(I work at a gas station that has an air pump owned by a different company. It costs $1 in quarters for about four minutes. They basically rent the space from our corporate office.)

Customer: “You need to give me a receipt for the $1.50 I had to spend on air from your machine so I can get reimbursed from my boss!”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but we don’t own the machine. They rent the space from our corporate office.”

Customer: “But it’s on your property! You’re making a sale! And I need a receipt so I can get my money back from my boss!”

Me: “Sorry, it doesn’t work that way. I cannot give you a receipt, as it’s not ours to give.”

Customer: “So, you’re making a cash sale with no record?!”

Me: “We didn’t make a sale; the other company did.”

Customer: “Well, surely you can appreciate my situation? I need a receipt to give my boss so I can get my money back.”

Me: *sighs* “There’s a number on the machine you can call.”

Customer: “I guess I’ll have to do that!” *storms out*

(Yes, he was seriously flipping his s*** over getting reimbursed for $1.50!)

(As a second-level line technician at this ISP, I get a call from the first level about a customer who can’t get online; after that, the customer, a nice older lady, is transferred to me, as well. The troubleshooting begins…)

Caller: “You know, this morning I could still talk on the phone with my nephew. He called me at 9:30! And about 20 minutes after that, I tried to call him back and I couldn’t, and then I saw that the Internet is down, too.”

(This customer has upgraded to VoIP, which must be installed everywhere in Germany by 2017, so her phone conversations use the Internet.)

Me: “All right, ma’am, let’s see what caused this. Can you tell me the model of your router, and which LED lights are on?”

Caller: “Yes, it’s a [Company Brand] router. Only the power light is on, but the link light is on-and-off, and when it’s on it’s very dim!”

(This is the first time someone has told me their light is “dim.” After almost an hour of troubleshooting and establishing that there is nothing wrong with their connection or signal:)

Me: “It seems it’s a problem with the device itself. Hold on, and I’ll transfer you to a device technician to take a look at it.”

(This ISP has call centers all around Germany, so it’s the norm to get coworkers from other ends of the country when transferring someone. This time, however, I happen to get a coworker in the same office as me, who sits a pair of rows away.)

Me: “Oh, [Coworker], so glad I got you on the phone; I know you’re up to this. See, this old lady can’t go online anymore. Her line is all right, but her device behaves weirdly. Somehow the whole home network is down. Can you please take a look? Thank you.”

(I then go on about my business and forget about the entire thing. About 40 minutes later, my coworker stops me as I walk by.)

Coworker: “I’m so mad at you for that call! Do you know what happened?”

Me: “Um, no?”

Coworker: “Turns out the old lady’s husband tried the ‘reset’ button on the router because he thought that would update his device!”

Me: “I… I need to sit down.”

Coworker: “Yes… and I’m going for a smoke, because I need it.”

(I work as a manager for a large chain of craft stores. Our company recently changed the return policy so customers could return anything, not matter what, as long as it was from our chain. Naturally, customers, being customers, have taken full advantage of this. This instance happens very soon after the policy change.)

Cashier: “Uh… I have a situation with a return up here.”

Me: “Do they have the receipt?”

Cashier: “Yeah, but, it’s… really old.”

Me: “Okay, well, the new policy says we have to take it.”

Cashier: “Well, it’s not coming up in the register.”

Me: “Okay, I’ll be up there in a minute.”

(I get to the register and the cashier just looks really bewildered. I don’t think much of it; I just guess that maybe they haven’t had any return issues like that one. I approach the register.)

Me: “Hi! I hear we are having a return issue?”

Customer: “I guess the receipt is too old for the register, but I do have it! And the items, here.” *gestures to items*

(I have been working for the company for two and a half years, but I have never seen these items. I’m starting to think this is a scam, or that she bought the items at a different store and has forgotten. Then, I get a look at the receipt. It’s dated 2008.)

Me: “This receipt is nine years old.”

Customer: “Yep!”

Cashier: “I told you!”

Me: “You didn’t say it was nine years old!”

