Dealing With Customers Is Child’s Play

| | Right | April 3, 2009

Me: “Thank you for calling ****, this is ****, how may I help you?”

Customer: *laughing hysterically* “Is there a grown-up there?”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Customer: *still laughing* “Is there a grown-up there? You sound like a child!”

Me: “Oh, thank you ma’am, but I’m an adult. What can I help you with?”

Customer: “Are you sure? You sound like you’re three! What do they do, hire children?”

Me: “No, I’m 22 actually. What can I do for you?”

Customer: “Pass me to someone who sounds like an adult.”

Me: “I don’t think we’ll be able to help you.” *hangs up*

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Heal The Blind, Raise The Dead, & Now A Book Deal

| | Right | April 3, 2009

Customer: “I’m looking for the autobiography of Jesus.”

Me: “Um, do you mean a biography of Jesus?”

Customer: “No! I want the AUTO-biography of Jesus! Where would it be?”

Me: “Well, I guess you could try the Bible section…”

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Chilly Reception

| | Right | April 3, 2009

(I was working at the kiosk where we sell sweets and drinks when this transaction occurred with an old woman over the bottled water.)

Customer: “Is that water cold?”

Me: “Yes, it’s just out of the fridge.”

Customer: “I don’t see a fridge.”

(I gesture towards the fridge a few feet away from the kiosk.)

Customer: “Can’t I just have one out of there?”

Me: “Yeah, of course.”

(I fetch her one out of the fridge.)

Customer: “That doesn’t look too cold to me.”

Me: “…well, you can feel for yourself, if you like. It really is quite cold.”

Customer: “No. You do it.”

(I put my hand against the bottle and then pretend to flinch.)

Me: “You’re right, ma’am, it’s boiling hot. I’m very sorry about that.”

Customer: “I’ll just have a Coke then.”

Me: “…”

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Precious Gems, Precious Few Brain Cells

| | Right | April 2, 2009

Customer: “I’m hoping you have a particular red stone that I’m looking for…”

Me: “Oh, garnet?”

Customer: “No..”

Me: “Ruby?”

Customer: “NO! I want red! Those aren’t red!”

Me: “Um…yes, they are.” *shows garnet ring*

Customer: “Oh. Well, it’s a stone that sounds like it should be red.”

Me: “…”

Customer: “I think it’s actually blue…”

Me: “…”

Customer: “What blue stones do you have that sound red?”

Me: “Um…topaz?”

Customer: “No, it’s not that one…”

Me: “Lapis?”

Customer: “No…. Oh! Sapphire! It sounds like it should be red, you know?”

Me: “…no, I’ve never thought that…”

Customer: “Well, it should be!”

Me: “…you know, there is a pink sapphire…”

Customer: “Oh. Who would want that?”

Me: “Not to worry, we don’t have any.”

Customer: “Any sapphires?”

Me: “No, any pink sapphires.”

Customer: “Well, that name should belong to a red stone anyway. They should think about these things when they name them… who would I talk to about that?”

Me: “…Adam?”

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Rip Van Winkle To The Extreme

| | Right | April 2, 2009

Customer: “Hi, I have a rather simple question to ask you.”

Me: “Sure thing. What can I help you with?”

Customer: “Hypothetically speaking, if I wanted to make someone sleep for a really long time, what would I use?”

Me: “Um, just how long are you talking?”

Customer: “Well, I was thinking somewhere around forever.”

Me: “…”

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