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The customer is NOT always right!

A Delectable Roundup Of 17 Sweet And Tempting Stories About Cake!

| Right | December 8, 2023

Dear readers,

Some of our roundups are about special holidays that bring people together. Some are about particularly frustrating kinds of customers or the places that seem to attract them. And some of our roundups are about food. We’ve covered all sorts of tasty treats in our roundups: hamburgerscheese, chicken, French fries, garlic, soup, and more — even margaritas!

Today, we are digging into our archives with a fork and coming up covered in frosting. That’s right, people — it’s time for a cake roundup! Please enjoy these 17 delicious stories about cake!

Editor’s related sidebar: I just saw a post floating around the interwebs of a recipe where the author avoided using the word “moist” by describing their cake as “damp”. I can’t even. It’s just… SO much worse. Right?


Mammary Fallacy – They must’ve missed that day in elementary school when they learned about mammals versus reptiles.

Enabling A Generation – That’s what grandparents are for, right?

You Can’t Have Your Cake And Believe It Too – You could make an argument that cheesecake is really a pie, but it’s not this ambiguous!


Managers With A Spine… And Maybe A Whip

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I work in a deli. The owner is a good-looking woman with a stern mien. She treats her employees fairly and doesn’t take any guff from customers. 

After a few months, I notice that whenever a customer comes in and acts particularly jerkish, the owner takes them over to the side, speaks to them quietly, and then hands them a card. The customers always seem to go quiet when that happens.

One day, when we’re customer-free for a few minutes, I ask her about it. 

Owner: “I tell them that if they want to behave like a brat, I can help break them of it, but not for free.”

The cards she was handing out had her “other” business’s phone number. In evenings and on weekends, she was a dominatrix. When I got my income tax refund, I tried out her “services”, and she was worth every penny.

When Noisy, Nosy Neighbors Meet Relishing In Revenge

, , , , , , , , , , | Right | CREDIT: Zenmedic | December 8, 2023

When I first left home to go to university, my parents co-signed a mortgage for me on an apartment-style condominium in a small Canadian city. This was twenty years ago, so it came in at a whopping $52,000. They thought that this was a much better and more economical choice than trying to find an apartment and deal with landlords. I loved the idea and moved into my new home.

The building was almost entirely populated by the sixty-five-and-over crowd. It was small and only had twenty-four units split into halves. I had a basement condo. It was a nice place, nothing fancy, but amazing for a student. I was young (nineteen) but I was quiet, kept to myself, and didn’t do the whole party thing.

I got along with most of my neighbors, and I’d help them out by moving heavy things or carrying groceries upstairs. I was acutely aware of the age gap and the general image of a university student, so I made sure to be just an all-around great guy to avoid conflict.

The one person I could never see eye to eye with was my upstairs neighbor. For a seventy-year-old woman who couldn’t have weighed more than a hundred pounds, she walked like a d***ed elephant. She’d have gospel music on her TV at max volume at 5:00 am on Sundays, and she’d make remarks about “that d*** kid” whenever something was left out of place. She even went so far as to accuse me of breaking into her car and making a police statement saying she saw me do it. Unfortunately for her, I was out of the country on an internship at the time, but still she persisted in being a pain in my a**. I tried to approach her about the TV issue, and her response was to make sure that it was no longer just Sundays. After a couple of years of attempted diplomacy, it was clear that nothing I did would make things better.

Others in the building probably knew [Upstairs Neighbor] had it out for me, but why would this adorable little old lady try to lie and get me thrown out of the building by the condo board? (She tried at least eleven times while I lived there.)

Seven years into my time living there, I was at my job with an ambulance service just north of the city. I got called to a shooting; a guy shot his neighbor in a land dispute. The neighbor survived, but there was, of course, going to be a police investigation. The investigating officers called me to get a statement and offered to just come over to do it rather than have me travel. One of them was a constable I’d worked with quite a bit, so I said sure. We set a time for about an hour after I got home from work.

I was just getting out of the shower when they buzzed to get into the building. I hit the door buzzer, let them know I’d be ready in a second, and quickly grabbed some pants and a shirt. I heard them come in and then walk upstairs. As I was trying to throw on clothes, I heard them knock… on [Upstairs Neighbor]’s door. They introduced themselves as being from the RCMP [Royal Canadian Mounted Police] Major Crimes division and said they were looking for me.


Upstairs Neighbor: “Oh, he lives downstairs. What do you want with him?”

Constable: “Thank you. We can’t say why we want to speak with him; it’s an active investigation.”

My heart sank… but then, I had a thought.

It only took about fifteen minutes to do my statement, and they went on their way.

And then the fun began. I knew the rumour mill would be starting. [Upstairs Neighbor] would tell everyone who would listen that Major Crimes had been looking for me and that I must be some sort of criminal. I decided to see where this went.

Pretty soon, I was getting side-eye in the hallway and neighbors were steering clear of me, so I knew she’d been talking. Apparently, I’d been arrested for robbery and kidnapping and must be out on bail, according to [Upstairs Neighbor].

I found this out when one of my neighbors who was on the condo board showed up with a letter demanding an explanation and threats to have me kicked out. I asked him what this was all about.

