(My brother comes to the cashier with a cart full of groceries. Behind him is an older man with only a baguette. He motions for the man to go first, but the old man shakes his head.)
Old Man: “Oh, no, don’t mind me. I have time. Probably not much of it left, but still enough for me to wait for my turn!”
(Both the cashier and my brother had a hard time keeping their faces straight.)
(A resident rolls up to my desk in her wheelchair to ask a question.)
Resident: “It’s written on my coat… my defecation…” *trails off*
Me: *blink* “Your… what now?”
Resident: “My name and… my phone number… My defecation is on my coat.”
(I remember a coworker saying something about someone missing their coat so I take a shot.)
Me: “We’ll find it [Resident]; don’t worry!”
Resident: “Oh, thank you! My defecation is on it…”
(She honest-to-God kept saying, “defecation,” but I hope she meant identification. I pity who finds the coat if she really did mean defecation.)
(I’m Canadian, currently doing a study-abroad semester in Stockholm. It’s just before Christmas, when I’m set to head home, so I’m browsing a well-known department store for some gifts. I’m looking at a display of scarves when an elderly woman comes up to me with an armful of items.)
Customer: *speaks Swedish*
(Although I’ve tried to learn the basics, I’m nowhere near fluent in Swedish and have no idea what this lady is saying.)
Me: “Um… Jag kan inte… pratar svenska. Um… sorry.” *I can’t speak Swedish.*
Customer: *scoffs and rolls her eyes, and keeps speaking Swedish*
Me: “I don’t speak Swedish. Um, I’m sorry. I can’t help you.”
(I turn back to the display of scarves, but she forcefully grabs my arm and tries to pull me back. I can’t stand random people touching me, so I give her hand a brisk slap.)
Me: “Please don’t touch me! I have no idea what you’re saying and I can’t help you. I’m very sorry! Now, please leave me alone!”
Customer: *starts screaming at me in Swedish*
(Her expression makes her look like she wants to claw my eyes out. Thankfully, an employee comes over and tries to defuse the situation. It doesn’t help much, and eventually, the lady has to be escorted out by security.)
Employee: “I’m so sorry. She thought you worked here and was trying to get you to give her a discount. She’s actually done this to so many people that she’s not supposed to be in the store, but we have so many entrances it’s hard to keep her out. But you’re American, right? No one from here would’ve stood up for themselves and caused a scene.” *pauses* “Not that it’s a bad thing. We Swedes just don’t like drawing attention to ourselves.”
Me: “Canadian, actually. But thanks, I think?”
Employee: “Aha! Well, that explains how you can stand up for yourself and be polite at the same time. Good for you!”
(He went back to work, and I was left there thinking, “What the heck just happened?”)
(I’m currently in the front office working on a project. One of our long-time clients, [Client #1] is at the front desk talking to another coworker on his project. Another client, [Client #2], walks into our office. She is infamous for wanting projects done quickly, but not paying us for months until we are close to sending her to collections. The only reason we are still with her is that her project is ongoing and we can’t quit now due to how much work has been put in on the project.)
Client #2: “I’m really upset with you all. You have a notice on my invoice saying you are going to charge me 2% more every month and have a lien on my project.”
(It is true; on all of our invoices, we have a notice about what will happen if you don’t pay. However, because most people pay on time, this isn’t typically an issue.)
Client #1: “Well, I’ve been working with them for years, and they always send me the same notice. I don’t get worked up because I pay my bills on time. So, unless you are late, I don’t see what the big deal is.”
([Client #2] shut up after that, and paid the bill without saying another word.)
(I work as a receptionist at a hair salon.)
Me: “Would you like a receipt for your visit today?”
Customer: “No, it’s okay.”
Me: “Okay, you have a great day!”
(The customer just stares at me a while.)
Me: “Did you need anything else?”
Customer: “Yeah, can I get a receipt?”
Me: *a little confused* “Sure, let me get back in your account and reprint it…”
(It takes about 30 or 40 seconds. I tear off the receipt and hand it to the customer.)
Me: “Here you go! Have a great day!”
Customer: *crumples receipt, and with no hint of sarcasm or malice* “Can you toss this for me? Have a great night.”
(I was so confused, I just started to laugh as I tossed the paper out. He didn’t even seem to notice.)
