A Mockery Of The Language

| Denver, CO, USA | Right | January 26, 2010

Customer #1: “Two coffees, please.”

Customer #2: “Milk in mine.”

Me: “Sounds great. One regular coffee, one cafe au lait.”

Customer #1: “What did you say?”

Me: “Uh, cafe au lait.”

Customer #1: “I’ve never heard that before.”

Customer #2: “That’s ’cause it’s Mexican. Café O-L-E. Olé. I swear they’re taking over!”

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Swimming With The Feces

| Pennsylvania, USA | Right | January 26, 2010

(A child has pooped in the pool so we get all the swimmers out. A customer approaches me.)

Customer: “Why did you get everybody out? It is a perfectly nice day”

Me: “Yes, but a child had an accident in the pool.”

Customer: “…so?”

Me: “Well, we have to run an eight hour cleaning cycle. We can not let you back in for the rest of the day.”

Customer: “That is so dumb! Who makes the decisions around here?”

Me: “I do. I am the lifeguard. A child has pooped in the pool, ma’am.”

Customer: “It is a nice day out and I want to swim!”

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Some Confucian About Who Is In Charge

Washington, D.C. USA | Right | January 26, 2010

Customer: “Is the President here today?”

Me: “No, the president works in the White House, not the Capitol.”

Customer: “Oh…so is he here?”

Me: “No, not today. He’s meeting with the President of China, Hu Jintao, today.”

Customer: “China doesn’t have a president.”

Me: “They don’t?”

Customer: “No, they’ve got that Mao guy.”

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The Router To Success

| Los Angeles, CA, USA | Right | January 26, 2010

Customer: “My internet seems to be out. Most of the lights on the modem are blinking. I tried unplugging it and plugging it back in. Then I started yelling at it, now I’m out of ideas.”

Me: “Have you tried a manual reset?”

Customer: “Again, I did the ‘unplug and wait three minutes before plugging it back in’ thing.”

Me: “Yes, but there is a manual on/off button on the back of the router.”

Customer: *silence* “OH MY GOD! Well…let it be known that I acknowledge my own stupidity and I hope this experience hasn’t damaged your faith in humanity too severely.”

Me: “No problem sir. I’m glad we could get it resolved and I hope you have a nice day.”

Customer: “Well, I’m brain dead…” *hangs up*

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By Then It Won’t Be So Modern

| Virginia Beach, VA, USA | Right | January 26, 2010

Customer: “Do you have Modern Warfare 2?”

Me: “No, sorry sir. We only sell pre-owned games.”

Customer: “So it’s out of stock right now?”

Me: “No, sir. Since the game only came out yesterday we won’t have it in unless someone decides they don’t want it.”

Customer: “So you don’t have it?”

Me: “No, sir.”

Customer: “When will you have it?”

Me: “In about two years.”

Customer: “Oh, okay. I’ll come back then.”

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