(I work client support for a software company that has a mobile app. The following conversation happens with a client:)
Client: “How do I reset my password? The email has a link that says, ‘Click here to reset your password.’ I don’t know what I am supposed to do.”
Me: “Click on the link that says, ‘Click here to reset your password.'”
Client: “That worked! Great!”
(I work for a small Internet company.)
Me: “Thank you for calling B-Tape. My name is [My Name]. How can I assist you?”
Customer: “Yeah, I haven’t gotten my order, and I ordered last week. Can you track it?”
Me: “I can help you with that. Do you have the order number?”
Customer: “Yes. It’s [number].”
Me: “I’m sorry, miss, but I can’t find that order. I can try with your email.”
Customer: “Sure, it’s [email].”
Me: “I can’t find it with that email. I can try with your address.”
(I cannot for the life of me find this lady’s information, no matter what she gives me. I am trying for eight minutes because she is so adamant this is an order with us.)
Me: “Ma’am, I’m sorry, but I could not find your order or an account. Are you sure you placed it with us? Maybe it was with another company. We are B-Tape.”
Customer: “Look, you took my money. I just want my order. I placed it with you last week. YOU HAVE MY MONEY. So, where is MY ORDER?!”
Me: “I will be more than happy to give you this information, but I do need to find your account. Was it under another email, by chance? Or maybe another shipping address?”
Customer: “My billing address is my shipping address. And I only have one d*** email. I’ll find it; watch!”
Me: “Sure. If you can let me know which department it was sent from, I can confirm the order number on my end, too.”
Customer: “It says it right here, ‘Order [number], placed Tuesday, with T-Stamp.’”
Me: “Oh, I see what happened. We’re actually B-Tape. That’s why I couldn’t find your order. You ordered from another company. I can Google their call center number so you can call them directly after we hang up.”
Customer: “But I already have you on the phone. So, why aren’t you giving me my order. Are you guys a scam? Like fraud?”
Me: “No. We’re B-Tape. B like ‘boy.’ You ordered from T-Stamp.”
Customer: “Yes, T like ‘toy.’ That’s your company. I’m not stupid.”
Me: “There’s some confusion. We both have similar names. But we’re spelled B like ‘Bobby,’ T-A-P-E. You ordered from T like ‘toy,’ S-T-A-M-P.”
Customer: “Oh, wow. If you knew I had the wrong place, why didn’t you tell me?!”
(She muttered about me wasting her long distance and hung up on me after 15 minutes.)
(I’m 16 and working a six-hour shift as a bagger. It’s been a long day and I still have an hour until I go home, and I’m feeling stressed and grouchy. A little boy comes up with his mother, and while she talks to the cashier, the boy talks to me.)
Little Boy: “What’s your name?”
Me: “My name is [My Name]. What’s yours?”
Little Boy: “I’m [Little Boy]. How old are you?”
Me: “I’m 16. How about you?”
Little Boy: “I’m four. Do you know how to drive?”
Me: “Yes, I do.”
Little Boy: “Do you know how to cook?”
Me: “Yes.”
Little Boy: “Do you know how to make a cookie?”
Me: “I do, indeed.”
Little Boy: “Do you know how to make an egg?”
Me: “Yep!”
Little Boy: “Do you know how to make a baby?”
(I crack up.)
Mother: *coming over* “I’m sorry! He asks the craziest things!”
Me: “No worries. He made my day!”
(He did! It’s been two years and I still tell this story.)
(I work at a call center for a large health insurance company. My name, Carolyn, can sometimes be misunderstood, but it is close enough I don’t always correct the callers.)
Me: “Thank you for calling customer service. My name is Carolyn.”
Caller: “Karen?”
Me: “No, Carolyn”
Caller: “Marilyn?”
Me: “No my name is Carolyn.”
Caller: “Parolyn?”
Me: “No, Carolyn. C-A-R-O-L-Y-N.”
Caller: “Oh, Gary Ann.”
Me: *facepalm*
(In retail, there are a few “jokes” that everyone overuses and aren’t funny anymore, but being a cashier means you fake a laugh and send the customers on their way. And then, there’s this.)
Me: “Okay, sir. Your total is [total].”
Customer: *hands me a hundred-dollar bill, and I start to check if it’s real* “Don’t worry; it’s real! Made it myself!”
Me: *fake laughs*
Customer: *pauses, suddenly serious* “They didn’t laugh when I said that at the bank this morning.”
Me: *bursts into actual laughter*
