(I am sixteen, and I work at one of those seasonal, pop-up Halloween stores. Late in October we aren’t allowed to accept any returns, due to the store closing soon.)

Customer: “Hi, I’m making a return.”

Me: “Sorry, ma’am, but we’re not allowed to do any right now.”

Customer: “Well, I need to return this, so I am.”

Me: “Again, I’m sorry, but I’m not allowed to take any returns. The store is closing soon, anyway; it’s our policy.”

Customer: “Well, I AM.”

(We go back and forth like this for several minutes, holding up the line of customers forming behind her. She counters every argument with, “Well, I AM.”)

Me: “Let me get my manager.”

(My manager then comes and tells her the same thing, that since the store is closing in two weeks we’re not allowed to take back any previous purchases unless they are from the past three days, which hers is not.)

Customer: “Well, no one told me!” *she leaves in a huff*

(Did she expect us to call every customer who’d ever made a purchase there to remind them of the giant sign we had in the window that said, “NO RETURNS PAST [DATE]”? I hope her $4 bottle of fake blood was worth all the trouble. She also came in a few days later, since her daughter wanted something. She kept her head down the whole time and wouldn’t make eye contact with me.)

(I work for a national office supply store that includes selling software licences. I have previously helped the customer find a product that meets his needs. He calls the store less than an hour later.)

Customer: “I bought this program less than an hour ago and it’s says it’s an invalid code.”

Me: “Software can take up to 24 hours to be fully usable.”

Customer: “But it says the code is invalid. I want a refund.”

Me: “Yes, sir. Until the code is verified by the vendor, it will say that.”

Customer: “I don’t think so. I want a refund.”

Me: “We don’t usually refund codes, as we cannot verify if they have been used. However, let me ask my duty manager.”

(My boss makes an exception and allows me to offer a refund.)

Me: “Okay, sir, my boss has authorised me to make a refund.”

(Less than an hour after, the customer comes in and I offer to troubleshoot the issue.)

Customer: “Someone told me that the code may have been hacked, and that’s why it doesn’t work.”

Me: “Who told you that?”

Customer: “Someone outside.”

Me: “It seems unlikely, as these codes aren’t valid until they are paid for.”

(I enter the code, and it immediately asks me to make an account to apply the code and download the program.)

Me: “It must have since been validated.”

Customer: “I don’t see how.”

Me: “Can you please log into your account or create a new one?”

(In the process of creating a new account and verifying his password to activate the software, he forgets his password.)

Customer: “I put in the right password.”

Me: “Okay, let me reset your password, and I will make you a simple password.”

(I activate the code and show the customer the software is available on his account. He leaves to download it at home. Thirty minutes later, I get a call.)

Customer: “The software isn’t there anymore.”

Me: “Okay, let me take you through the steps from beginning to end. Please type in this address and sign in. Please describe what you see.”

(The customer describes what he sees.)

Me: “Do you see an install button?”

Customer: “Yes, do I need to click that?”

Me: “Yes.”

Customer: “Do you say hello to every customer like that?”

Me: “Yes! Of course.”

Customer: “That’s really nice! I never say hello back, but it is so nice that you say it!”

(It’s Friday evening before Easter and I’m checking out my groceries at a busy local supermarket. I’m a bit in a rush, but the cashier is very young and it looks like she’s in her first days of work. Some guy in his forties behind me taps his feet nervously and stares at her slow scanning. Of course, this doesn’t improve the scanning speed at all. After about five minutes or so:)

Impatient Customer: “GOD! Can you hurry up? It must be painful to be so stupid you can only be hired as a cashier.”

Me: “I agree she’s slow, but why do you think she’s stupid?”

Impatient Customer: “All she has to do is scan some labels; how smart do you think she has to be?”

(Visibly offended, the stressed cashier scans one of my products twice by mistake. She calls a supervisor to cancel the double-scan.)

Impatient Customer: *superior* “See? What did I tell you?”

Me: “You were right. I bet you can do it faster than she does.”

Impatient Customer: “You bet I can!”

(The supervisor arrives to cancel the double-scanned product. I approach him:)

Me: “Hello. Can you please get me a manager?”

Supervisor: “Good evening. I’m the shift supervisor; what seems to be the problem?”

Me: “Your employee here scans the products very slowly and the gentleman behind me is in a rush. He’s a lot smarter than your employee and much faster at scanning products. Since the line behind us is quite big, I was wondering if you can let him check out his own groceries to speed up the line.”

Cashier: “…”

Supervisor: “Excuse me?”

Impatient Customer: *turning red* “I didn’t…”

(Silence. I showed a massive grin to the smiling cashier, paid, and waved the smarta** good-bye. All I heard was a faint, “I’m sorry,” while pushing my cart to the parking lot.)

(I work front desk at a hotel that sits directly across the street from Lake Tahoe. A guest comes to the desk, very upset.)

Guest: “I’m very angry about my room, and I want a discount right now!”

Me: “Okay, what is the problem with the room? Maybe I can get it fixed for you.”

Guest: “I paid over $200 a night for a lake-view room, and I can’t see the lake right now!”

Me: “It is ten o’clock at night, ma’am. When it’s dark outside, I’m afraid that the lake isn’t visible from your room.”

Guest: “How can that be? I paid a lot of f****** money for this room because of the lake view. I should be able to see the lake 24 hours a day for that price.”

Me: “I’m very sorry, ma’am, but there is nothing I can do. I assure you that you will be able to see the lake in the morning.”

Guest: “Why don’t you just turn the light switch on for the lake? I know you have a switch where you can turn the lights on in the lake and I would be able to see it.”

Me: “I don’t have such a switch; there are no lights in the lake.”

Guest: “Don’t lie to me; I know you can light it up!”

Me: “I’m very sorry, ma’am. You’ll have to wait until morning.”

Guest: “I’m going to have you fired for this. I’m calling your manager first thing in the morning!”

(My boss just laughed at her and I still have my job.)