A Hold Day In Hell

| Right | March 2, 2008

(An extremely difficult older customer was waiting on hold to speak to me while I was on the line with another customer. He impatiently hung up several times and called back as though terrorizing the receptionists would get him on the phone with me any faster.)

Me: “Sorry to keep you holding, how can I help you?”

Older Male Customer: “I demand that you remove that hold music immediately because I refuse to listen to it! I also don’t appreciate waiting! I’m very busy and don’t have the time to waste to talk to you!”

Me: “I’m apologize for the inconvenience, but I was on the line with another customer.”

Older Male Customer: “Now I’m going to waste your time by staying on the line so you can’t take any other calls!”

Me: “Okay…”

Older Male Customer: “…”

Me: “…”

(The silence continues for another pointless several seconds.)

Older Male Customer: “Let me speak to the owner!”

Me: “Alright, he’s on the other line so it’ll just be a moment.”

Older Male Customer: “NO, I don’t want to be put on hold! I want to speak to him NOW! Just write on a piece of paper that LEONARD ***** is on the phone and go in his office and wave it in front of his face.”

(I put him on hold and he immediately hangs up and calls back screaming about having to wait. I try to transfer the call to the owner but he hangs up as soon as he’s put on hold and the cycle repeats itself.)

Me: “Sir, I -have- to put you on hold in order to transfer the call.”

Older Male Customer: “No, just transfer the call without putting me on hold!”

Me: “I’m sorry but that’s physically impossible…”

Older Male Customer: “I don’t care! Do it anyway!”

Me: *sigh*

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The Joy Of Sex(ism), Part 2

, , , | Right | March 1, 2008

(I’m a girl, and I work in a video game store.)

Dude: “Are you guys hiring?”

Me: “No, we just let some people go actually.”

Dude: “Oh, I assumed they were desperate. I mean, they hired a girl.”

Me: “I’ve worked here for three years.”

Dude: “Oh, well can I ask the manager anyway?”

Me: “Sure, he’s standing right over there.” *points to next register*

Manager: “Don’t even ask. You just insulted my assistant manager.”

 

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Those Pesky Twin Brothers

, | Right | March 1, 2008

(I am calling customers with overdue movies to remind them that they are due back.)

Customer: “Hello?”

Me: “Hi, this is Lynne up at Movie M**** and I was just calling to remind you that The Bourne Identity and Barnyard were both due back about six days ago. So, if you could get those back to–”

Customer: “I told the guy that called last night I didn’t rent those movies!”

Me: “Well, sir, I can give you the exact time and date they were rented, if that would help you remember…”

Customer: “And when the hell did I supposedly rent these movies?”

Me: “Wednesday, the 23rd at 7:13 pm.”

Customer: “I didn’t rent them! I was out of the country last week!”

Me: “Sir, do you have a brother?”

Customer: “No, I don’t have a brother! Why in the h*** do you want to know that?!”

Me: “Because if you were out of the country then it must be your twin brother on the security tape renting those movies.”

(Customer sputters for a moment.)

Me: “If you can get those back to us before we close tonight at 10 pm, there will be no further late charges.”

Customer: “Okay.” *hangs up*

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Alls Well That Ends Well In Roswell

, , | Right | March 1, 2008

(I worked at a sign making company in Vancouver–AKA Hollywood North–that did a lot of work for locally produced sci-fi TV shows like The X-Files. We did a lot of signage that said things like “FBI Headquarters” that they would use to make a local library look like some kind of secret government research facility.)

Movie Set B*tch: “OMG! We need a TEAK sign that says FBI headquarters down here at the set in three hours.”

(Note: This job normally takes one person several days to complete with staining and whatnot.)

Me: “Okay. We can do it but we’re going to have to charge you triple for a rush job.”

MSB: “No problem. Just have it down here in three hours. I don’t care how much it costs.”

Me: “Just to confirm. You want it stained to look like teak, yes?”

MSB: “Yes. Please hurry!”

(We get the sign done in 2.5 hours but we’re literally applying the last coat of stain to it while we drive to the studio to make sure it looks good when we get there.)

(MSB Looks at the sign and throws a fit.)

MSB: “I SAID TEAK! TEAK! TEAK! TEAK!”

(I look around. The whole set is done in mahogany. Very different colour of wood, if you’re not familiar.)

Me: *points at the mahogany set* “Do you mean this colour?”

MSB: “YES! TEAK!”

Me: “That’s mahogany.”

MSB: “F*** YOU, YOU LITTLE S***. YOU’RE GOING TO PAY FOR THIS IF IT PUTS US OFF SCHEDULE!”

(MSB storms off to find the director. The director comes around, looking pissed.)

Director: “What’s the problem?”

(MSB tells him how stupid we are and that she specifically asked for teak. The director looks at the set and at our sign.)

Director, to MSB: “God d*mnit, you’re dumb! The set is mahogany. You were supposed to order mahogany signs!”

MSB: *looks like she’s going to barf*

(The director apologized to us and asked us how fast we could re-make the sign. We told him two hours but it was going to cost them.)

(On the bright side, we got to have lunch with Scully and Mulder.)

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So Much For That First Impression

| Right | February 29, 2008

(We are accustomed to seeing celebrities walk into our store. One day, Forest Whitaker came in looking for a book. We played it cool and treated him like any other customer. Just as he was leaving, one of our regulars recognized him.)

Customer: “Oh my god! You’re Forest Whitaker! You were in [movie]!”

Forest: “No, I wasn’t.”

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