Danny Day Care

, , , , , | Right | September 13, 2019

(It’s a blisteringly hot day, so I decide to go for an iced coffee. As I walk up, there are two customers in front of me.)

Barista: “Can I get a name for that?”

Customer #1: *mumbles*

Barista: “Danny?”

Customer #1: “Andy.”

Barista: “Sorry, I’ve been giving everyone new names today. Now someone’s got to be Danny!”

Customer #1: *chuckles, pays, leaves*

Customer #2: *steps up to order*

Barista: “Would you like to be Danny?”

Customer #2: *laughs and gives their order and name*

Barista: “Someone called Danny’s going to come along later, and I’ll be like, ‘Yes! Danny! I’ve been waiting for you all day!’ and they’ll be so confused.”

(By now, we’ve all forgotten about the heat and the crowded shopping centre, thanks to our wonderfully cheerful, playful barista!)

Me: *steps up to order*

Barista: “Hello, Danny! What can I get you?”

(I had to take a moment to stop laughing before ordering. Thank you, amazing barista, for giving us all something to smile about on a long, hot day!)

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Streaming Into The Future

, , , , | Right | September 13, 2019

(I am picking up a few items at the grocery store on the day of the final game of a championship series featuring a local sports team. The checker is trying to make small talk while ringing me up.)

Checker: “You watching the game tonight?”

Me: “Nope.”

(Surprised, the checker goes down the line asking whether other people are planning on watching it.)

Customer #1: “Nope.”

Customer #2: *shakes head*

Customer #1: “I don’t even have cable, so I can’t!”

Checker: *shocked* “What?!”

Customer #1: “I made her squeak. I think I win!”

Me: “Yeah, I cut the cord about four years ago, myself.”

Checker: “How do you even live like that?”

Customer #1 & Me: *simultaneously* “Amazon!”

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Check Yourself Before You Wreck Your Transaction

, , , , | Right | September 13, 2019

(The grocery store I frequent has never accepted checks as valid payment. I’m in line when this happens.)

Customer: *hands the cashier a check*

Cashier: “Sorry, sir, but the store doesn’t accept checks. Do you have another form of payment?”

Customer: “WHAT?! I’ve been a loyal customer for ten years! I’ve always paid with a check, you lazy teenage b****! You just don’t want to go through the trouble of processing it! F****** [Asian slur].”

Cashier: “Okay, politeness is out. This store has never accepted checks. If you don’t have another form of payment and stop swearing, I have to ask you to leave. Also, I’m in my late 20s.”

Customer: *swears under his breath and leaves*

Cashier: Well, I guess these go into the return bin.”

Me: “You handled that well.”

Cashier: “I’m the oldest of five; it takes more than a temper tantrum to annoy me.”

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Sick Of Customers Just Picking Fights

, , , , | Right | September 12, 2019

(I am walking through a science center with my family when a worker suddenly stops me.)

Worker: “Excuse me. Would you mind walking around?”

(I look down and there is a puddle of puke he is guarding until someone can come to clean it up. I think nothing of it, but a man and a woman feel like giving this guy the business for no reason.)

Man: “This is a health hazard; why aren’t you doing anything?!”

Worker: “I am, sir. I am keeping people away until it can be cleaned up.”

Man: “But what else are you doing?! NOTHING!”

(Another patron walks over with a chair to cover the area.)


(The poor worker just stands there and takes it. I’ve had enough.)

Me: “Hey, man, I appreciate you for saving me from that puke. You’re doing a great job and anyone who has ever served the public would be able to appreciate that.”

(The other man and his wife glared at me. I happily glared back as the worker mouthed a simple “thank you” to me. It’s not hard to just be silent, people!)

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The Shoe Does Not Fit

, , , , | Right | September 12, 2019

(I’m shopping in a big shoe store with my mom. While wandering the back rows, a woman grabs me and this conversation ensues.)

Woman: “Excuse me. Can you help me with these shoes?” *points to a display of shoes on an end row*

Me: “Oh, I’m sorry; I don’t work here.”

Woman: *snottily, rolling her eyes* “I know you don’t work here. I just have a question about these shoes.”

Me: “Oh, okay.”

Woman: “Do you know what the price is?”

Me: “No… because I don’t work here.”

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