Beware The Nines Of Merch

| | Right | July 20, 2009

(I’m at the service desk when an elderly man comes up.)

Me: “Can I help you find anything, sir?”

Customer: “No, but you can answer me a question.”

Me: “Yes?”

Customer: “Do you have anything for sale that doesn’t end in .99?”

Me: “Well, we’ve got some 79’s and 49’s, but prices are usually always going to end–”

Customer: “Are you kidding me?! I know what you’re trying to do with those nines! I know that you’re just trying to convince me it’s cheaper! Do you think I’m stupid or something?!”

Me: “…”

Customer: “TAKE THE NINES SERIOUSLY!” *storms out*

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It’s Not An Otto Biography

| | Right | July 20, 2009

Me: “What can I help you find today?”

Customer: “Do you guys have The Diary of Anne Frank?”

Me: “Yeah, it’s right over here in Biographies under ‘F’. Let me grab it for you.”

Customer: “Oh, good! I’ve always wondered who wrote that!”

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Ired By Shire Attire

, | | Right | July 20, 2009

Customer: “Excuse me, can you help me choose which suit I should get?”

Me: “Certainly. This model here was worn by actor Sean Astin.”

Customer: “Who is that?”

Me: “He played in The Lord of the Rings. He was one of the hobbits.”

Customer: “You sell to hobbits!?”

Me: “Well, he’s not re–”

Customer: “You shouldn’t sell to hobbits!”

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Infinitely Loopy But Happy As A Clam

| | Right | July 20, 2009

Me: “[Convenience store], how can I help you? ”

Caller: “Just wondering…what’s the soup special today?”

Me: “Clam chowder, sir. ”

Caller: “Are there any other soups or stews on?”

Me: “Not today, sir.”

Caller: “But do you have any soup or stew on special besides clam chowder today?”

Me: “Nope, just clam chowder. That’s our only soup special today.”

Caller: “But what about any other hot liquid foods? Any of those besides clam chowder?”

Me: “No, sir, just the chowder.”

Caller: “What’s your name?”

Me: “Lily, sir.”

Caller: “Lily, that’s a nice name. I’m Tim. I’m wondering if you have any soups on special today besides clam chowder?”

Me: “No, Tim, just the chowder.”

Caller: “Okay, thank you!” *hangs up*

(Not surprisingly, the phone rings again about a minute later.)

Me: “[Convenience store], how can I help you?”

Caller: “May I speak to Lily, please?”

Me: “This is Lily.”

Caller: “Hi Lily, it’s Tim. Do you have any soups besides clam chowder on special today?”

Me: “…”


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There’s No Pills Like Home

| | Right | July 17, 2009

(A patient called in to inquire about her medication she had just picked up.)

Me: *on the phone* “Pharmacy.”

Patient: “Hi, I just picked up this medication, and I think I may have a problem.”

Me: “Is there something incorrect with how it was filled?”

Patient: “No, it’s just that the cream here says to apply locally, and I’m going out of town tonight. I was wondering if I could still use it.”

Me: “Um…yes, yes you can.”

Patient: “Oh, OK good…. Oh…oh God. I just realized…oh my God, just forget I asked! How stupid of me!”

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