(It’s my first year of working on the cash register. A very tall and muscular man is one of my customers. The purchase goes smoothly.)

Me: “That will be $8.25.”

(The customer puts down a few bills on the counter. I’ve seen other customers do this as a way of handing me money, so I reach over to take the bills. Immediately, my customer grabs my wrist and yanks hard enough to pull me onto the counter. He looks me square in the eyes and speaks to me in the calmest, most condescending tone.)

Customer: “Now, listen to me. I’m still getting the rest of my change out. You don’t get to take it until I give you everything. Do you understand?”

(I was too stunned to speak. He let me go and I lowered myself back behind the register, while he got a quarter and handed me the money without another word. Because of this assault, I refuse to pick up money if it’s still on the counter for me to reach over and take, not just because I’m scared of it happening again, but because I now have an aching arm injury that makes it hard to reach.)

(I am a hostess at a family restaurant that has quite a few regulars. I am relatively new, so not everyone has seen me all that often. Last weekend I wore glasses.)

Me: “Hello! Welcome to [Restaurant].”

Customer: “You look so much prettier without your glasses! You shouldn’t wear them!”

(I am stunned and not quite sure how to respond, so I walk her and her husband to their table and move on. Later, I pass by and the woman flags me down.)

Me: “Yes, ma’am?”

Customer: “It must suck, being that pretty, and that skinny, but too short to be a model!”

Me: *shocked and mumble* “Um, I guess so.”

(I avoided as much conversation as I could with that woman for the rest of my time there.)

(I’m the idiot in this story. I was sent to buy a number of gift cards from our local department store to give out to employees found to be doing good work on our project. My dad works for the same company and has sent me to purchase the gift cards with his corporate Visa.)

Cashier: “Hi, how can I help you today?”

Me: “Hi there. Can I please have ten gift cards with $100 each on them?”

Cashier: “Sure, no problem.” *fills the cards and scans them through* “That will be $1000.”

Me: “Visa, please.”

(I hand over my dad’s corporate card, and she processes the transaction. The gift cards have been paid for.)

Cashier: “Do you have another piece of ID on you? With a value this high, I need to verify the signature on the credit card.”

Me: “Oh, the signature won’t match. It’s my dad’s corporate card; he sent me to pick up these gift cards.”

Cashier: “Oh, okay, well, do you have some ID on you to verify identity?”

Me: *patting pockets, suddenly realising I left work without my wallet* “I’m so sorry. I seem to have left my wallet at work in my rush to get here.”

Cashier: *growing increasingly suspicious* “I see. I just need to call a manager.”

(I begin frantically trying to reach my dad to have him verify the use of the card — though it won’t do much good with me not having any ID — but he is unreachable. The cashier returns with her manager.)

Me: “I’m so sorry. I realise this probably looks pretty sketchy.”

Manager: “I’m going to have to hold the gift cards. I can’t let you leave with them knowing that this is not your credit card, and you have no way to prove that you have authority to use it.”

Me: “I understand. Let me try to get in touch with my manager who may be able to help or can perhaps find my dad.”

(Meanwhile, the bank associated with the credit card has phoned the department store and informed them that the card has been frozen due to unusual activity. My dad rarely uses his card, and it has coincidentally been used twice already that day so a third transaction seems suspicious to the bank. I get in touch with my manager on my cell phone.)

Me: “This is a mess; I can’t leave with the gift cards because I admitted it’s not my credit card that I paid with and I have no ID.”

My Manager: “Can you see the gift cards?”

Me: “Yes. Why?”

My Manager: “Are you near a door?”

Me: “Yes. Where are you going with this?”

My Manager: “GRAB THEM AND RUN!”

Me: “WHAT?!”

My Manager: “I’m kidding. I’ll try to find your Dad.”

(The department store manager has asked me to speak with the representative from the bank that’s frozen the card.)

Bank Rep: “So, I’m just going to explain this how it sounds to me, and you tell me what you think. You’ve shown up at this store to buy $1000 worth of gift cards, with someone else’s credit card. You have no proof that you are authorised to use this card. You have no ID, so even if you did have some kind of permission slip to use the card, the store can’t verify that it’s you who has permission. You’ve said it’s your dad’s card, but you can’t reach him… and there have already been three transactions on this card today which flag it as suspicious, regardless if you were legitimately allowed to use the card.”

Me: “Yeah. I see how that looks.”

