(I manage a station for a national grocery chain. I am trying to process a lady’s credit card so she can buy some gas.)

Me: “I’m sorry, but your credit card had been declined.”

Woman: “That’s not right; there is over $50,000 in that account.”

Me: “I’m sorry, but the card has been declined. I ran it twice.”

Woman: “I demand that you stop pushing the decline button and approve my gas.”

Me: “I’m sorry, but you need to contact your bank to see why it declined your card.”

Woman: *in a very loud tone* “I DEMAND THAT YOU PUSH THE APPROVE BUTTON IMMEDIATELY! I HAVE OVER 50K IN THAT ACCOUNT, SO YOU NEED TO PUSH THE APPROVE BUTTON IMMEDIATELY!”

Me: “I’m sorry, there is nothing more I can do.”

Woman: “I’M LATE FOR WORK BECAUSE OF THIS! I’M GOING TO GO TALK TO YOUR BOSS, AND IN APPROXIMATELY 30 MINUTES YOU WILL BE FIRED FOR REJECTING MY 50K CREDIT CARD!”

Me: “I apologize for the inconvenience.”

Woman: “YOU SHOULD BE IN JAIL FOR REJECTING MY CREDIT CARD!”

(She stormed off and I never saw her again. A regular that knew the woman told me that she’d had her money cut off by her husband because she had been cheating on him.)

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(I work in a women’s boutique. I’m standing inside the shop by myself since the manager is on break. I have a customer in the fitting room. I see a woman and her daughter pointing and looking through the display window. They eventually come in.)

Woman: “Do you work here?”

Me: “Yes, ma’am, I do. Was there something you’d like to see from the display window?”

Woman: “Oh, no. I just had a question about restaurants.”

Me: “…”

Woman: “My daughter and I want to have brunch, but we only eat gluten-free and organic, and we’re not in the mood for Italian or Chinese. Could you tell me where we could go have brunch?”

(I’m thinking, “Are you serious?”)

Me: “Uh… I’m sorry, ma’am. I can’t think of any place, but I can give you this.”

(I give her a little booklet with most of the shows and restaurants close by.)

Woman: “But you work here; you should know.”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but I’m not familiar with the property’s restaurants. There’s a concierge down the hallway; I’m sure he could tell you where to go.”

Woman: “You work here. Can’t you call around and find out for me?”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, I can’t do that; I have to tend to customers in here.”

(Good thing the customer in the fitting room was ready to be rung up, so “ButYouWorkHere” finally left the shop.)

(It is very busy at our bookstore, and I am working as a cashier. We don’t have an info station, so when somebody wants to find a book they often ask us at the front.)

Customer: “Hi. I’m looking for a book, but I don’t know what it’s called. It was about dreams, and it’s blue.”

Me: “Is that all you know? Do you remember any of the author’s name or any words of the title at all?”

Customer: “No. But it was blue!”

Me: “Well… I’m sorry. I can search for books about dreams, but there’s going to be a lot. What was it about?”

Customer: *blank look* “Dreams.”

Me: “Right, but… I mean, is it a novel, or a nonfiction book about dream interpretation, or somebody’s dream journal, or a psychology book?”

Customer: “I don’t know! It was on Oprah!”

(I’m resisting the urge to face-palm; that one fact is nearly everything I need to know to identify the book.)

Me: “Okay. All the books Oprah recommends are on that table right there, under the sign that says, ‘OPRAH RECOMMENDS.’ I can see a blue one from here; is that the one?”

(The customer trots over to the table to peruse it, and as I move on to the next person in line, I hear the customer shout:)

Customer: “YEAH, THAT WAS IT!”

(I have been on the call with a client for about half an hour, going over some information prior to his appointment. He has asked me to give him directions to our offices, but refuses to tell me where he is. After a few minutes of back and forth, my manager signals me.)

Me: “Um, do you mind if I put you on speaker? My manager believes he might be able to help.”

Client: “Yes, please. Thank God — a man who will be able to give directions.”

(I put him on speaker.)

Manager: “You just need to take a left, and then it’s the third right.”

Client: “THANK YOU!”

(I look at him confused, but he motions to keep quiet. The client asks about a roundabout, and my manager says to take the second exit. After about a minute the client speaks again.)

Client: “WHAT THE F*** IS THIS? YOU’VE TAKEN ME TO A DUMP!”

Manager: *laughing* “Yup, that sounds like exactly where you need to be. Good luck!” *ends the call* “I don’t think that could have ended better.”

Me: “How did you know where he was?”

Manager: “I don’t, and I never will now.”

(I work in a movie theatre. A customer approaches the kiosk.)

Me: “Hello. Can I get you anything?”

Customer: “A large popcorn, please.” *as I’m filling a box* “It’s very pretty in here. Is it always like this?”

Me: “Oh, no. Two of our managers just got engaged to each other, and seeing as it’s Pride Month, we decided to celebrate a little.”

Customer: “Oh!” *looks around* “So, this is what it’s like to be inside the Gay Agenda. It’s very colourful.”

(He then left the kiosk and walked into his screening, while I stood there shouting, asking if he still wanted his popcorn.)

This story is part of the Pride Month 2023 roundup!

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