A teacher came in during the store’s back-to-school event and bought a bunch of stuff really cheap (and with coupons). The next month, she came in and returned this stuff, expecting to get the full retail price back, not what she paid.

I did the return, told her the return amount, and she was just yes-ing me to death until she saw the return ticket.

Teacher: “I want my stuff back!”

Me: “I can’t do that. You accepted the return and got your money back.”

Teacher: “You have to return my belongings; you didn’t give me the correct amount back!”

She kept demanding this over and over. I eventually snapped.

Me: “If I give you more money or your returns back, I’ll be fired, and you’re not worth getting fired for.”

She yelled for the manager, who told her she could repurchase her stuff at the current retail price.

I’m in college. I tend to dress somewhat interestingly — not odd, but enough that I stand out and tend to look a bit dapper.

One day, I’m out shopping with a friend, and she wants to pop into a clothing store. I’m standing outside the dressing room while my friend tries something on. This woman walks up to me and just assumes I work there. I get this a lot, actually.

Customer: “I don’t think I’m going to get this shirt. Can I just hand this to you? And do I need to get a number to try these three on?”

Me: *Taking the shirt* “You know, I don’t think you need a number, but…”

I spot a girl in a headset standing next to a Go Back rack.

Me: “…I believe she works here. Let me ask.”

Customer: *Laughing* “Oh, I’m sorry. You’re just dressed so fancy.”

Me: “Thank you, and it’s no trouble at all. I’m just waiting for my friend, anyway.”

I walk up to the attendant.

Me: “Excuse me, does she need a number to use the dressing rooms?”

Attendant: “Oh, no.” *To the woman* “You’re fine; go on in!”

Me: “Oh, perfect. And can I just leave this top with you? I guess she decided she didn’t want it.”

Attendant: “Yeah, sure.”

My friend finally comes out.

Friend: “Who did I hear you talking to?”

Me: “Oh, a customer confused me for an employee.”

Just then, the floor manager comes up because he’s apparently been watching the whole thing.

Manager: “You handled that very well. Would you like to work here?”

It just so happened that I was looking for a new job — my current boss was horrible — so I said sure. I filled out an application as a formality and started within a week.

Customer: “What’s your star sign?”

I refused to tell her. The lady got angry and reported me to the store manager and the store coordinator.

I moved out soon after turning eighteen and went from the country to a big city. At first, it was a culture shock, but I adapted to it. A friend of mine was working as a security guard/bouncer at a club in town. It wasn’t a total high society thing, but it wasn’t crappy, either. One night, my then-roommate dragged me out partying.

I went out to have a smoke and to call someone as smoking wasn’t allowed inside. My bouncer buddy saw me and I chilled with him, smoking a cigarette, and having a chat. He then went away to use the toilet, so I lit my second cigarette and tried to make my call.

I was approached by what seemed to be a mother-daughter duo or maybe aunt and niece. But the girl was maybe eighteen or nineteen, and the woman was in her early to mid-forties.

Woman: “Hey, excuse me!”

She waved to get my attention.

Me: “Huh?”

Woman: “So, we’ve waited at least half an hour.”

My friends and I waited forty-five minutes to get inside.

Me: “So?”

Woman: “So, maybe you could bring us in?”

Now I got it. She mistook me for a bouncer. Okay. The bouncers were in black jackets with “SECURITY” written in big, white, reflecting letters on the back and in little print on the right side of the chest, and they had earplugs for radios in their ears so they could be called if they were needed inside. I was in a black bomber jacket, an AC/DC shirt, black pants, and a pair of combat boots.

Me: “Uh, I think there is a misunderstanding.”

Woman: “Oh, no, there isn’t. Sure, you can’t let us skip the line, but what if you just look the other way…”

She started touching my jacket and I guess she was trying to be flirty?

Woman: “…and we slip in. We just want to do clubbing, and I bet you need some ladies in there.”

She then slipped a banknote into my pocket.

Girl: “Look, clubs need some girls so guys buy drinks, right?”

Me: “Sorry, I’m not working here.”

Woman: “Oh, come on. I know a bouncer when I see one. I’m long enough in the clubbing scene. I know you’re afraid of what your boss maybe will say, kid, but I know him. It’s Frank, right? He’s a friend of mine. Tell him [Woman] slipped in.”

My buddy came back from the toilet and raised an eyebrow when he saw me. The girl looked at my buddy and her eyes widened. My buddy was wearing the security jacket, black leather gloves, the radio plug in his ear, and an ID card around his neck. The girl then whispered in the woman’s ear. She looked at my buddy and went red in the face. Both then retreated to the back of the line.

He asked me what happened, I told him, and we laughed. I pulled the banknote out of my pocket; this woman had given me 100 euros. I went back into the club and bought beers for myself and my friends. Thanks for the beers and my groceries the next day, lady!

A customer comes through the drive-thru and talks to my coworker.

Customer: “Do you read the Bible?”

Coworker: “No, I’m not religious.”

He started yelling things like, “The end is near!” After going through the drive-thru, he went through again blowing a trumpet. If I didn’t witness it myself, I wouldn’t have believed it.