I have just started working at a restaurant. An elderly man is seated at one of my tables, one of my very first customers.

Me: “Hi, my name is [My Name] and I’ll be your waitress. Do you know what you’d like to—”

Customer: “Spaghetti.”

Me: “Okay, the spaghetti and meatballs, and would you like soup or salad with that?”

Customer: “No.”

Me: “Oh, uh, it’s included with your meal—”

Customer: “NO!”

Me: “Okay, no soup or salad, just spaghetti and meatballs, is that right?”

Customer: “Yes.”

Me: “Okay, I’ll go get that started for you.”

When his food is ready, I bring it out to him.

Customer: “What the h*** is this? Where’s my salad?”

Me: “Oh, uh, well, you said you didn’t want one—”

Customer: “You’re supposed to bring the salad first!”

Me: “Okay, uh, sorry, I’ll go get your salad. Did you want Caesar, or—”

Customer: “No! Regular salad!”

I go back into the kitchen and ask the person at the salad station to make me one. While I’m waiting, I mention to another waiter what happened.

Coworker: “Oh, yeah, he’s a regular. He always gets salad and spaghetti.”

Me: “He was pretty adamant about not wanting a soup or salad.”

Coworker: *Shrug* “Weird.” 

Once the salad’s ready, I bring it back out to him.

Customer: “You know, no one’s ever gotten this wrong before.”

He didn’t tip.

I work in a rather small coffee shop, but we have a pretty big menu. We have two menu boards: one for hot drinks and one for cold. I come back from break and a gentleman is looking at the hot drinks menu. Once he sees me take over for my coworker, he waves me over.

Customer: “At [Major Coffee Chain], they sell, like, a triple mocha something. Do you have anything close to that?”

I must have a confused look on my face, and before I can answer…

Customer: “You don’t even know what I’m talking about, do you? God. Just give me [Specialty Latte]. I guess that will have to do. NO ESPRESSO!”

Instead of ringing him up for a latte, I ring him up for a hot chocolate with an extra flavor, since it’s cheaper without the espresso. He pays and watches me make it, and when I hand it to him, he gives me a dirty look.

Customer: “Is this drink hot?”

Me: “Yes, sir, [Specialty] is a latte that we serve hot.”

Customer: “I wanted a frozen drink! That’s what they serve me at [Major Coffee Chain]. This is supposed to be frozen. Do you even know how to do your job?”

Me: “Sir, you asked for a latte. Lattes are served hot. I think you were thinking about a frappe.”

Customer: “Frappes have espresso in them! I DON’T WANT ESPRESSO. Make me a frozen [Specialty Latte] with NO ESPRESSO!”

Related:
Has No Problem Espresso-ing Himself

We’re on holiday in Austria, and as the weather is grey and rainy, we decide to hit a mall and do some shopping. My fiancé and I are in a clothing store, waiting to check out. In this store, there is only one queue, zigzagging through some impulse-item shelves, and whenever a register becomes available, the first person in line is called ahead.

The store is quite busy, and we’re standing just outside of the shelves with some people already forming a line between the regular aisles. Some middle-aged woman huffs at the younger woman with her.

Middle-Aged Woman: “I’m not going to wait in line!”

And she swiftly moves to the register near the exit of the row. She even calls the younger woman over.

Middle-Aged Woman: “This way, we’ll be able to leave her sooner and go on to the next store!”

Slightly embarrassed, the younger woman stays in the line.

Younger Woman: “I’m fine with waiting here.”

My fiancé, who is not one to speak out quickly and also doesn’t speak German very well, gets extremely irritated and keeps an eye on the lady. As I’m not a fan of confrontation either, I decide to wait until the cashier notices what the woman is trying to do.

As soon as the cashier finishes up her customer, the woman jumps up to the register and throws down some clothing to check out. Luckily, the cashier is very firm.

Cashier: “You will have to get in line if you want to buy these clothes.”

She turned around to rejoin the line, which had grown by four more people by now. The people around us were snickering when she sheepishly got behind the last person and waited her turn.

Related:
Not In Line And Out Of Line, Part 4
Not In Line And Out Of Line, Part 3
Not In Line And Out Of Line, Part 2
Not In Line And Out Of Line

In the late 1990s, I work in a popular body care shop during and after college. As a guy, I start off working back stock but eventually move onto the sales floor for more hours. My girlfriend works at the store joined to mine. I usually enjoy being the only guy on the payroll, and I think most of the customers enjoy that, too. MOST of them.

A group of high-school girls enters with boyfriends in tow.

Me: “Hi, everyone, welcome to [Store]. I’m filling shelves back here, but please let me know if you need anything.”

The girls shop for a while, asking questions from time to time. The boys leave to sit outside, clearly bored, but they come back in as I finish ringing out the girlfriends. One boy speaks to his girlfriend as they leave.

Boy: “Glad you’re done. I couldn’t stand watching that [slur] help you.”

Me: *Knowing my manager has my back* “I just got paid for twenty minutes of hanging out with your girlfriend while you sat outside, and now I’ll head back to the stockroom where my own girlfriend is taking her break. I think I came out ahead on this one.”

He did not seem to appreciate the comment, as his friends laughed him out the door.

I used to work at a small, family-owned scrub shop. Though we were the only shop in town, we had a great stock. Our return policy was very strict, and we could do it with a 10% restocking fee within thirty days or we could do a free exchange for a similar item. Occasionally, the owners would bend the rules if the customers talked to them, so my coworkers and I would often refer customers with problems to them. This was the strangest phone call I ever had regarding an exchange.

Me: “You’ve reached [Scrub Shop], [My Name] speaking. How may I help you?”

Customer: “Hello. I’d like to return some scrubs.”

Me: “Certainly. When did you purchase them?”

Customer: “November.”

It’s now January.

Me: “Unfortunately, ma’am, that falls outside our thirty-day window on returns, so I can’t do much for you, but if you call back tomorrow and ask for [Owner], maybe they can help.”

Customer: “Well, I really can’t wait. You see, I’ve just moved to a different state, and I need to mail my old scrubs back and get some new ones.”

Me: “Is there anything wrong with them?”

Customer: “Oh, no, they’re just the wrong color. You see, the hospital I used to work at required navy scrubs and the one I now work at requires grey scrubs.”

I start taking down notes for the owner.

Me: “So you’d need to ship them back? What brand and size are they?”

Customer: “Large [Brand].”

We do not carry that brand.

Me: “Ma’am, are you sure you meant to call [Store]? We have never carried [Brand].”

Customer: “Oh, I know. I got these online. I just want to exchange my old scrubs for new ones.”

Me: “Ma’am, I can’t take back scrubs we’ve never sold and just give you new ones for free.”

Customer: “Well, you just listen here now! I will send you my old scrubs and you will send me new ones in the proper color!”

Me: “We don’t ever carry the brand of the scrubs you’d be sending us. We couldn’t sell them. You’re welcome to discuss this with [Owner] tomorrow, but I can’t just send you free scrubs.”

Customer: “I will call [Owner] and I’ll complain about your attitude.” *Hangs up*

She really did call the owner the next day, and she was laughed off. Seriously, who tries to send a random product back to a store in hope of getting free items? Scammers are getting nuts!

Related:
Doesn’t Understand The Custom Part Of Customer, Part 20
Doesn’t Understand The Custom Part Of Customer, Part 19
Doesn’t Understand The Custom Part Of Customer, Part 18
Doesn’t Understand The Custom Part Of Customer, Part 17
Doesn’t Understand The Custom Part Of Customer, Part 16