July, November, It’s All The Same

, , | | Right | November 27, 2007

Customer: “Where is your jewelry?”

Me: *standing behind three counters full of jewelry* “Right here, ma’am.”

Customer: “No, the jewelry on sale!”

Me: “I’m sorry, but we aren’t having a sale on jewelry this month.”

Customer: “But I was here in July and it was on sale.”

Me: “Yes, ma’am, and now it’s November and it’s not on sale.”

Customer: “Well can’t you give me the sale prices, anyway?”

Me: “Ummm, no.”

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This One Needs The “Three Hour Tour”

, , | | Right | November 26, 2007

Customer: “How long is the one hour tour?”

Me: “60 Minutes.”

Customer: “Where does the harbour tour go?”

Me: “Around the harbour.”

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Not Just Any Warm Crunchy Bread, Mind You

| | Right | November 26, 2007

Me: “So, what can I get you?”

Hobo: “I’m pretty hungry so I guess I’ll have…” *stares at menu*

Me, 3 minutes later: “I’ll come ba-”

Hobo: “I want some toast!”

Me: “Okay, toast is all, I’ll be right back.”

Hobo: “Yeah, that’s what I want…french toast.”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Hobo: “I want some french toast. How much does that cost?”

Me: “Sorry, sir, we don’t have french toast.”

Hobo: “Then what do you have?”

Me: “Um…toast?”

Hobo: “Toast? What’s that?”

*long pause*

Me: “Warm crunchy bread, sir.”

Hobo: “Yeah, bring me some white, warm crunchy bread!”

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The Problem With Analogies

, , | | Right | November 26, 2007

(A customer wanders down the paint aisle where I’m working and asks for advice on which paint to use. I tell him, and he asks for the differences between brands)

Me: “[Brand #1] is just a bit thicker than [Brand #2]. But other than that, they’re pretty much the same.”

Customer: “What do you mean, ‘thicker’?”

Me: “The paint has a thicker consistency.”

Customer: “I don’t understand.”

Me: “Do you know what cake batter looks like? And water?”

Customer: “Yes.”

Me: “Cake batter is thicker than water, like [Brand #1] is thicker than [Brand #2].”

Customer: “[Brand #1] is cake batter?”

(It went on like this for a while. I end up leaving him there to contemplate)

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Maybe If You Click Your Heels Three Times

, , | | Right | November 25, 2007

Me: *answering phone* “Welcome to the award winning [Hotel]. How may I help you?”

Caller: “I would like a room.”

Me: “And when would you be arriving, sir?”

Caller: “Huh?”

Me: “When do you want the room?”

Caller: “Oh! Tonight…”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but we are completely booked tonight. Would you like me to provide the number of a nearby establishment?”

Caller: “You have no rooms? Can’t you just give me one of the emergency rooms?”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, we don’t have any rooms like that. We sell our rooms until we are out. We don’t keep any rooms for ’emergencies.'”

Caller: “Oh. You have suites, too, don’t you?”

Me: “Yes, we do, but we are completely booked, so there are no rooms available, every kind.”

Caller: “No rooms?”

Me: “No rooms.”

Caller: “No suites?”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir. We have no rooms of any kind, suite or otherwise. Now, unless you want to book a room for another night, I am going to have to hang up.”

Caller: “No rooms?”

(*click*)

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