Please Tell Me This Is A Knock-Knock Joke

, , , , , | | Right | July 15, 2019

(The company I work for was recently contracted to provide security for an apartment building in a low-income area. The managing company has had a real problem with trespassers and illicit activities. Visitors must come to the desk and tell the guard on duty who they wish to visit. The guard then calls the tenant for permission to let the guest past the lobby. No answer? No entry.)

Me: *after getting the visitor’s name* “Who are you here to see?”

Visitor: “[Tenant].”

(I look up the tenant’s phone number and call. The phone rings. And rings. And rings.)

Me: “[Tenant] isn’t available.”

Visitor: “Can I go up and knock?”

These Are Dark Times…

, , , , | | Right | July 15, 2019

(I’m at a milkshake bar with a friend. The server finishes making an order before mine and shouts for it to be collected.)

Server: “A white chocolate and a dark chocolate milkshake!”

(A customer approaches the counter and stares at the two milkshakes, one very white and one very brown.)

Customer: “So, which one is the dark chocolate again?

Server: *stares* “You know what? I don’t remember.” *turns away*

Unable To Think Outside The Box

, , , , | | Right | July 15, 2019

(I work at a fast food restaurant where a new “box deal” has just been introduced with many items in one deal. I am handing out this order to a customer that ordered it. I put in on a tray as he’s eating in.)

Customer: “I thought it was a ‘[Deal] box.’ Shouldn’t it be in a box?”

Me: “It’s on the tray because you’re eating here, sir.”

Customer: “But it’s a box deal. I thought it would taste much better in the box…”

Me: “It’s all right. I’ll get the bo—”

Customer’s Girlfriend: *to me* “It’s all right, ignore him. He can be a real idiot sometimes.”

Me: “…”

Trying To Plant A Seed Of Doubt

, , , | | Right | July 15, 2019

Customer: “No! You’re not ripping me off! The sign said that this hydrangea was $19.99, not $25.99! What kind of scam are you trying to pull?”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but the computer said—“

Customer: “I don’t care! Fix it now! This always happens to me!”

Me: “Can you show me where the sign is?”

(I angrily follow him to the pots of hydrangeas. There is a sign stuck in the pot for $19.99.)

Me: “Well, sir, this is for a two-gallon plant, and the one you bought is three-and-a-half gallons.”

Customer: “And you expect your customers to know the difference?”

Me: “No, sir, but I do expect them to know the difference between a hydrangea and a gardenia.”

Customer: “Can I have it marked down anyway?”

Me: “No, sir.”

This Conversation Comes At A Price

, , , | | Right | July 15, 2019

(We have a policy where we price match and then give ten percent off. A customer comes up to the register and shoves a smartphone with an ad under my face.)

Customer: “You have this for $400, and this website has it for $299. I want the difference and ten percent.”

Me: “Okay, I’ll have to verify that.”

(I check the ad, which is on a rather questionable-looking website, and note that while it does say the item costs $299, the link to actually buy it links back to my store’s website where the price is $400.)

Me: “Well, sir, I know it says that, but if you click to buy it, it takes you to my store’s site where it’s $400.”

Customer: “But you have a price match guarantee!”

Me: “Yes, but I can’t price match myself.”

Customer: “That’s stupid! Why can’t you match it?”

Me: “Because they’re not actually selling it for that price.”

Customer: “Well, they say they are! It shouldn’t matter!”

Me: “Well, actually, it does. Anyone could post a picture and a price for something online and claim it costs that much.”

Customer: “And why would someone do that? God, you’re so stupid! I can’t believe [Store] hires idiots like you! I’m going to [Competitor].”

Me: “Okay. I’ll let them know you’re coming.”

Page 4/5,028First...23456...Last