Thank God They Took Away His Whip

| | Right | July 9, 2008

(This happened the day before Canadian Thanksgiving…)

Me: “Did you find everything you were looking for today?”

Customer: “I’ve been waiting fifteen minutes in line!”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, it’s a busy day today with the last minute shopping!”

Customer: “Well, you should have all the lanes open! Why isn’t that lane open?”

Me: “I assume she’s on her break at the moment…”

Customer: “You shouldn’t GET breaks when it’s busy!”

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If At First You Don’t Succeed, Ask, Ask Again

| | Right | July 9, 2008

(I’d just finished helping a customer pick out everything she needs to start oil painting.)

Customer: “Do you sell drop cloths?”

Me: “I’m sorry, no. We don’t even sell anything like that.”

Customer: “Well, what about tarps?”

Me: “Sorry, we don’t sell those, either.”

Customer: “Do you have any plastic sheeting I could lay on my floor, in case my oil paint drips?”

Me: “No, ma’am.”

Customer: “What about vinyl sheeting?”

Me: “With all due respect, I answered your question the first time you asked it. It doesn’t matter how many times you reword your question, we simply don’t have what you’re looking for.”

Customer: “Well, do you have anything similar?”

Me: “…”

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Because 8 Bajillion Signs Are Always The Answer

| | Right | July 9, 2008

(A lady calls our travel office regarding a certain theme park in central Florida.)

Caller: “Do you allow sex offenders into your theme parks?”

Me: “Well, as hundreds of thousands of people enter our parks each day, we’re not able to ID each person and check their criminal history.”

Caller: “So you encourage sex offenders to come to a place filled with little children?”

Me: “No…”

Caller: “Do you have signs saying ‘No Sex Offenders’?”

Me: “Um, no. But as part of a sex offender’s parole or probation, they’re not allowed within a certain number of feet of children, so that would be law enforcement’s responsibility.”

Caller: “I’m appalled that you encourage sex offenders to come to your park. I’m going elsewhere!”

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Coffee Shop Customer Found Poked To Death

| | Right | July 9, 2008

Customer: “Is the lemon pound cake fresh? Like, is it soft?”

Me: “All of our pastries are fresh, sir. Would you like a sample, to see if you like it?”

Customer: “Just let me feel it.”

(I put the slice of cake on a plate and watch resignedly as he pokes the cake full of holes.)

Customer: “Yeah, I guess that’s soft enough.”

Me: “Alright…” ¬†

(I pick up the slice of cake with tongs and move to put it in a pastry bag.)

Customer: “Not THAT one!¬†It’s got holes all in it!”

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How About A Coupon For A Free Psych Evaluation

| | Right | July 9, 2008

Me: “Ma’am, with this order, you received a free coupon for Cover Girl Cosmetics.”

Customer: “What, do you think I need it?”

Me: “Uh…”

Customer: “That’s very rude, telling someone they need makeup!”

Me: “Ma’am, I’m not suggesting you need makeup.¬†I’m just offering it to you because the computer printed it out.”

Customer: “Oh, what, now the computer thinks I need makeup?”

Me: “No, ma’am… it prints out coupons for random items.”

Customer: “Well, I don’t need it any coupons from you, so there!” *storms off*

Me: *rubbing my temples* “Have a good day, ma’am.”

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