(I had to call over another manager, as I had no clue how to return something that had been out of the system so long that the system couldn’t recognize it anymore. I’ve had a lot of memorable returns, but that one definitely stands out!)

Related:
Return Of The Returner: The Buyback
Return Of The Returner: Jeans Of Justice
Return Of The Returner: The Return

(A woman calls the store with a question about a return.)

Me: “Hi! How can I help you?”

Woman: “Yes, I was just wondering if I could bring an item in for return without the receipt?”

Me: “We accept most things for return without a receipt for store credit, but what’s the item?”

Woman: “Well, my little boy came to the store the other day with his grandma and he picked out a girl’s toy. Despite my telling his grandmother not to let him buy things like that, she let him, anyway. And he ripped into the box before I could take it away from him, so it’s slightly ripped on the corner. I wasn’t sure if I could still return it, since the packaging is damaged and I don’t have the receipt. Really, I just want to exchange it for an appropriate toy for a boy. Can I do that? “

Me: *slightly taken aback* “Uh, yeah, that should be fine.”

Woman: “Great! I’ll be in soon!”

(I end the call, shake my head in wonder, and go on with my day. A few hours later, the woman comes in to return the item, which for the record IS a popular, girly, pink toy, but it’s one that I’ve seen both girls and boys buy.)

Woman: “Were you the lady I talked to on the phone earlier?”

Me: “I believe so. You wanted to return this for store credit, right?”

Woman: “Uh, no. I want cash back for it.”

Me: “Oh. Err, I might be able to look up the transaction. Did you pay with [various methods of payment]?”

Woman: “No, it wasn’t me that bought it, remember? It was his grandmother. Also, it was his birthday money, so it would have been cash. But I know what time and day they came here; is that enough to go by?”

(It is, though it takes a long time and I have other customers, so a coworker comes over to help. The entire time my coworker is looking for the transaction, the woman is talking.)

Woman: “It’s hilarious that he keeps getting this stuff. He’s only in second grade, but keeps choosing these pink and purple girl’s toys no matter what I do! His grandmother is no help; in fact, she encourages it! The only thing I can think of is that he’s trying to impress the girls at school, and we just can’t have that, now, can we?”

(My coworker eventually found the woman’s receipt and returned the item. When everything was finally done, she ended up buying a cheap black and blue toy monster truck, making sure to mention how much more he’d like that toy than the silly pink one. I feel sorry for the poor kid.)

(It is a policy at our venue that if you buy tickets online and pick them up in the box office, you must show the purchaser’s ID or the credit card they used, even if they are not present. “So-and-so said I could have their tickets,” is not a valid excuse.)

Customer: “Hi, I’m picking up tickets for [Buyer].”

Me: “Okay, can I see your ID?”

Customer: “Oh, that’s not me. He’s not coming, so he said I could have the tickets.”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but I need to see [Buyer]’s ID or his credit card in order to give you his tickets.”

Customer: “No, it’s okay; he gave me permission. Here, it’s written right here.”

(He hands me a folded piece of paper through the ticket slot. I open it to find a printed screenshot of an email, the right half of which is cut off so I can’t even read the whole message.)

Me: “I’m sorry, but this doesn’t really tell me anything. I can’t let you have those tickets without an ID.”

(I hand him the paper back through the window.)

Customer: *getting angry* “Look, if you’ll just read it, it says right here. He is letting me have his tickets because he can’t make it.”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but I have no way of knowing who that email is from or who it is addressed to, and half of it is cut off.”

Customer: *trying to shove the paper back through the window* “Just read it! It says right here!”

Me: “I can’t accept this. You’ll need to get his ID or credit card, or I can’t give you the tickets.”

(He snatches the paper back without a word. I watch as he goes over to the venue entrance and waves the paper in the poor ticket-taker’s face until a manager shows up. The manager takes a look for himself, says something to the customer, and then disappears around the corner and comes into the box office.)

Manager: “Let him have the tickets. That paper is bulls***, but I know the guy who bought the tickets, and I know he ended up not being able to come.”

(I find the tickets and hand them to the customer.)

Customer: “There, see? If you had just read the email this would have been so much easier!”