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The customer is NOT always right!

They Need To Look Up “Professional” In A Dictionary

, , , | Right | January 15, 2022

Me: “Hey, I’m glad I caught you. I’m calling about that request that I made five weeks ago. You never responded to any of my emails or voice messages. I’m just wondering what the status on that is?”

Client: “Well, the reason I didn’t respond was because your first email about it was unprofessional. We’re all professionals here, and I expect to be treated professionally. You really need to work on your communication skills, and I expect better from you if we’re going to continue working together.”

Me: “I’m looking at the whole email chain right now, and it seems fine to me. What seems wrong with it?”

Client: “Well, for starters, you could ask how my day’s been. Or you could put a joke at the bottom of the email. And you should really get rid of that line with all your company information at the bottom, it looks so unprofessional.”

Leave The Preaching To The Street

, , | Right | January 14, 2022

I had a customer that would street preach in front of the store. When he was tired or wanted a snack, he would come in and then trap workers at the counter. Since we couldn’t leave if a customer was there, we had to listen. I finally told him one night:

Me: “You forcing me to listen is about the same as going hunting at the zoo. I’m easy prey because I can’t go anywhere or fight back.”

He actually backed off for a little while.

You’ve Heard Of A Soft Open, But Have You Heard Of…

, , , , | Right | January 14, 2022

I work in an old-time five-and-ten-cent store. I have left for the day and am walking to my car.

Customer: “Are you still open?”

Me: “No, ma’am, we have closed.”

Customer: “Is it a soft close or hard close?”

Me: “I’m sorry but we’re closed!”

Customer: “Yes, but is it a hard close or soft close?”

Me: *Thinking* “CLOSED is CLOSED!”

Me: “Sorry, ma’am, the manager is grabbing her stuff to leave for the night!”

I’d never heard of a soft close before.

“Cancel Culture” Is Getting Out Of Control

, , , | Right | CREDIT: sonder-and-hiraeth | January 14, 2022

This is my first real call center job that I like, and I just got my first weekly customer survey responses: fifteen good, three bad.

One person was unhappy that we don’t have more discounts. One person was mad we wouldn’t call [Major Shipping Company] to tell them to be better at delivering.

My favorite, though? I had a call with this customer.

Customer: “I want to cancel my account and my husband’s account, as well.”

I’m new and a phone-shy person, and we don’t have a retention line.

Me: “Why do you want to cancel?”

She gave a plethora of reasons, so I was like, “Mkay!”

I mean, doesn’t everyone always complain when you want to cancel and they make you work for it? They guilt you and cajole you and offer you their firstborn to get you to stay, but you just don’t want to deal with them anymore and it’s a headache.

I figured I was doing this lady a favor by making it painless and just canceling the accounts for her.

But no. I got a bad review. No comments. No suggestions. Just a call recording and the “BAD — I AM UNSATISFIED WITH THIS REPRESENTATIVE” button clicked.

I’m not a mind reader, you know.

When Your Ignorance Is The Toast Of The Town

, , , , , | Right | January 14, 2022

I am stocking shampoos when a girl in her late teens or early twenties approaches.

Customer: “Can you tell me where the toast is?”

Me: “The… toast?”

Customer: “Yes. I need to buy some toast.”

Me: “We don’t sell already made toast. Would you like me to point you to the bread aisle?”

Customer: “Is that what toast is made from?”

Me: “Yes, it is.”

Customer: “I’ll take the bread, then!”

I point out the bread aisle and she’s happily on her way. An older man who has been standing nearby comes up to me after this exchange.

Customer: “I can’t believe you got through that without laughing! Do you think she was drunk, high, or pranking you?”

Me: “I don’t know, but at least she’s happy!”