants His Prehensile Thumb Back

, , , | | Right | August 16, 2008

Me: “Thank you for holding. I hear you need some help getting your car opened?”

Caller: “Yeah, my battery went dead and so I can’t get my doors open!”

Me: “Did you lock your keys in your car?”

Caller: “No, it’s just that I have electronic locks, and the battery is dead so I can’t get the doors open!”

Me: “Um, did you try to open the door manually?”

Caller: “How do I do that? ”

Me: “You stick your key into the door lock on the outside of the door. Turn it and it should unlock.”

Caller: “OH! YOU CAN DO THAT?!”

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Only The Undead Ones

| | Right | August 15, 2008

(Our store is in a mall, but instead of having the gates like most stores, we have big glass doors.  The mall closes at 9 pm; at 9:30 pm, a customer comes up to the door.)

Customer: *pulls at the door, then knocks*

Employee: *goes over to the door and unlocks it*

Customer: “Are ya’ll closed?”

Employee: “Yes, and so is every other store in this mall.”

Customer: “Why? Ya’ll should stay open at night. Ain’t that when your customers come out?”

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Don’t Let The Door Hit You On The Way Out

, , | | Right | August 15, 2008

(I’m a liquor store owner. A teenager grabs a couple of beer bottles and proceeds to the counter to purchase the beer.)

Me: “May I see your ID?”

Customer: “What?”

Me: “I don’t sell alcohol to people without IDs.”

Customer: “But I’m 18! I’m allowed to buy beer!”

Me: “Sorry, but its the law. No ID, no beer.”

Customer: “F*** you! F*** this government! Can’t a man just buy and enjoy their beer anymore?”

Me: “Look, all you have to do is flash your ID and you can buy all the beer you want. Now, can I see your d*** ID?”

Customer: “No, you listen to me! I didn’t drive all the way here to be treated like this. Back then, trust was enough to keep things rolling, but now everyone thinks everyone is a liar! This country is a f****** dump! Do I look 12 to you? I’m telling you, I’m 18 and I’m allowed to buy beer, and…” *rants on and on*

Me: “Get out of my store.”

Customer: “Excuse me?!”

Me: “Oh I’m sorry. Where are my manners? Get the f*** out of my store!”

Customer: “I’m never coming here again!”

Me: “Now you’re getting the idea!”

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