You Say, “Potato,” I Say, “What?”

, , , , | Right | February 16, 2019

(A customer asks me where the bags of potatoes are located, so I show him.)

Customer: “Ah, here they are.”

Me: *gets him a bag* “Here you are.”

Customer: “Is that price right? Buy-one-get-one?”

Me: “Yes. It rings up at half-price.”

Customer: “But it’s buy-one-get-one, right?”

Me: “Yes, it is.”

Customer: “So I can get two for the price of one?”

Me: *confused pause* “Would you like another bag?”

Customer: “Wouldn’t you?”

Me: “Um…” *gets him a second bag*

Customer: “Who wouldn’t want two bags of potatoes?”

Me: “Well, if a customer had a smaller family, they might only want one bag at half-off…”

Customer: “If it’s buy-one-get-one, you should get two!”

(The customer left to get something else on sale. I didn’t dare tell him that I personally don’t like potatoes at all, so I wouldn’t even buy one bag.)

Must Work At The Fanciest “Whole Foods” Ever

, , , | Right | February 16, 2019

(I work at a grocery store, and at least three times a day when I’m on the floor in my uniform attire and apron, clearly stocking or using store equipment, someone approaches me and asks, “Do you work here?” On one of my days off, I’m visiting out of town and shopping at a different grocery chain when a customer approaches me while I’m shopping.)

Customer: “Excuse me. How much is this?”

Me: “Um… I don’t know, but I’m sure they can do a price check for you at the register.”

Customer: “Well, can’t you find out for me?”

Me: “I… I’m sure someone at the register can tell you.”

Customer: *angrily* “Oh, what. Are you too busy or something?”

Me: “I’m just shopping.”

Customer: “Wow, so, I can’t even ask you a question?!”

Me: *still awkwardly following my politeness programming* “I don’t even live in this city.”

Customer: “Wait… So… you don’t work here?”

Me: “No.”

Customer: “Oh… you just seemed like you work here.”

Me: *looks down at my full-length lacy dress and high heels*

They Haven’t Got A Glue

, , , , | Right | February 15, 2019

Customer: “Excuse me. Do you sell cake toppers with numbers?”

Me: “Yes! They’re right over here.”

Customer: “Perfect! This is exactly what I’m looking for. And there’s only one more 5!” *sees that the number came off of the stick* “Oh, this one’s broken. Do you have any in the back?”

Me: “No, sorry. We don’t keep any stock in the back. But this would be easy to fix. I’m sure we could give it to you at a discounted price.”

(We talk about how it can be fixed. She wants the number reattached to the stick and the paint fixed in the back where the two pieces meet, so I show her our adhesives and paint.)

Customer: “Can you fix it for me?”

Me: “You mean glue it and paint it for you? I’m not sure about that. Let me ask my manager.”

(I call the manager over and explain the situation.)

Manager: “I’m sorry. We can’t do that.”

Customer: “But it’s such a little thing. Can’t you fix it for me? It would just take a little bit of glue and paint.”

Manager: “We can’t. I’m sorry. If we open those products, we can’t sell them anymore.”

Customer: “But I don’t want to buy glue and paint just for this.” *wanders off*

Me: *to the manager* “Thanks for dealing with her.”

Manager: “No problem. She doesn’t want to buy them, but what she doesn’t understand is that if we open them, in essence, we’re buying them, because we can’t sell them!”

The Public Is Me And No One Else

, , , , , , | Right | February 15, 2019

(I am a customer in this story, doing some work in the public library because it’s usually quiet at home. This library has special Microfilm computers which are free to use for people to look up family history, etc. I am sitting on a desk next to a free one when a middle-aged lady with a walking stick comes to the end of the aisle and starts complaining to a member of staff.)

Lady: “It’s not fair that all the machines are being used! Someone should move!”

(I’m a little confused, because I can see a number of free machines, but I take it that this lady wants a particular one and is hoping if she complains loud enough, someone will move and she’ll get it.)

Library Staff: “There more machines over there.” *points to the other end of the room* “Or, if you’d like, you can go over to the search desk and they’ll be able to look it up for you. Is there anything in particular you’d like to look for?”

Lady: “No, I’d like a machine to use. It’s not fair when other people use them or students come in and use them. These machines aren’t meant for them!”

Library Staff: “The machines are for public use, and if students are using them for their intended purpose, then they can use them. If you’re not willing to use the machines over there, there’s nothing I can do to help you.”

(An elderly man tries to help and point her in the right direction to a free machine, but she just gets angrier.)

Lady: “FINE! I guess I’ll just go and have a walk round, then, if that’s what you want! Honestly! The nerve of some people!”

(She starts to hobble towards me, sees the empty machine, and pounces. I think this is the end of the whole thing, but she turns and says.)

Lady: “See? Someone obviously heard me complaining and left because they were afraid they were in the wrong. It’s not about how or what you say, it’s about how threateningly you can say it! And if that doesn’t work, hit them with your cane!”

(She then proceeded to go about her work and left me alone, but I couldn’t help but think what an entitled a** she was. And they call my generation “snowflakes.”)

Doesn’t Have Time To Talk About Time

, , , , , | Right | February 15, 2019

(My job has a couple of clients who are notorious for being difficult on the phone. This one client often makes demands we are unable to fulfill, and is rude and aggressive. On this day, he wants something done by the end of the day that takes two days minimum to be done.)

Me: “It is currently with one of our agents, sir. She needs to authorise it before I can—“

Client: “Right. Put her on the line, then.”

Me: “I can certainly put you through to her. May I put you on hold?”

Client: “No! I don’t want to be put on hold. I’m a very busy man! Just pass the phone to her.”

Me: “She’s actually in a separate office, but she has been waiting for your call. I have to put you on hold to be able to transfer the call to her.”

Client: “No, you don’t. You’re lying to me!”

Me: “I’m not lying, sir. I absolutely can put you through—“

Client: *at the top of his voice* “GO. AND. GET. HER. NOW!”

Me: “Sir, I can’t just leave the phone on my desk to do that. It’s against company procedure. In the time we’ve been talking, I could have put you through. If you would allow me to put you on hold–”

Client: “NO! I am a very busy man and I don’t have time. Get her to call me back in the next thirty minutes or I’ll sue your company!”

(The best bit? He called back fifteen minutes later saying no one had called and did the exact same thing to my colleague. He could have saved a lot of hassle.)

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