Insanity Comes Through Loud And Clear

, , | Right | April 22, 2009

(This guy calls in and gets the wrong department. The correct department is in another city, or perhaps country.)

Me: “I’m sorry, but I can’t access your account from my department. If you’ll let me put you on hold, I’ll transfer you to someone who–”

Customer: “No! Every time I get put on hold I get dropped.”

Me: “Well, I can’t help you unless you let me put you–”

Customer: “Stop interrupting me!”

Me: “I… I’m not–”

Customer: “Yes, you are! Do we have to start using the over-and-out method?”

Me: “I’m not sure what–”

Customer: “After everything I say, I say ‘over.’ Then you can talk. Then you say ‘over,’ and I can talk.”

Me: “I’m not really sure that’s necess–”

Customer: “Now, I need to put more minutes on my phone. Over.”

Me: “I’m in the post-paid department and I can’t access prepaid accounts here. If you’ll let me transfer you I can get someone who can help you. Over.”

Customer: “No. I refuse to be put on hold. Just get someone to come over and use your phone.”

(There is a long pause.)

Customer: “Hello? Are you ignoring me?” *another long pause* “HELLOOOOOO!”

Me: “You didn’t say ‘over.'”

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It’s A Miracle She’s Still On The Ground…

| Right | April 22, 2009

(A very angry customer storms up to the counter at the party shop I was working at.)

Customer: “These balloons are no good! I spent all afternoon blowing them up, and none of them will float!”

Me: “What did you fill them with?”

Customer: “What do you mean? I just blew them up, and none of them will float.”

Me: “Did you fill them with air or helium?”

Customer: “Air.”

Me: “They won’t float unless you use a helium tank.”

Customer: “NO! Look, it says on the packet, ‘Helium Balloons’.”

Me: “…”

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These Aren’t Your Parents’ ET-Murdering Games

| Right | April 22, 2009

(I was a customer watching this exchange. A customer walked up to the counter with his young child to purchase Halo 3.)

Cashier 1: “Just to check, you know this game is rated ‘M’, right?”

Customer: “Yeah, yeah, I know.”

Cashier 1: “Sorry, just have to check, part of the job.”

Customer: “What good is that for?”

Cashier 2: “It’s just to prevent minors from playing games with violent or mature content, unless parents are OK with it.”

Customer: “Well that’s stupid.”

Cashier 2: “It’s required by law. If we don’t check, we could lose our job. It’s a violent game – shooting aliens, blood, etc.”

Customer: “I’ve been shooting aliens since I was 12!”

Cashier 1: “Well, it’s our job and we have to do it.”

Customer: *storms out with the child* “Thanks for nothing!”

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Parents, The Gateway Drug

, , , | Right | April 22, 2009

(A man and woman with a 10-year-old kid come up to my counter to rent Grand Theft Auto 4.)

Me: “You know, this game is rated and ‘M’ and generally not considered a good choice for young children.”

Parent: “Yeah, so?”

Me: “Just saying… Some parents don’t know. I just wanted to make sure.”

Parent: “Pfft… like I care about that. You’re going to be a boring parent!”

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Maybe It Got Chuck Norris’d

, , , | Right | April 22, 2009

(A customer approaches the repair counter with a paper shopping bag, and I can hear stuff rattling around inside.)

Customer: “I bought this computer here, and it’s broken. I want to return it.”

(She dumps out the bag, and inside is a laptop that is broken completely in half.)

Customer: “It was like this when I opened the box.”

Me: “Okay… well, do you have the receipt and the original packaging?”

Customer: *hands me a receipt*

Me: “Ma’am, this receipt is from three months ago.”

Customer: “I know. I bought it three months ago but I just opened it today.”

Me: “Do you have the original packaging?”

Customer: “No, I threw it away.”

Me: “So, let me get this straight. You opened the box, three months after buying the computer, and the laptop was broken in half, so you threw out the box?”

Customer: “Yeah, I didn’t think I needed it.”

Me: “I really don’t think you can return this.”

Customer: “All right, but you can fix it. It’s still got a manufacturer warranty.”

Me: “I’m sorry, but manufacturer warranties don’t cover accidental damage, just defects.”

Customer: “But it’s not accidental damage! It was like this when I bought it!”

Me: “I find that really hard to believe, and so would anyone else. Nobody in their right mind would believe that it came out of the box like this.”

Customer: “But why would I lie about that?”

Me: “To get a free repair? I’m sorry, I just can’t do it. Your warranty does not cover accidental damage.”

Customer: *thinks for a moment* “But what if it wasn’t an accident?”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Customer: “What if it wasn’t an accident? I did it on purpose. That’s not accidental damage.”

Me: “…”

Customer: “Hmmmmmmm?”

Me: “Have a good day, ma’am.”

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