Fun With Hypocrites

| | Right | February 6, 2008

Me: “That’ll be $49.95, thank you sir.”

(Customer takes out his credit card and his reward benefits card from his wallet and pointedly separates them before handing them over. I take the cards.)

Customer: “No, you can’t touch the cards together like that, it ruins the magnetic strip.”

Me: “Oh it’s okay, the strips on these cards are very durable.”

(I continue on with the transaction.)

Customer: “Are you deaf? I said don’t touch them together!! You’ll ruin my cards!”

Me: “Sir, trust me–you could put a strong magnet on these cards and they wouldn’t be damaged. Touching them together is not going to affect them.”

Customer: “Well, the customer is always right, so don’t touch my cards together, okay?!”

Me: “Okay, okay, geez.”

(I make a big show of keeping the cards separate.)

Customer: “The service here is terrible.”

Me: “Whatever.”

(I hand his cards back, still making a show of keeping them separate. The customer then proceeds to put them back in his wallet, in the same flap, so they are rubbing against each other through a thin piece of material.)

Me, trying not to laugh: “You just put them together in your wallet.”

Customer: *embarrassed* “Yeah well…shut up and do your job!”

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One-Woman Wrecking Crew

| | Right | February 5, 2008

Woman: “I’ve been standing out there trying to pump gas for the last 10 minutes! Your @&$%*# gas pump is broken!”

Me: “I’m sorry. I’ll go out with you and see what I can do.”

(I see a bright red “Out of Order” bag on the nozzle; she had shoved everything into her tank, bag and all.)

Me: “Yes, that pump is broken. You’ll need to pull up to another pump.”

Woman: “Oh, well you guys should really mark it better. I wasted a lot of time here!”

Me: “Um…yes, we usually put a traffic cone in front.”

Woman: “Oh yeah…I saw it, but I didn’t know what it was for, so I just drove over it.”

(The cone was wedged under her car.)

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Easily Puzzled

| | Right | February 5, 2008

Me: “****** Frame Shop, how can I help you?”

Lady: “Hi. I have a problem with a mat I ordered.”

Me: “What is the problem?”

Lady: “Well, I wanted the mat to fit over a puzzle and on the puzzle box it says it is supposed to be 20″ by 28″, so that is what we ordered.”

Me: “Okay.”

Lady: “But I am putting the puzzle together and it is only 20″ by 23″.”

Me: “Well, if there is a problem I can always re-order the mat for you…”

Lady: “But the puzzle is supposed to be 20″ by 28″! Now it won’t fit in the frame I bought from you!”

Me: “Do you have the puzzle all put together?”

Lady: “No, not yet.”

Me: “…then how did you measure it?”

Lady: “I measured the edges!”

Me: “Are there any pieces with flat sides left?”

Lady: “Yes, but they don’t fit.”

Me: “Hmm, I see….”

(I spend the next 15 minutes trying to explain to the customer that all of the flat pieces belong on the edges of the puzzle, without offending her or snickering.)

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Word Of The Day: Owned

| | Right | February 5, 2008

(As I am working in the department, refilling betta containers, dressed in company attire and name tag clearly displayed.)

Customer: “Do you work here?”

Me: “Yes ma’am, I do. What can I help you with?”

Customer: “I was standing here for 10 minutes, waiting for someone to help me.”

Me: “Oh, well I have been here for the last 20 minutes.”

Customer: “Could you help me find this [competitor’s can of cat food]?”

Me: “I am sorry ma’am, we do not sell that brand here.”

Customer: “DO NOT TELL ME THAT, I WAS JUST HERE LAST WEEK AND BOUGHT IT!! I KNOW YOU SELL IT!!”

Me: “I’m sorry, we don’t.”

Customer: “FINE THEN, PROVE IT!!”

(I turn to the back of the can and read it.)

Me:Marketed and sold by [competitor]. Anything else I can help you with?”

Customer: *turns and walks away*

Me: *smile*

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I Bet His Computer Has A “Cup Holder” Too

| | Right | February 5, 2008

(This is from a few years ago, when I worked tech support for a major satellite TV company.)

Me: “How may I help you?”

Customer: “Is your satellite down?”

Me: “No sir, the satellite is working properly.”

Customer: “Are you sure? Because I’m not getting ANYTHING on my TV.”

Me: “Well, let’s try and get this solved for you. What do you see on the screen?”

Customer: “It’s black.”

Me: “There’s nothing at all on the screen?”

Customer: “I told you, it’s completely black!”

Me: “Is…is there a message of any kind?”

Customer: “Yeah, it says ‘searching for satellite signal’. That’s how I know your satellite is down. You need to connect me to a different one.”

Me: “Well sir, just in case it’s possibly something else and not the satellite, could you tell me who installed your equipment? Did you pay for an installer or did you do it yourself?”

Customer: “I did it myself! I’m not an idiot. I took the box out of the package and connected it to my TV and DVD player and stereo just fine. I know how to connect a few wires…”

Me: “Okay, maybe there’s something blocking the dish, like a tree or perhaps a neighbors house. Where did you mount the dish?”

Customer: “Dish? The bowl thing? It’s still in the box. Look, just connect me to your other satellite already!”

Me:

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