Not Always Right Book: Facebook Giveaway

| Right | November 2, 2009

Not Always Right Book

Dear Readers,

Win a FREE copy of the new Not Always Right book!

To enter our book giveaway, simply visit the official Not Always Right Facebook group and follow the contest instructions.

Psst #1: Not a Facebook user? No problem! We have a similar book giveaway planned for following us on Twitter in the next few weeks–stay tuned for details!

Psst #2: Don’t know what book we’re talking about? Visit the official Not Always Right Book page!

Two Heads Of Lettuce Are Better Than One

| | Right | November 2, 2009

(I’m checking out a grocery store customer. Everything seems normal until she heads to the bagging area.)

Me: “Ma’am, I’m sorry. I don’t have a bagger right now.”

Customer: “Oh, that’s fine, I can bag!” *pause* “Would you like paper or plastic, ma’am?” *pause* “I’d like paper, please, thank you.”

(I glance over at the woman from the corner of my eyes.)

Customer: “I love your shirt!” *pause* “Thank you!”

(I continue checking out the lady’s order.)

Customer: “Oh, miss, you’re going too fast. Please slow down!”

(I turn off my conveyor belt and continue to ring up her items.)

Customer: “No, stop going so fast!”

(I slow down for the last four items and then give her the total. The customer comes to the credit card machine to pay.)

Customer: “Thank you, you’re such a wonderful cashier! We’ll have to remember to come through your line next time!”

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The Aura-oma Of Fresh Coffee

| | Right | November 2, 2009

(A customer orders a Zebra Mocha, but requests ‘love’. I add the note ‘Please make with love!’ to the order. I give the drink to her, and she takes a sip.)

Customer: “Hey! I wanted it made with LOVE! I can taste the despair and hatred!”

Me: “Sorry, do you want me to remake it?”

Customer: “No! I want someone else to make it. You reek of hate and despair and sadness. I want LOVE!”

Me: “Um…okay. Well, I’m the only one here, so can I give you a refund or remake it?”

Customer: “Fine, but remember the LOVE.”

Me: *remakes drink* “Here you go…honey!”

Customer: “Thanks!”

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When Good Onions Go Bad

| | Right | November 2, 2009

(At the natural foods store where I work, we cater to a lot of people with food allergies. I overhear this conversation between two customers:)

Customer 1: “I have a mild case of celiac disease. It’s always so tempting to just eat a little bit of bread or cookies, but I regret it so much later!”

Customer 2: “Oh yeah, I know what you mean. I love onions, but I’m terribly sensitive to them. They make me suicidal!”

Customer 1: *laughs* “I’m sure they’re not that bad!”

Customer 2: “Very much so! I can tell when I accidentally eat some because my thoughts turn dark. I hallucinated the bacon had a gun and wanted revenge!”

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Tit For Tat(too)

| | Right | October 30, 2009

(I have a tattoo on my foot of a vine of ivy. Usually, I hide it with my socks and shoes while working, but one day they get wet on the playground so I take them off to keep from getting blisters. While I’m changing shoes, a child notices the tattoo.)

Child: “Oh! What’s that?”

Me: “It’s a tattoo. It’s like a permanent drawing on your skin that you can get when your 18.”

Child: “Can I touch it?”

Me: “Sure, it just feels like skin.”

(Several kids come over to touch my tattoo. A mother walks in.)

Mother: “Is that a tattoo?”

Me: “Yes.”

Mother: “You should be ashamed! You are setting a bad example for these children! That could be a gang symbol or related to drugs like marijuana!”

Me: “Ma’am, it’s just ivy.”

Mother: “What?! I don’t know anything about your drug symbols. This is highly unprofessional and I will be speaking to your boss! Advocating drugs like this!”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am. Next time I’ll be sure to hide my tattoo, but I assure you it has nothing to do with drugs or any illegal behavior.”

Mother: “You’d better! I can’t believe you would be allowed to work with kids!”

(The mother bends over to pick up daughter, and I see a pair of dolphins tattooed very low on her back–AKA a “tramp stamp.” It’s visible just above her thong and low rise jeans. Rightly or wrongly, these tattoos often have a negative connotation.)

Me: “Nice dolphins.”

Mother: “I’m an adult! Don’t you judge me!”

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