…And Fruit Hates You Right Back

| | Right | July 7, 2008

Me: “Hi, how can I help you today?”

Customer: “Yeah, I’d like a Coke.”

Me: “I’m sorry sir, we make smoothies here. Have you looked at our menu?”

Customer: “You don’t have any Coke?”

Me:¬†”No, sir. Just fruit drinks.”

Customer:¬†”Oh. Well, I’ll have a coffee then.”

Me: “Sir, we don’t serve coffee here. Just smoothies.”

Customer: “What kind of drink shop is this?!¬†I come in here trying to get a drink, and you don’t have anything!”

Me:¬†”We’re a smoothie shop, sir. What kind of fruit do you like?”

Customer: “I HATE FRUIT!” *storms out of the store*

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Altruism, How I Miss Thee

| | Right | July 7, 2008

Library patron: “I’ve donated a lot of books over the years. So, from now on I’d like all my requests for free, please.”

(Requests to transfer books from one library branch to another cost $1 per time.)

Me: “I’m sorry. We don’t have any policy to do that.”

Library patron: “I’ve donated so many books over the years I think this is a special case! I should be given free requests and fines.”

Me: “I’m sorry, that’s not something you’ll be able to do. A lot of people donate books and we don’t give them free requests and fines.”

Library patron: “But I’ve been supporting the library with all these donations I’ve been giving. I deserve something in return!”

Me: “I’m sorry, but the word donation implies you expect nothing in return… otherwise, it’s not a donation.”

Library patron: *lightbulb goes on* “Oh…”

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A Fine Line Between Smarta** and Dumba**

, , | | Right | July 7, 2008

(I work at a popular fast food restaurant. Drive-through customers should be aware that we can hear every word they say.)

Coworker: “Hi, welcome to ***. How can I help you?”

Customer: “I just need a minute to decide.”

Coworker: “No problem, just let me know when you are ready.”

(The customer talks to his passengers, while we listen…)

Customer, to his passengers: “I should ask for something dumb on my ice cream, just to see what they say. How about pickles? They would probably just ignore me. Oh, I know… tomatoes!”

Customer, to my coworker: “Okay, I’m ready.”

Coworker: “Alright, go ahead…”

Customer: “I’d like an ice cream sundae with tomatoes on it, please.”

Coworker: “I’m sorry, due to the recent recall in the States, we aren’t serving tomatoes right now. Can I offer you a sundae with pickles instead?”

Customer: *drives off without ordering anything*

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Those Silly Colonies And Their Quaint Rebellion

, | | Right | July 7, 2008

(We have a lot of patriotic displays up in the store windows for the 4th of July: flags, red white and blue balloons, Uncle Sam hats, etc.)

Old lady 1: “Wow, look at all of these! It’s Christmas in July.”

Old lady 2: “I love it when they do this. I love crazy things like Christmas in July!”

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Mom In A Thong: Wrong

| | Right | July 6, 2008

Me: “Ma’am, you’re not allowed to have non-service dogs in the store unless you’re holding them.”

Woman: “Oh, I know.”

Me: “Well… I am going to have to ask you to keep the dog in your arms while you’re shopping.”

Woman: “That’s fine. I just had to readjust my thong.”

Woman’s young daughter: “MOM!!!!”

Woman: “What? I wanted him to know.”

 

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