Three Dimensions Is Two Too Many

| | Right | October 30, 2009

Customer: “Excuse me, but why are you closed at the moment?”

Me: “Umm…sorry?”

Customer: “Why are you closed?”

Me: “We’re not closed, we’re open for business. Can I help you with anything?”

Customer: “No, you are closed. That’s what that sign says.” *points to hanging sign on door* “See? It says ‘CLOSED’ in big red letters.”

Me: “Actually, that sign is to indicate to the people that are outside that we are open for business. It says ‘OPEN’ on the side pointing outwards. It flips, see?” *I go and show her*

Customer: “But it says on this side that you are closed. Why are you closed?!”

Me: “I can assure we are open. Are you sure I can’t help you with anything?”

Customer: “I swear if this is one of those elaborate radio station hoaxes, I will never shop here again!”

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Got An Urgin’ For Some Urchin

| | Right | October 29, 2009

(At the aquarium where I volunteer, a guest sticks her whole hand in our touch tank, rips off a sea urchin and proceeds to stuff it in her bag.)

Me: “Excuse me, ma’am, but you can’t do that.”

Guest: “What do you mean?”

Me: “You can’t rip the urchin off the tank’s wall. Could you please hand me it?”

Guest: “But I was going to take it home and eat it. Isn’t that okay?”

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| | Right | October 29, 2009

Customer: “Hey, you know them laptops over there? Do they come with the internet?”

Me: “They are internet capable and also have wi-fi.”

Customer: “So, I buy it and send it to the warehouse and they put the internet on it for me?”

Me: “You just need to select a company and purchase their internet services.”

Customer: “What? Then what the h*** is that Visto thing that comes on it? I need to buy two internets?”

Me: “No. Windows Vista is an operating system.”

Customer: *blank stare*

Me: “Getting the internet is kinda like getting cable television.”

Customer: “Cable?”

(The conversation only went downhill from there.)

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Fun With Photons

| | Right | October 29, 2009

Me: “Hi sir, was there anything I could help you find today?”

Customer: “Yes, I was wondering something. Why do all these glasses have the same white circles on the lenses? It’s really unstylish. I’m surprised people like this store!”

Me: “Sir, that’s the reflection of the light on the glasses.”

Customer: “Oh.”

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May We Suggest A Troublemaker Instead

| | Right | October 29, 2009

Me: “Hi there, how can I help you?”

Customer: “Hello, dear, I was wondering if I could return this coffee machine? It’s not making any coffee.”

Me: “Oh, right. Well, normally you would send it to the manufacturer and they would repair it.”

Customer: “Who?”

Me: “The manufacturer.”

Customer: “But I bought it here. Have a look at it anyway, son.”

Me: “Okay, I’ll have a quick look.”

(I open the box to find the machine wrapped in plastic and only slightly wet, but otherwise as clean as a brand new one.)

Me: “When you tried it out, did you put coffee in it?”

Customer: “Coffee?”

Me: “Yes, did you put coffee powder or granules in it?”

Customer: “No, of course not! Don’t be silly; it’s a coffee machine. It’s meant to MAKE coffee, is it not? Why buy a coffee machine that needs coffee in it to make coffee?!”

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