Not Quite Three-Thinking

| Brisbane, Australia | Right | January 31, 2010

(We have the top ten DVD’s on a wall. We use an empty case with a number on it to show where each film is ranked in the top ten. A man walks up and puts the number ‘3’ case on the counter.)

Customer: “I’d like to hire this.”

Me: “This isn’t a movie. Star Trek is currently ranked number 3. Would you like to rent that?”

Customer: “No, I don’t want Star Trek! I want this one!”

Me: “Sorry, that is just an empty case that we use to show our top ten rentals, it isn’t a film. If you’d like to rent one of our top ten make sure you grab one of the take home cases behind the display cases.”

(The man seems to catch on, returns to the shelf and walks back with one of the generic DVD cases we use to chock up the number ‘3’ case so it sits flush with the other DVDs).

Customer: “There! Now will you let me rent it?”

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Udderly Stupid

| Alberta, Canada | Right | January 31, 2010

Me: “Yes, ma’am, can I help you?”

Customer: “Yes, this beef isn’t fresh. Can you take it back and get me fresh beef?”

Me: “Ma’am, the beef we cook is the freshest we can get.”

Customer: “Well, can’t you just kill a cow out back?”

Me: “Um, no we don’t have cows in the back, that’s against the law.”

Customer: “But isn’t this Canada? How can cows be illegal?”

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Makes You Want To Dye A Little

| St. Louis, MO, USA | Right | January 30, 2010

Customer: “How much is it to make copies?”

Me: “It’s ten cents a page for black and white and fifty cents a page for color.”

Customer: “You can make color copies?”

Me: “Sure. Just make sure you choose ‘color’ before you start copying.”

(The patron goes to the copy machine, and comes back a few minutes later.)

Customer: “It’s not working. I’m only getting black and white.”

Me: “Okay. Let me see if I can figure out what’s going on.”

(I notice the patron is trying to copy something that is entirely black and white.)

Me: “Oh, I see. To get a color copy, the original does need to be in color.”

Customer: “The machine won’t put the color back in?”

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Misundertanding Basic Printables

| Nevada, USA | Right | January 30, 2010

Caller: “Can you add a button to that page?”

Me: “Sure, but you need to be more specific. What do you want it to do?”

Caller: “Can it make the user press ‘File’, ‘Print’?”

Me: “Not exactly. I can get it to the print dialog though.”

Caller: “But it can’t press ‘File’ and then ‘Print’?”

Me: “Are you asking for a button that prints the page?”

Caller: “No! I want the button to press the file menu button, then select print for them.”

Me: “This is a website. You want me to control a user’s mouse?”

Caller: “Is that really so hard to do?”

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Because They’re All Like Julie Andrews

| Sheffield, UK | Right | January 29, 2010

(I have a more pronounced British accent due to my upbringing.)

Me: “Good afternoon. How may I help you?”

American customer: *gasps* “Omigod! You’re British! You’re all ‘British-y’! Like on TV! Oh my God! Will you talk to my wife? She would love your voice!”

Me: “Uh…thank you. Sure. Where is she?”

(He takes out a phone, dialing.)

American customer: “Honey, I found an English girl! She sounds really British and everything!” *hands me the phone*

Me: “I’m sorry, I’m really confused and I have no idea what to say. Do you have a customer service related query?”

Wife on phone: *gasps* “Oh wow! Honey, your voice is beautiful!”

Me: “Thank you?”

American customer: “Do you sing too?”

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