(Our store is a home decor boutique in an extremely wealthy neighborhood, and tends to be very pricey. I definitely can’t afford any of the things we sell, even with my discount. But even some of the wealthier clients complain sometimes about the cost. A customer comes in wearing a fur coat that looks real, and carrying a Prada bag. She’s been taking photos with her latest-gen iPhone.)

Me: “Anything you have questions on? Are you looking for a gift, or to decorate a space?”

Customer: “No, thanks. I’m hosting a big dinner later so I’m just taking some pictures.”

Me: “Okay, well, let me know. I’m a deft hand at centerpieces and vignettes.”

Customer: “Oh, don’t bother. I’m just going to find them on Amazon later.”

(I get the impulse to save, but how rude can you be?)

(I work at a grocery store as a bagger. Despite being only a minor, I am well-respected and generally looked at as a go-to bagger. My current cashier is my favorite manager, and we don’t have anybody in line, so we are talking about games when all of a sudden an uptight-looking woman comes into line.)

Me: “Paper or plastic, ma’am?”

Customer: “Both, inside each other.”

(I perceive this to mean plastic inside of paper, which supposedly helps keep produce fresh, so I start bagging.)

Customer: *screaming* “What are you doing?! Do you know how to bag, you dumb kid?”

Me: “Uh, ma’am, what is the problem?”

Customer: “You can’t even follow simple instructions! I demand to speak to your manager and I want a refund on these poorly-bagged vegetables.”

Me: “My manager is working at this very cashier right now; we’re understaffed at the moment.”

Manager: “Ma’am, I assure you that [My Name] is very competent. Now, what seems to be the problem?”

Customer: “How do you condone this? I asked him to put the bags inside the other ones, and he did it opposite.”

Manager: “I see no problem with thi—“

Customer: “NO PROBLEM? Why, he’s putting the plastic bags in the paper!”

Manager: “Well, that’s what you said, isn’t it?”

Customer: “No, I MEANT PAPER INSIDE OF PLASTIC LIKE A NORMAL PERSON!”

Manager: “Ma’am, in my entire seven years of working here, that is the first time I’ve heard that request.”

Customer: *storming off, with half of her order un-rung* “I’M CALLING CORPORATE!”

(I left a month later, but I still shop at that store. To this day, they joke about it. And, as for corporate? My manager works there now.)

(We’re in a food court of a gas station. I answer a phone call.)

Me: “Good afternoon. [Company], [My Name] speaking.”

Caller: “Oh, hi, are you near [Chain]?”

Me: *thinking she’s asking for directions* “Yes, we’re in the food court at the back, so if you drive—“

Caller: “I was there for lunch about half an hour ago, and I left my wallet and phone on the table right in front of [Chain]. Can you see if it’s still there?”

(There are about nine tables that could be “right in front of [Chain],” and all of them are occupied.)

Me: “All the tables have other people sitting at them.”

Caller: “But can you see a pink wallet and phone sitting on the table?”

Me: “The people at those tables have phones, but I don’t—“

Caller: “Is it a black [Brand] with a green case with a pink wallet?”

Me: “I’m sorry; I can’t see brands, and all the tables are occupied right now.”

Caller: “It’s the table right in front! Is my wallet and phone there?”

Me: “I can’t see anything except people holding phones, rubbish, and food.”

Caller: “What’s the number for [Chain]? I’ve tried calling [number], but they’re not answering.”

Me: “They’re very busy right now. I don’t have their number.”

Caller: “What’s the number for [Service Station]? They’re not answering, either. You’re the only one who did answer.”

Me: *people are lining up at my store and I’m the only one serving* “The whole centre is very busy at the moment.”

Caller: *sigh* “Can you see my phone and wallet right in front of [Chain]?”

Me: “No, I cannot see your phone and wallet, but I can ask the other stores if they have had anything handed in. I’ll call you back; what’s a number I can call you on?”

Caller: “Didn’t you hear me? I left my phone there!”

Me: *wondering how she’s calling* “I have a queue forming here; it’s easier if I call you back.”

Caller: “I’ll wait.”

(I serve five customers before asking the other retailers and the cleaning crew if anything has been handed in. No luck.)

Me: “I’m sorry, I’ve asked everyone and nothing has been handed in. I can take your number—“

Caller: “CAN YOU SEE MY PHONE AND WALLET?!”

Me: “I’m sorry, but I can’t see your phone or wallet. I suggest calling [Chain] and leaving your contact number in case it shows up. Have a lovely afternoon.” *hangs up*

(I work in a library. A community service student from a local high school is shelving in the junior fiction section, when I overhear this encounter.)

Customer: “Excuse me. That catalogue over there says that The Folk of the Faraway Tree is on loan; see, my daughter really wants that book.”

Student: “I can get one of the librarians for you; I’m sure you can reserve it or something.”

Customer: “No, I need it today. This is a library, isn’t it? What kind of library doesn’t have an Enid Blyton book?”

Me: “Hey. Anything I can help with?”

Customer: “I just don’t understand how a library doesn’t have that book.”

Me: “Well, we do have it; it’s just currently on loan. I can organise a reservation for you; you will be the next to get it.”

Customer: “It’s a very popular book. I don’t understand why it’s not on the shelf.”

Me: “Probably because it’s a very popular book.”

Customer: “No, it should be on the shelf.”

Me: “The best I can offer you today is a reservation.”

Customer: *big sigh* “I guess I have to buy it, then. I’m really disappointed, though, that such a popular book is on loan. A classic like that shouldn’t be; it should be available. It’s a classic, a popular classic. There’s no reason for someone else to have it out.” *leaves*

Student: “That made no sense at all.”

Me: “Don’t think about it for too long; it will give you a headache.”

Student: “I’m going to find a career path where I don’t have to deal with the general public.”

(I’m the dumb customer in this one. I pretty much never get gas at the same place every time. I also never pay at the pump; when I prepay with my card, some gas stations will automatically refund the amount to the card while others make me come in and get cash, so I always make it a point to ask before I pump. It has already been a long day, and I am getting gas before I have to go to class.)

Me: *sets energy drink on the counter* “I need $25 in pump [number].”

Cashier: “That’ll be $30.”

Me: *hands her cash*

Cashier: *hands me change*

Me: “If it all doesn’t fit in the tank, do I have to come back in, or will you automatically put it back on my card?”

Cashier: “Well, you paid in cash, so…”

Me: *facepalm*