Hopeless

, , | | Right | November 9, 2007

(A customer comes up behind my counter just as I am about to serve another customer.)

Customer: “Excuse me, but why isn’t this WA Salvage?”

Me: “Because all the WA Salvages closed down and we bought the building.”

Customer: “So where’s the nearest one?”

Me: “Uh, they’ve all been bought out.”

Customer I was serving: “Mate, there aren’t anymore. They all closed down!”

Customer: “So wheres the nearest one?”

(I gave him a bad look, turned around, and continued serving the original customer)

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You Can’t Make This Stuff Up

| | Right | November 9, 2007

(A local officer picks this woman up off the street for public intoxication. He brings her to the jail to be booked in.)

Me: “Ma’am, please move over to the counter.”

Woman: “I don’t want to order anything, I’m not hungry.”

Me: “Ma’am, I need to remove the handcuffs and search you.”

Woman: “I don’t own any handcuffs.”

Me: “Ma’am, do you know where you are?”

Woman: “Yeah, at the store but I don’t like what you have done with it.”

Me: “How much have you had to drink tonight?”

Woman: “OH, I don’t drink. I’m a dietitian!”

Me: *furrows eyebrows* “Do you mean diabetic?”

Woman: “Whatever. I doesn’t… er … didn’t drink anything but some orange juice… The bottle is in my purse.”

(I opened her purse and found not only the bottle with OJ in it but an empty bottle of vodka. The OJ in the bottle was almost see through, she had so much Vodka in it.)

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Third Time’s A Charm

, | | Right | November 8, 2007

(Our mall opens at ten, so the restaurant does not serve breakfast.)

Customer: *gazes at menu board* “I’d like a [Breakfast Sandwich], please.”

Me: “Ma’am, I’m sorry, we don’t serve breakfast at this location.”

(Customer, still gazing at menu, which lists no breakfast items.)

Customer: “Well, can I get an order of [Breakfast Platter]?”

Me: “Ma’am, we do not serve breakfast here since we can’t open before ten.”

(Customer ceases looking at menu board gazes at me for a moment.)

Customer: “You don’t serve breakfast?”

Me: “Uh… no.”

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Someone Needs A Trip To The Warhol Museum

, , | | Right | November 8, 2007

(Note: this customer is yelling at me over something stupid in the first place…)

Customer: *pause* “Who is that on your shirt?”

Me: *slightly taken aback by the change in subject* “Ernesto “Che” Guevara.”

Customer: “Who is that?”

Me: “A Cuban revolutionary.”

Customer: “My husband is Cuban… Would he know about that guy?”

Me: “Yeah.”

(Customer calls her husband and talks to him for a second)

Customer: “My husband says he is a communist. Are you a communist?!”

Me: “Only on paper, ma’am.”

Customer: *blink blink* “I don’t get it!”

Me: “I didn’t think you would.”

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Time To Stuff Someone’s Mailbox w/Flat Lids

, | | Right | November 8, 2007

Customer, upon receiving her Moolatte: “This has a round lid, can I have a flat lid?”

Me: “I’m sorry, the only lid that fits that cup is a dome lid.”

Customer: “But I want a flat lid, Starbucks always gets me a flat lid! Why can’t you?!”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but the flat lids we have won’t fit that cup.”

Customer: “I want to speak with your manager.” *mutters* “Stupid kids…”

(I go and get my manager)

Manager: “What’s the problem, ma’am?”

Customer: “This stupid employee of yours won’t give me a flat lid!” *brandishes the drink in his face*

(My manager takes one of every single lid in the store and puts them in front of her)

Manager: “Go ahead then.”

Customer: *proceeds to try and put the lids on the cup, none of which fit* “This is ridiculous! Why don’t you have a flat lid?! Starbucks always has a flat lid!!”

Manager: “Then go buy your drinks there and leave my employees alone.”

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