Khakis: The Uniform Of America

, , , | Right | July 3, 2020

I work as a manager in a grocery store, where members of management wear polo shirts. We have three different colors to choose from: red, royal blue, and navy. On this occasion, I was wearing my red shirt. 

We had been having some issues with our phones, so I walked to the [Office Supply Chain] in the same plaza as my store with the phone that was broken and quickly grabbed a replacement.

As I was heading back to the registers to make my exchange, I was stopped by a customer asking for the location of flash drives. I must have looked baffled, because he repeated his question, at which point I glanced down at my shirt where my store name and job title were embroidered.

I looked back at the customer, looked back at my shirt, and then back at the customer once more, hoping he would clue in. It wasn’t until he asked a third time that I finally explained that I worked in the grocery store, and his wife and son started cracking up.

Beware of khakis and polos; in certain combinations, you become a customer magnet.

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We Didn’t Know The Library Had A Back Room

, , , , | Right | July 3, 2020

I work in a library. One of our regular patrons, an older woman who comes in frequently to check out movies, comes in with a man I’ve never seen before. They select several DVDs and bring them to the desk to check out.

Me: “Oh, you’ve got four new releases here; the limit on those is three at a time. You’ll need to pick one to put back.”

Woman: “Oops!” *To the man* “Okay, which of these do you want to see more?”

Man: “I don’t want to see any of ’em!”

Woman: “Well, what kind of movies do you like, anyway?”

Man: “Sex movies!” *To me* “What kind of sex movies you got around here?”

Me: *Speechless*

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O, Canaduh, Part 11

, , , , , | Right | July 3, 2020

I work at a car rental agency, and I am going about my regular workday. We have a short script-like thing we have to go through, including asking if the customer is taking the vehicle across the border into Canada. Some days are harder than others.

Me: “Are you taking the vehicle up to Canada at all?” 

Customer: “No, no, no Canada. Just Vancouver for a day.” 

Me: “Vancouver, Canada?” 

Customer: “Yes, just for a day.” 

Me: “Okay, so you are taking the vehicle to Canada.” 

Customer: *Blank stare*

Me: “Right, I’m going to get you the paperwork you need for Canada.” 

Related:
O, Canaduh, Part 10
O, Canaduh, Part 9
O, Canaduh, Part 8
O, Canaduh, Part 7
O, Canaduh, Part 6

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In Soviet Russia, Product Buys You!

, , , , | Right | July 3, 2020

I am an assistant manager at a large national drugstore chain. One afternoon, I’m called to the register to help a customer. The clerk flashes me one of those “kill me now” looks as I approach.

Me: “Hi! How can I help you today?”

Customer: “I’m looking for Wintergreen Altoids gum, but your clerk said you don’t have any. Can you order some for me?”

Me: “Hmm, let me take a look.”

I don’t recall ever seeing that flavor, but I go digging around in our inventory database anyway. Sure enough, there’s no record of it.

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but it doesn’t look like we carry that flavor.”

Customer: “I know I’ve bought it here before!”

Me: “Huh. It doesn’t look like something that’s been discontinued. I’m just not seeing it here at all.”

Customer: *Indignant* “Can’t you just call them and get some?”

Me: “Well, no, unfortunately. Since all of our purchasing goes through a central facility, we don’t deal with the manufacturers directly. If our distribution center doesn’t carry a product, I have no way to order it.”

Customer: “Well!” *Huffs* “I didn’t realize I was living in Soviet Russia!”

Without another word, the customer turned on her heel and stomped out the front door. My clerk and I were speechless.

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They Want Virtual Reality But They Don’t Live In Actual Reality

, , , | Right | July 3, 2020

I work at a museum. We recently installed a virtual reality exhibit guests can pay extra to try. Two guests walk in.

Me: “Hello! Let me know if you guys have questions or want to buy tickets.”

They do not acknowledge me and keep walking toward the arcade setup.

Coworker: “Hello! Let me know if you guys have questions.”

They do not acknowledge him, either, walk straight into an arcade bay, and start fiddling with the equipment. 

Coworker: “Hey, did you all want to buy tickets?”

Guest: “You have to buy tickets? I wish we’d known that!”

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