This Can Not End Well, Part 2

| | Right | April 6, 2009

Me: “Thank you for calling ***, how can I help you today?”

Caller: “Do y’all sell erotic films?”

Me: “… No, sir.”

Caller: “Hmm. You know where I can get some bullets?”

Me: “Nowhere within a hundred miles of here!” *click*

 

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Unholier Than Thou

| | Right | April 6, 2009

Me: “Thank you for your purchase, Mr. [Customer’s Name]!”

(Out of nowhere, the guy literally goes insane and starts to jump over the counter, screaming…)

Customer: “How dare you take my name in vain!”

(Luckily, my manager is a bouncer for his second job and walks over.)

My manager: “What’s going on?”

Customer: “Nothing…” *back to normal, leaves quietly*

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(Gassy) Rumblings Of Discontent

, , | | Right | April 6, 2009

(I run an overnight shift at the store. It’s New Year’s Eve and we’ve got cars around the store when we receive a phone call.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Fast Food Place], how may I help you?”

Customer: “Yeah… I just came through your drive-thru an hour ago and bought some potato wedges.”

Me: “Yes?”

Customer: “Well, I got home and ate them, and now I’ve been sitting on the toilet for the past half hour because of your food.”

Me: “Okay.”

Customer: “So I wanna know who’s responsible for this?”

Me: “Honestly, sir we cannot take responsibility for your stomach problems.”

Customer: “Well, someone’s buying me a new pack of toilet paper because I’m out, and I’ll be d***ed if it’s me.”

Me: “Sir, we cannot pay for any household products…”

Customer: “Then why’d you sell me the wedges?!”

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Blind As A Bat Out Of Hell

| | Right | April 6, 2009

(One day, a lady walked into our hair salon and said she had an appointment. We looked through the client list, but couldn’t find it.)

Me: “Sorry, but I can’t find your appointment here. Are you sure it was today?”

Customer: “Of course! I demand an appointment now!”

Me: “Well, I’m really sorry. I can’t find you on the system. We’re booked out today, but I can put up a new appointment for you if you want.”

Customer: “This is bull! I booked an appointment a long time ago. Give me an appointment now, or I’ll call the police!”

Me: “Well what were you going to do? Maybe I can fit you in between two other clients.”

Customer: “I was going to get my eyes checked and get new glasses!”

Me: *trying not to laugh* “Ma’am, the optical store is next door.”

Customer: “Uh… well…” *gives me a dirty look and leaves*

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At Least He Can Tell Time

| | Right | April 4, 2009

College student: “Do you have any stamps?”

Me: “No, I’m sorry. This is a library.”

College student: “But I need to buy some stamps.”

Me: “I can’t help you. We don’t sell stamps in the library. You should try the post office in [college building] tomorrow.”

College student: “But I need the stamps now. Can’t I just have some stamps?”

Me: “Listen, libraries don’t sell stamps. The post office will sell you stamps tomorrow morning when it opens. But right now, in this building, I can not sell you stamps.”

College student: “So you’ll sell me stamps tomorrow?”

Me: “Listen, you can’t even mail anything on a Sunday evening. Why don’t you come back later?”

(Not surprisingly, he came back at 8 the next morning demanding stamps.)

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