The Lion, The Witch And The Supply Cabinet

| | Right | July 28, 2008

(Note: The women’s bathroom in our store has a large handicapped stall which also holds an 8 foot tall locked wooden storage cabinet for supplies. )

Coworker: “Thanks for calling *** Coffee, how can I help you?”

Customer: “Hi, is this *** Coffee?”

Coworker: “Yes it is, how can I help you?”

Customer: “This is the *** Coffee in *** Square?”

Coworker: “Yes, it is.”

Customer: “The one with the bathroom?”

Coworker: “Uhhh… yes?”

Customer: “Oh, well, I’m calling from the women’s room. The door is locked and I cant get out.”

Coworker: “Well, if you turn the handle of the door and pull it should open.”

Customer: “There is no handle! I’m locked in!”

Coworker: “Okay, I’ll have someone over in a moment.”

Coworker, to me: “Ummm… so some lady locked herself in the bathroom and can’t get out.”

Me: “Seriously?”

(I head over to the bathroom, letting myself in with the spare keys. There is in fact a woman in the large stall, yelling for help.)

Me: “Can I help you, ma’am?”

Customer: “Well, your stupid door locked me into the stall and now I’m stuck in here! ”

(I can hear her fumbling with something, but it isn’t the stall door latch.)

Me: “Okay. Well, if you’ll just come over to the stall door, turning the knob should open it.”

Customer: “There is nothing to turn! The door only has a handle!”

Me: “It does. I’m standing on the other side of it.”

Customer: “Well, then why don’t YOU open it! You’ve already kept me locked in here for a half hour!”

(I fiddle with the lock and manage to open it from the outside after a moment, only to see the woman prying at the supply cabinet door.)

Customer: “Oh, I came in this door. I thought that one…” *points to supply cabinet* “… led to the men’s room.”

(Without another word, she walks out of the bathroom and out of the store.)

Coworker: “Maybe she was trying to get to Narnia?”

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Welcome To Earth, Population: Me

| | Right | July 28, 2008

(A customer calls to ask if his car is ready to be picked up.)

Caller: “Is my car ready to be picked up?”

Me: “I can check for you, sir. Which car is it?”

Caller: “The one I dropped off this morning.”

Me: “Right, and which one would that be?”

Caller: “The one that I dropped off today.”

Me: “Sir, we have a lot of customers on a daily basis. I can’t go on that alone…”

Caller: “I dropped it off this morning!”

Me: “Sir, lots of people dropped their cars off this morning. You need to tell me more. The license plate number, or what you dropped it off for, for example?”

Caller: “It’s the car that I dropped off this morning!”

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Whipped

| | Right | July 28, 2008

Customer: “Can I get a pumpernickel bagel and a plain bagel in a bag?”

(I get him his bagels. He looks at the bag with a wistful expression.)

Customer: “Pumpernickel bagel.”

Me: “Yep.”

Customer: “Keeps the peace at home, you know?”

Me: “Um, sure.”

Customer: “Really does. Twenty-three… no, thirty-four years of marriage and it’s come to this. Pumpernickel bagel.”

Me: “…”

Customer: “Pumpernickel… bagel.” *leaves*

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Maybe That’s Her Good Side

| | Right | July 28, 2008

Customer: “Do you take passport photos?”

Me: “Yes we do. Do you want one taken?”

Customer: “Yes, please.”

Me: “Okay, ma’am. Just stand in front of the screen, please, and I’ll take your photo.”

(She walks up and stands in front of the white screen; she’s facing the background with her back towards me. My coworkers can barely keep it together at this point.)

Me: “Ma’am, you’re going to have to turn around if you don’t want the back of your head on your passport.”

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AARP Membership Comes With A Few Hidden Perks

| | Right | July 27, 2008

(I was trying to put a dressing on the arm of a VERY confused but cute elderly man.)

Me: “Just hold your arm out so I can wrap this around it.”

Elderly patient: *reaches out his arm and grabs my right breast*

Me: “Hey! You can’t do that!”

Elderly patient: “But I like it…”

Me: *laughs

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