Condo Board Neighbor: “[Upstairs Neighbor] sent us a letter about what happened, and we had to have an emergency board meeting because people don’t feel safe with you here.”

Me: “Per the by-laws of the condo board, before any action can be taken, I can request a meeting to review and provide a defense.”

[Upstairs Neighbor] was on the board, so I knew she’d be there. They set a date for a week from then, but I was given a caution that it didn’t look good for me and that I would have to do a lot of explaining.

The meeting day came. [Upstairs Neighbor] was sitting smugly looking at me, and the other board members were giving me dirty looks.

Board President: “What do you have to say in your defence?”

I stood and quietly distributed a letter on RCMP letterhead, signed by the regional superintendent.

Letter: “Mr. [My Name] is not under suspicion of any crimes, past or current, and has not been arrested, detained, or questioned as a suspect in any criminal matter. His duties as a paramedic will often require him to make statements with regard to ongoing investigations, and in this instance on [date], investigators went to obtain a statement about an ongoing investigation in which he was professionally involved. At no time did the members discuss, disclose, or in any way indicate that he had any involvement in any wrongdoings. I am deeply saddened by the necessity of this letter, and we will be reopening an investigation into a previous incident regarding false statements made against him.”

I could tell when people read and understood it. The dirty looks shifted from me to [Upstairs Neighbor].

Upstairs Neighbor: “This is a forgery! I witnessed [My Name] being led off in handcuffs! You have to believe me!”

It didn’t help her. I stood and addressed the board and outlined the years of abuse and harassment, including the false accusation of breaking into a vehicle.

Me: “On the advice of my lawyer, I will not discuss the matter further with any member of the board; [Upstairs Neighbor] being a part of the board and using her position for the purposes of harassment opens the board as a whole to litigation, and I am still weighing my options.”

The next day, I had a knock on my door.

Board President: “[Upstairs Neighbor] has been removed from the board. She has been given a warning about her conduct, and any further harassment could result in proceedings to have her removed from the building.”

She also had a visit from the police with a summons for providing a false statement and obstructing a peace officer. She had to attend court. She pled guilty to both charges, and she was given a suspended sentence and a one-year condition not to harass, threaten, or intentionally inconvenience me in any way. If she abided by her conditions, she would receive an absolute discharge (meaning it would be removed from her record, like it never happened).

I moved to another province before her year was up, but for a brief period of time, I actually got to sleep in on Sunday mornings.

Baby Flowers For His Baby Tantrum

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I am shopping in a small store. They are selling flower seeds to support a charity. To get these, you must ask at the till — no idea why. I am patiently waiting for the elderly man in front of me at the checkout.

Man: “I couldn’t find everything I was looking for. Could you help me?”

Cashier: “Sure thing! What were you looking for?”

Man: “Some of those flowers for the [Charity] effort.”

Cashier: “Oh, those are here at the till. How many bags did you want?”

The cashier holds up a bag.

Man: “Bags?! I wanted flowers!”

Cashier: “These are flower seeds: you plant them and flowers grow.”

Man: “This is bulls***! I’ve never heard of such a thing! You advertise flowers! Why won’t you give me g**d*** flowers?!”

The cashier starts calling the manager, but I interrupt.

Me: “Those are baby flowers, sir.”

The manager ended up coming over, but the man seemed to have finally caught on. He bought one bag and left. I heard he later got blacklisted from the store because of the way he shouted at that poor employee. Good riddance!

Comeuppance For This Bigot Is Only A Few Steps Away

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I was a telecom sales representative and worked closely with our support department to ensure any issues with our commercial customers were resolved properly. I had a particular customer who constantly told me that she liked working with us because we were all based in the USA and didn’t outsource our support or billing overseas.

We had a new hire in our support department who was an amazing tech. He was highly recommended by a local college we got a lot of employees from, and he came on board knowing more than some of our other techs from day one. His family was from Senegal, and although he had lived in the US for many years, he still had a trace of an accent. Of course, this customer of mine happened to get this tech on a call and immediately demanded to be transferred to me.

Customer:You lied to me! You said you’re in the US, but you’re not! You’re sending all your calls overseas!”

Me: “Uh… I can guarantee you that everyone is in one of our offices here on the East Coast. Who did you speak with?”

Customer: “Someone who claimed his name was Jeff! He was lying! He’s a foreigner, and you’re sending our business there! I want a copy of my contract so I can see when I can cancel with you, you liars!”

Me: “Okay. Hold on for me just one minute.”

I parked the call on hold, walked across the hall to our support department, and spoke with the tech in question. His name was indeed Jeff. I gently explained the situation and let him know what I was about to do, which got him to laugh. I picked up the call and put it on speakerphone.

Me: “Hello! I’m over here in support with Jeff! Say hello!”

Tech: “Hello! Is everything running properly now? All the tests from our end look fine, and your bandwidth looks great from here.”

The customer sputtered incoherently for a minute.

Customer: “What’s going on here?! Why are we on a three-way call?!”

Me: “Nope, I just walked across the hall, and now I’m standing next to Jeff. I just wanted to let him know you were following up on the closed ticket. Everything good now? Did you still want me to send a copy of your contract to review?”

Customer: “Ah… no. Everything’s fine. Goodbye.” *Click*

I wasn’t terribly upset when she didn’t renew her contract with us a year later.