(I am a seasoned retail worker, and we recently had to start verifying credit card holders by checking their IDs. A lot of people are upset by this, but most people are appreciative, given the amount of theft that has been happening with credit cards. After one woman has paid with her debit card, she plugs in her PIN and I give her the receipt. Another customer approaches the counter after waiting a bit longer than she would have liked to. After her purchase, she hands me her credit card.)

Me: “Okay, that will be [amount]. Could I check your ID, please?”

Customer: “Why do you need my ID?! You didn’t ask the lady in front of me for her ID!”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but she used a debit card, so she used her PIN.”

(The customer pulled out her driver’s license and violently shoved it in my face. I gave her the receipt and let her leave, without saying anything. The customers behind her were kind and understanding, and were more than willing to show me their IDs.)

(A friend working in a makeup store sees a customer walk in.)

Employee: “Hi, can I help you?”

Customer: “Yes, I’d like to return this eyeliner pencil.”

Employee: “Okay, was there anything wrong with it?”

Customer: “Yes, when I tried to sharpen it, it wouldn’t sharpen.”

(The employee stands there dumbstruck; the pencil is not retractable and should sharpen just fine. The manager walks by with an eyeliner sharpener and sharpens it no problem.)

Manager: “It seems okay to me.”

Customer: “Well, it clogged my sharpener when I tried.”

Employee: “What kind of sharpener do you use?”

Customer: “You know, the electric ones you get from [Office Supply Store].”

(After five minutes of them explaining to the customer why what she was doing was stupid, she bought a $2 makeup pencil sharpener and left. The employee and her manager started laughing.)

(I’m an insurance agent. A young woman in her early 30s has asked to have an RV policy transferred from her husband’s name into her name, as she says her husband is ill and doesn’t currently drive due to his medical issues. She is already on the policy, so a transfer isn’t necessary, but she thinks it will be a lower premium. When the quote is complete, it does not lower her premium, and she agrees to keep the policy as currently written.)

Customer: “Thank you for the quote; I’m not going to make any changes at this time.”

Me: “Thank you for doing business with [Company]. Let us know if there is anything else we can help you with.”

Customer: “Oh, I will. You know, I’ve had to take over all of the finances since my husband has been in the hospital.”

Me: “I’m sorry the burden has been placed on you; I hope that he recovers quickly.”

Customer: “Oh, I don’t know. He’s really up there in years, and I just have to come to terms with the fact that he may not recover at all.”

Me: “He is quite seriously ill, then?”

Customer: “Not really, but at his advanced age, I have to be ready for the worst.”

Me: “…”

(The husband was only 60 years old!)

(I work in a store that carries all sorts of things, but not always what people are hoping for. Generally people check with us, and thank us for helping even if we don’t have what they are looking for.)

Customer: “Hi, do you have umbrellas?”

Me: “Umbrellas? No, I haven’t seen any since I started working here.”

Customer: “Okay. Well, we’re all going to look, anyway!”

Me: “Okay…”

(I work at a box office where we usually accept reservations over the phone. I frequently get scolded for how quickly I talk and have to apply extra effort to keep my voice at a normal human speed. Some customers are understanding and just tease me for it; others seem to think I’m doing it on purpose and get prickly. This is one such person.)

Me: “So, if you give us 48 hours advance notice prior to the show date, we can move your seats to a different night or give you a six-month credit.”

Customer: “I’m sorry; I’m not understanding you. Forty-eight hours, then what?”

Me: *repeats myself*

Customer: “I still can’t understand you. Forty-eight hours, then what?“

Me: *repeats myself more slowly*

Customer: “I can’t hear a word you’re saying. I caught, ‘48 hours,’ and, ‘different date,’ but that was it.”

Me: *repeats myself a third time, taking care to enunciate each word clearly*

Customer: “There we go! Now I can understand you. Okay, here’s my credit card number, and we’ll see if you can understand me when I talk that fast.”

(The customer then proceeds to rattle off his 16-digit credit card number at the speed of light and seems quite satisfied with himself. Our system is programmed to automatically detect if we haven’t entered correct numbers, or if we’ve put in the wrong amount, as per the credit card company’s algorithms. I am extremely chuffed when the system provides no such error message.)

Customer: “There! Did you get all that?”

Me: *cheerily* “Yep! And the expiry date?”

Customer: “You got all those numbers?”

Me: “Yep!”

Customer: “Oh. Um…” *gives the rest of his information*

Me: “Perfect! So, we charged [amount] onto your credit card and, as I said before, it’s non-refundable, but so long as you give us forty-eight hours advance notice prior to the show date, we can move you to a different night of the show or give you a six-month credit.”

Customer: “Okay, now, you want to read all those numbers back to me so I can make sure they’re right?”

Me: “Oh, it already processed and the system approved it, so it looks like all the information was correct!”

Customer: “Oh. So, you understood me even when I was talking that fast?”

Me: “Yep, I understood you just fine!”

Customer: “Oh.”

Me: “Will there be anything else, sir?”

Customer: “No, that’s okay. Thank you.” *click*

(I don’t mind when people ask me to speak more slowly when they have trouble hearing, but there’s no need to be rude. I’m not doing this on purpose; it’s just how I talk!)