(It is the holidays and I am working layaway. The mad rush has just died down. Our layaway department is adjacent to the clothing section. A woman approaches the layaway counter.)

Customer: “Excuse me? Can you help me with something?”

Me: “Sure. What is it?”

Customer: “Can you tell me what size these gloves are?”

(She places the gloves on the counter. I pick them up and inspect the tag, noticing it says “OSFM.”)

Me: “It says ‘One size fits most.'”

Customer: “So would they fit someone who is a medium?”

Me: *staring blankly* “Uh, well, it is one size fits most.”

Customer: “So would they fit a medium?”

(At this point I am internally yelling at this woman. How the h*** do you not realize that one size fits most would most likely fit someone who wears a medium size?)

Me: “One size fits most.”

Customer: “Right. So would they fit a medium?”

(This continues for a few minutes, and she is clearly not understanding.)

Me: “Yes, one size fits most would fit a medium.”

Customer: “Okay.”

(As she walked away, I banged my head against the register a few times.)

(It’s Christmas Eve. We’ve closed extremely early and aren’t taking any more orders. I’m here cleaning the dishwasher as my manager is counting the til. We’re the last two to leave. The phone rings:)

Me: *picks up* “Hello, this is [Pizza Place].”

Customer: “Hi, can I get…” *lists off 15 food items before I can say anything*

Me: “Unfortunately, madam, we closed early for Christmas Eve.”

Customer: “Bull-s***! Your website says you’re open until 11 pm!”

Me: “Yes, but because of Christmas Eve, we closed at seven.”

Customer: “Well, you’re still there, so make my d*** order!”

Me: “I can’t. The ovens are off, as are the fryers. Plus I’m not qualified to use either of them.”

Customer: “F*** you! You ruined my family’s Christmas!” *click*

Me: *puts the phone down and walks over to my manager* “Apparently I ruined Christmas because that lady isn’t getting her intake of pizza.”

Manager: “Well, merry f****** Christmas. The beer is on me!”

(I’m a self-employed dressmaker, and in the run-up to Christmas I agree to fit in a rush order.)

Client: “I want a cloak, with a red lining and black outer.”

(I make, photograph, and send the cloak. After it arrives, I get the following feedback:)

Client: “The red fabric was nicer than the black. You should have put the red on the outside.”

Me: “I happen to prefer the red myself, but since you specified what you wanted, and this included having the red on the inside, that’s what I did.”

Client: “Well… I guess I’ll make it work.”

(I’m pretty sure they were angling for a partial refund, but I wasn’t going to give money off just because they changed their mind!)

(It’s Christmas afternoon. We are very busy due to a certain sci-fi film that has just been released and is shattering box-office records.)

Customer: “It’s a shame you have to work Christmas.”

Me: “Yeah, but it’s okay. I get out in about three hours, so I’ll at least be able to have some Christmas dinner with my family before I hit bed.”

Customer: *confused* “Why would you go to bed right after dinner?”

Me: “Oh, I’m just tired. Christmas season is one of our busiest times of year, especially with the record-breaking numbers we’ve been getting for Star Wars, so I’ve been working all day every day and it gets exhausting after a while dealing with such huge volumes of guests like this non-stop.”

Customer: *perky* “Well, at least there’s the holiday overtime pay! Being paid time-and-a-half will make it worth it, am I right?”

Me: *wanting to change the subject* “Eh… sure.”

Customer: *annoyed* “Come on! Aren’t I right?”

Me: “Actually, movie theaters in this state don’t legally have to pay overtime, so we unfortunately don’t really get time-and-a-half like most other places do.”

Customer: *shouting* “Wow, douchebag! Way to ruin my Christmas by making it depressing! I wanna talk to your manager!”

(He actually went and complained to my manager that I “ruined” his Christmas and demanded I be punished, though not fired. Merry Christmas to you too, ***-hole!)

This story is part of the Star Wars Day: May The Fourth roundup!

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(I work in a cellphone store. I am the assistant manager, and it’s safe to say I know and follow all the rules and laws regarding to subscriptions.)

Customer: “Hi. I bought a new phone for my wife for Christmas, and I need a new SIM card on her number.”

Me: *looking the number up in our system* “It seems this number is solely in your wife’s name, and as such she would need to be here and identify herself in order for me to activate a new SIM card on this number, or—”

Customer: *interrupting me* “No. That won’t do. You’re going to fix this for me now.”

Me: “I’m sorry, but there is no way I can activate this card for you. However, what I can do is sell you a not-activated SIM that you can activate on our online service at your own leisure.”

Customer: “Not good enough. Fix this. Now!”

Me: “Again, there is no way. This is a matter of privacy laws.”

Customer: *flashing his driver’s license* “Look! I have the same last name!”

Me: “Still, we would need her here to do this, or you would have to have a signed written consent from her along with a copy of her ID; but I guess that would ruin the surprise, which is why I think the best solution here is the blank SIM card.”

Customer: “This is preposterous! I’m going to report you! I’m going to move her number over to a different cell provider!”

Me: “Yeah, you won’t be able to do that either without her consent.”

Customer: “Just you watch me!” *storms off*

Me: “All right. Merry Christmas!”