(My dad finally called me back and spoke with the bank, as well as the department store. They agreed to hold the gift cards for him to come pick up later. I made sure I was with him when he came in, with my ID, to show the store manager. She was a good sport, and completely fair in how she treated the situation; it did look like I was trying to steal!)

(It’s a very busy evening in our small hotel restaurant in a rather rural area. An older woman, who appears slightly confused, walks in and comes up to me.)

Me: “Good evening. How may I help you?”

Customer: “Well, I was visiting friends in [Town about 25km away], you see, and I was on my way home when I must have lost my way. I don’t know where I am. I must have taken a wrong turn, and now I don’t know how to get back. Could you help me get home?”

Me: *already dreading that this will take a while* “Okay, so, now you are in [Town]. Where did you want to go to?”

Customer: “I live in [Place I have never heard of] and I know how to get there from [Town her friends live in], but now that I am here, I don’t know where to go. Can you help me?”

(I am thinking, “Well, you clearly don’t know how to get home from there, because otherwise, you wouldn’t be here right now, would you?”)

Me: “I could give you directions to get back where you came from; it’s quite easy to get there, and you will find your way back. Unfortunately, I am unfamiliar with your actual destination, so I can’t tell you how to get there.”

Customer: “Yes, please. Once I am back there, I know how to get home to [Place I have never heard of].”

(I give her the super simple directions; basically, go down the road that the restaurant is on in that direction, and then at the first junction go right, then take the first road on your left which already has signs for the place you want to return to, so just follow them. It’s really not that hard!. She still seems unsure, so I repeat the directions, adding more info like, “You pass by the train station that’s on the right,” and, “On the left and right, there will be loads of trees; just drive straight on through the forest,” thinking that maybe landmarks and such might be helpful for her. She still seems unsure, repeating her, “I know how to get home from [Town her friends live in],” spiel again. After I try rephrasing these very, very simple directions once more:)

Customer: “I am not sure. I am afraid I will get lost again. You know the way, so could you come with me in the car back to [Town her friends live in], and from there, I will be able to get home.”

Me: *dumbfounded* “No, I can’t just leave. I work here, we are pretty busy tonight, and I am in the middle of a shift.”

Customer: “Are you sure? You just have to come with me to [Town where her friends live]; from there on, I’ll manage to get home!”

Me: “Absolutely. I can’t leave. I can’t do more than give you directions, or I can let you use our phone to call a friend who can come here and drive in front of you, leading you back to the place you came from. Or, I can book you into one of our rooms so you can stay the night and drive back in daylight. That’s all I can offer you.”

Customer: “Oh. Well, then, I’ll try to find my way back. Hopefully I don’t get lost. It would have been great if you were able to ride with me. Thanks, anyway.”

(She walked out, leaving me still puzzled that she thought someone wearing an apron and a holster with a large purse around her hips, coming out of the kitchen, holding an empty tray, would have time to just leave a crowded restaurant because surely, I looked like someone with just too much free time on her hands! And anyway, which young woman doesn’t just jump at the opportunity to leave a well-lit place filled with people to get into the car of a total stranger and drive through a rather rural area at night? Surely, that has never been the beginning of something dreadful that ends with a horrible newspaper headline!)

(I am at the tills and a customer approaches me with an item she wants to bring back. She also has a basket full of shopping.)

Me: “Okay, I have returned your item, so that’ll be £16.99 going back to you. Would you like me to put your shopping through the same transaction?”

Customer: “Yes, please!”

(I scan her shopping through.)

Customer: “And is that at zero now?”

Me: “No, there’s still £5.96 going back to you.”

Customer: “Okay. Let me go and find something else.”

(She leaves the till — bear in mind there is a queue building — and rushes to grab something from an aisle. A minute or so later she returns with a few items. I scan them through.)

Me: “That’s still £2.56 going back to you.”

Customer: “Really? I’ll find something else I might need.”

(Again she rushes off. She takes a little longer this time, and comes back with things from the very back of the shop.)

Customer: “Okay. What is it now?”

Me: “It’s 10p going back to you.”

Customer: “Ugh. What is there around here for 10p?”

Me: *with a deadpan expression* “Two carrier bags?”

(She actually bought the carrier bags so she didn’t have any money to go back to her. I have absolutely no idea why it was so important for the balance to level out at £0.00. Luckily I had patient customers who were as baffled and amused as I was!)