Buuuurn

| | Right | June 30, 2008

(A man shoves himself to the front of a long line of people.)

Me: “Sir, I’m afraid you’re going to have to go to the back of the line.”

Him: “NO! I’m the Messiah!”

Me: “Wow. The Jews are in for a BIG disappointment.”

(He stands there for a second and shuffles to the back of the line. The other customers applaud.)

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Accidental Lemonade From Lemons

| | Right | June 29, 2008

Me: “Hi, can I help with anything?”

Customer: “Yes, I’m looking for a good book.”

Me: “Do you have any specific genre or subject in mind?”

Customer: “Yes, a good one… one that I’ll like.”

Me: “Um, you’ll have to be a bit more specific. I don’t really know what you like. Science fiction, thriller, fantasy, horror, that sort of thing?”

Customer: “Well, don’t you know any good books?”

Me: “I haven’t actually read them all, but–”

Customer: “You haven’t? What kind of librarian are you? Isn’t there anyone here who can help me?”

Me: “This one–” *holding up a book* “–is pretty popular at the mo–”

Customer: “How do you know I’ll like it?! You can’t know that. I want a book that I’ll like.”

(I get frustrated and just grab a random book that was recently turned in.)

Me: “Here, you’ll love this one!”

(Unfortunately, she did like it, and told my boss to thank me for my great suggestion. Darn.)

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Unlimited Nights, Weekends and Spelling

| | Right | June 29, 2008

Me: “Thank you for calling *** Wireless. May I have the 10 digit number you’re calling about today?”

Customer: “Yes, can you spell thousand for me?”

Me: “… excuse me?”

Customer: “Can you spell thousand?”

Me: “Um, sure. T-H-O-U-S-A-N-D.”

Customer: “T-H-O-U-S-A-N-D.”

Me: “Yes that’s correct…”

Customer: “Okay, thank you. Can you spell fifteen?”

Me: “Um, excuse me–”

Customer: “Can you spell fifteen?”

Me: “F-I-F-T-E-E-N.”

Customer: “Okay, thank you!” *click*

Me: ???

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iPod, Meet iDiet

| | Right | June 29, 2008

(I’ve just spent about 10 minutes answering fairly standard questions from a customer about an iPod. Then, they asked this one…)

Customer: “Oh, before you leave I have one more question!”

Me: “Sure, what can I help you with?”

Customer: “Will the iPod get heavier if I put more songs on it?”

Me: “No…?”

(I was so dumbfounded I didn’t realize how stupid the question actually was until 10 minutes later.)

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Never Smart: Biting The Hand That Makes Your Coffee

| | Right | June 29, 2008

Customer: “I want a coffee.”

Me: “What sort of coffee can I get for you, sir?”

Customer: “Just black coffee.”

Me: “Would you like drip coffee or an Americano, sir?”

Customer: “Don’t make it so BLOODY COMPLICATED, just get me a coffee! And don’t try to sell me them fancy things like sprinkles, neither!”

(My coworker and I stifle our laughter as I silently ring up the largest size of the most expensive ‘black’ coffee.)

Customer: “That’s better. No more of your lip!”

Coworker: *laughs out loud*

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