Those Pesky Survival Instincts

| | Right | March 16, 2009

Me: “Thank you for coming to **** National Park. I hope you enjoy your stay.”

Customer: “Thank you. Can I ask you a question?”

Me: “Sure.”

Customer: “When do you let the animals out?”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Customer: “When do you let the animals out?”

Me: “It’s a national park, ma’am.”

Customer: “So?”

Me: “The animals are wild.”

Customer: “All of them?”

Me: “Yes.”

Customer: “Well, that’s not very safe!” *walks away*

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Cow Skulls For The Numbskulls

, | | Right | March 16, 2009

(A couple from up north comes into our tourist shop.)

Female Customer: “Oh look, honey!”

Husband: “Oh, wow!”

Female Customer: *points to little ceramic cow skull* “Ooh, could I see that?”

Me: “Sure…”

Female Customer: “Ooh, this is sooo pretty! What do you call them?”

Me: “Well, I call them ‘cow skulls.'”

Female Customer: “Ohhh, honey! She says they’re called “cow skulls”!

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Honk Twice For Bird Barrage

| | Right | March 16, 2009

(I work at a call center for truck drivers.)

Me: “Thank you for calling the service center. My name is ***, are you experiencing a breakdown?”

Trucker: “Yeah, I need a new windshield.”

Me: “Ok, sir. What happened to your current windshield?”

Trucker: “A bird went through it.”

Me: “Alright, a bird hit your windshield and cracked it, correct?”

Trucker: “No, the bird went THROUGH the windshield. It’s sitting in the passenger seat now and the windshield has a hole in it.”

Me: “So, what kind of bird is it?”

Trucker: “… a dead one.”

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Be Sure They Turn Left At The Bering Strait

| | Right | March 16, 2009

(A man calls in and leaves the following voicemail…)

Caller: “Hello, you shysters! You have forty-eight hours to call me or I’ll have the RCMP come and arrest you for fraud. That’s right, the Mounties are coming!”

Me, to manager: “So, a man is going to have the Mounties arrest me.”

Manager: “Really. Can they do that?”

Me: “Not in Utah.”

Manager: *laughs*

Me: “It gets better. I gave him the support number and the only people answering phones are in Australia or New Zealand. I’d like to see him sic the Mounties on THEM.”

Manager: “Let me know if he does!”

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Deceptive Desserts

| | Right | March 16, 2009

Customer: “Excuse me, but I have a complaint to make.”

Me: “Oh, sure. What’s the matter?”

Customer: “I heard a group of teenagers over there talking, and they said the cake that you serve is a lie.”

Me: “…”

Customer: “What exactly do you have to say for yourselves?! I come in here, expecting to find a decent establishment, only to find out you are selling fake food!!”

Me: “Um, ma’am. They were repeating a popular phrase from the internet. I can assure you, the cake that we sell very much exists.”

Customer: “Prove it! Show me this cake.”

Me: *points*

Customer: “Oh. In that case you should write a letter to the internet about how they’re making up rumors about your products.”

Me: “I’ll… I’ll do that. Thank you.”


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