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The customer is NOT always right!

A Stony Silence Followed Hopefully By Stony Stares

, , , , | Right | February 8, 2023

On Tuesday, September 18, 2001 — exactly one week after the 9/11 attacks — I was in the packed food court of a local shopping mall on my lunch break. Starting at 11:30 am and repeating every five minutes until 12:00 pm, an announcement was made over the mall’s public address system that could be heard clearly over the racket of the crowd.

Announcement: “Please join us and participate in the national moment of silence at 12:00 pm to honor the memory of the victims of the 9/11 terrorist attacks.”

At that moment, the US population was still united in deep shock from the attacks and in mourning for its victims. So, at 12:00 pm, everyone in the food court actually stopped whatever they were doing and became silently contemplative for a minute — everyone except for That One Guy, whose voice carried throughout the food court.

That One Guy: “Yeah, I’ll have the number four combo with [soda #1] and the number three with [soda #2]. Do you take credit cards? Hey! Why’s it so quiet?”

There was a pause.

That One Guy:Hellooooo! Customer ordering here!”

Right then, everyone’s attention turned back to their own business and the noise level went up.

It will never cease to amaze me how oblivious people can be to their surroundings.

If It’s Not Actively Poisoning You, It’s “Friendly”, Right?

, , , , , | Right | February 8, 2023

I was writing a money-back webpage for a major “eco-friendly” household cleaner brand. The client was explaining their refund process.

Client: “If a consumer wants their money back, they have to visit our site where they’ll download a printable refund form. We’ll give them an address where they can send their completed form, along with the original receipt.”

Me: “Wouldn’t it be easier to have them submit the form online?”

Client: “Well, honestly, we don’t want to make the refund process easier. That would result in more refunds.”

Me: “Right. But we are a ‘green’ brand, right? Seems odd that an eco-responsible company is asking consumers to print out a paper form and then send it through snail mail.”

Client: “Well, we’ve done this before and nobody complained, so it should be fine.”

Poo-tine

, , , , , | Right | February 8, 2023

I used to own a restaurant, and when we first opened, we served poutine. For anyone who doesn’t know, this is fries with cheese curds melted over the top and then drowned in brown gravy. Personally, I don’t care for it.

As the owner, one night, I was called out to hear a customer complaint, and it truly was the oddest thing I heard in the many years I worked in the food industry, before and after.

Customer: “Your version of poutine is too nice! Real poutine should be filthy! Filthy! Filthy! Filthy!”

They couldn’t answer why I would want to serve filthy food.

Their Comprehension Of Speed Is Limited

, , , , , | Right | February 7, 2023

I’m a taxi driver. I pick up a young couple. As I start driving towards their destination, one of them says:

Passenger: “Last night, I drove with a really weird taxi driver.”

Me: “Oh? Why is that?”

Passenger: “I was going all the way to the end of [Road where pretty much nothing happens after 4:00 in the afternoon]. He drove 50 km/h all the way.”

Me: “But 50 km/h is the speed limit there?”

Passenger: “Yeah, but there was no one there.”

I’m sorry our drivers see the speed limit as an actual limit and not a suggestion, I guess?

You Won The Manager Lottery!

, , , | Right | February 7, 2023

One night, I was working as a cashier and they were training me to count the money in all the tills. I was going to be promoted to manager soon, but I didn’t have all the keys, etc. When our lottery scratch-off machine wasn’t working, an irate customer came up to me demanding that I fix it.

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but we’ll have to wait for the manager to come back from her lunch break. It’ll be another ten minutes or so.”

She didn’t like that, but she waited. I was trying to help customers in between, and she kept coming up to the counter and getting angry, the last time getting right in my face. I stepped back, and the look on my face must’ve shown because she started screaming at me for being rude.

My manager finally came back at that moment and the customer tried to tell on me for being rude. I was crying by this point.

Manager: “Ma’am, she would never be rude to a customer. Now, give me a moment to clock back in and I can help you.”

This prompted the customer to scream at HER.

Customer: “Oh, so you don’t want your job, either?!”

And she stormed out. Fun times.

That customer came back in several times after that, asking if I’d gotten in trouble yet. The same manager told her I had not and I would not get in trouble as I’d done nothing wrong. It was very satisfying to hear!