Mmm, Pasty Nerds

, | | Right | June 3, 2008

(A woman in her forties walks in…)

Customer: “I’d like $5 worth of games for a Nintendo DS and the system itself. This should cover it all.”

(The customer puts $20 on the counter.)

Me: “I’m sorry. We don’t have any DS games for five bucks, and if you want a DS, you’re about sixty-five dollars short… $115 if you want a new one.”

Customer: “…”

Me: “Is there anything else I can help you with?”

Customer: “Toys’R’Us has them for $15. You should price match.”

Me: “Ma’am, we do not price match here, and even if we did, I’m only a seasonal employee and wouldn’t likely be allowed to.”

Customer: *screaming* “Let me speak to your manager!”

Me: “Alright…”

(I go to get manager from the back room. She explains the situation. BTW, I’m a woman myself.)

Customer: “THIS IS DISCRIMINATION! YOU AREN’T GIVING ME FAIR TREATMENT BECAUSE I’M NOT A FAT, PASTY NERD THAT KNOWS THINGS LIKE YOU TWO! AND BECAUSE I’M A WOMAN!”

Manager: “I’d like you to leave the store, please.”

Customer: “FINE! NERDS!”

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Hopefully, He Doesn’t Look As Stupid As He Sounds

| | Right | June 2, 2008

Me: “Hi, how can I help you sir?”

Customer: “Do you guys sell pallets?”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but we don’t.”

Customer: “… but there’s a whole bunch behind your store just sitting there.”

Me: “Yes, but we reuse those. We don’t sell them.”

Customer: “Well, is it illegal if I steal one of them?”

Me: “Repeat what you just said to yourself.”

Customer: *thinks for a second* “Oh.”

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Cool Bosses Make All The Difference

, | | Right | June 2, 2008

Deli Customer: “I’d like the Italian, please.”

Me: “Would you like any condiments on that? Spicy relish, oil?”

Customer: “Yes, I’d like both, please.”

(I finish making the hoagie and ring up the price which is now $3.20 with the extra condiments.)

Customer: “Last time I was here, my hoagie was $2.75.”

Me: “Actually, that’s the price of the regular Italian hoagie. Is that what you wanted instead of the Super Italian?”

Customer: “No, I wanted the Super.”

Me: “Well, the Super is $3.00, and with the spicy relish and oil your total comes to $3.20.”

Customer: *angrily* “Last time it was $2.75!”

(She walks off to the counter to pay, and complains to the assistant manager.)

Assistant Manager: “She says she’s coming in tomorrow to complain about you to Mike (the owner).”

Me: “Oh, great…”

(The next day…)

Mike: “You made sure she wanted the Super Italian?”

Me: “Yes.”

Mike: “And you made sure you checked that you added up the price right?”

Me: “Yes… so what do you think?”

Mike: “Psht, f**k her!”

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I’m So Smrt, I Dn’t Hve To Raed

| | Right | June 2, 2008

(A library patron comes to the desk with her laptop.)

Patron: “I’m having problems getting on the internet.”

Me: “Well, if you’re connecting wirelessly, you need to log on to our network with your email address–”

Patron: “I know that! I’m not stupid. I put in my email and password and it won’t connect me!”

Me: “Okay, why don’t you try and log in here, and I’ll see if I can help.”

Patron: *logs on* “See! I enter everything and then it says Not Connecting You To The Internet. It’s been doing this for the past half hour…I keep closing it and trying again!”

Me: “Uh, that says Now Connecting You To The Internet…”

Patron: “No it doesn’t! It says Not Connecting You To The Internet!”

Me: “What’s that word?”

Patron:Now!”

Me: “And the others?”

Patron:Connecting You To The… erm. I have to go now.”

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Driving While Supplemented

| | Right | June 2, 2008

(While interviewing a man I had just stopped for drunk driving one night…)

Me: “How much did you have to drink?”

Him: “A bottle of wine and a scotch in four hours. I thought I was okay to drive.”

Me: “Are you taking any medication?”

Him: “Well, I just started taking those fish oil capsules.”

Me: “The Omega 3 ones?”

Him: “Yes, those ones.”

Me: “Those are supposed to make you smarter.”

Him: “Yes, they are.”

Me: “Well, I’m sure you can get your money back for them, then.”

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