The customer is NOT always right!

Tensions Are The Only Thing Getting High Here

, , , | Right | CREDIT: bongo52pilot | May 8, 2021

I had just retired after twenty-four years in the military. I was done being a boss and just wanted to work without stress. Little did I know that retail is a nightmare. I worked for one of those big box stores as a product service associate. We did resets of merchandise on shelves.

I happened to be on the window blinds aisle when a very irate man came up to me demanding help. I calmly asked him what was wrong since he had a box of blinds in his hands. He started screaming at me.

Customer: “One of your coworkers messed up my blinds, and you had better motherf****** fix it or I will kick your a**.”

Me: “Please calm down.”

Customer: “I’m going to drag you out of the store and kick your motherf****** a** if you don’t fix it right away.”

Being hardened by my years of military work and somewhat taller than the man, I leaned over and said:

Me: “You’d better call a few friends first.”

Luckily, a manager had heard the commotion and came around the corner. As the guy went off on the manager, the manager told me:

Manager: “They need help in gardening outside; go help.”

So, out I went to an area I knew nothing about. Sure enough, a young teenager came up and asked me where the Salvia Divinorum was. As he finished talking, his dad walked up and asked the same thing.

Me: “I’m sorry, I don’t know.”

Dad: “Why the h*** not? You work here, don’t you?”

Me: “I’m sorry. I actually work inside, but I’ll get someone for you.”

The employee I got was an agricultural specialist and he really knew his stuff.

Coworker: “What are you looking for?”

Dad: *Angrily* “My son is looking for Salvia Divinorum.”

Coworker: *With a huge grin* “We can’t sell that, sir. It is classified as a hallucinogenic by Mississippi and is illegal.”

All the garbage I’d taken in the last ten minutes was worth the death stare the dad gave his kid. Ah, divine Karma!

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Just Lawyered Yourself, Part 2

, , , , | Right | May 7, 2021

Me: “I agree that your TV is faulty, so please come over to the desk and we’ll arrange to get it repaired for you.”

Customer: “I don’t want it repaired; I want a refund.”

Me: “I’m sorry, but you purchased the item weeks ago and are outside of your fourteen-day return guarantee. We won’t offer a refund; instead, we’re offering to get it repaired free of charge for you.”

Customer: “You can’t do that! I know the law!”

Me: “Which law is that?”

Customer: “The Sales of Goods Act! It says that you have to give me a repair, replacement, or a refund!”

Me: “And the second half?”

Customer: “What?”

Me: “The second half of that law. It contains two sentences, and you only mentioned the first one. It continues, ‘…the choice of which to be offered is at the discretion of the retailer.’ It’s our legal right to attempt to repair it for you within a reasonable amount of time.”

Customer: “That’s not right!”

Me: “See for yourself.” 

I reach into a drawer and take out a laminated screenshot of the Sales of Goods Act taken from the government website, with the address cited at the top and the two relevant sentences in full, highlighted in two different colours to show that they’re part of the same paragraph.

Customer: “But I don’t want it repaired! I want a refund!”

Me: “You’ve had the TV for weeks; that’s well outside the return period, so we’re not offering a refund. We’re offering a free repair, instead.”

Customer: “I’m going to take this to your corporate!”

Me: “Fair enough. Here’s your TV back, and here are all of the details you’ll need so that the office can track your case, including that you spoke to me today. Just let me know when you’re ready to arrange your repair and we’ll get that sorted for you.”

Unsurprisingly, our corporate office was not fond of issuing full-price refunds for nine-plus-month-old electronic equipment, and I regularly kept an eye on the returns figures. 90% of complaining customers came back for their free repair significantly more polite than before, and the rest just disappeared with their broken equipment, never to be heard from again. Presumably, they either made empty threats or were too embarrassed to talk to me after being refused by my higher-ups.

Related:
Just Lawyered Yourself

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Now Listen Here, Sunshine…

, , , | Right | May 7, 2021

The florist is talking to a man that wants to know the price of the lemon trees. For some reason, this makes the woman next to them butt in.

Customer: “Are these lemon trees? Is the fruit gonna turn yellow or are they gonna be green?”

Florist: *Trying to be nice although she is cutting in line* “The fruit is going to turn yellow if you put it outside and if we have enough sun this summer.”

Customer: “So they are gonna turn yellow?”

Florist: “Yes, but they aren’t going to taste nice; they are decorative.”

Customer: “And these orange trees, do they also have to have sun?”

Florist: “Yes, they are just like the lemon trees and have to have sun in order to thrive.”

Customer: “How much do they grow?”

Florist: “Well, not that much; they grow really slowly.”

Customer: “And they have to have sun, both of them?”

Florist: “Yes.”

Customer: “And are the fruit on the orange tree gonna be green, as well, or are they gonna turn yellow like the lemons?”

Florist: “No, those are oranges and they are going to turn orange, if they get enough sunshine.”

Customer: “Sunshine… outside?”

Florist: “Yes.”

Customer: *Mumbling to herself* “Sunshine, they have to have sunshine.”

The woman then walked out of the flower shop and stood for several minutes just staring at the citrus trees, although I somehow doubt that she knew that they were both citrus trees.

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It Would Be Better Explained If You Lip-Synced It For Your Life

, , , , , , , , , , | Right | May 7, 2021

I am selling something online. I provide my Whatsapp number for messaging but I am surprised when I get a call from an American number claiming interest in my item.

Caller: “I figured since I will be in San Francisco this weekend I could just swing by and pick it up?”

Me: “That’s great, except I’m in London. Nothing in my ad says I’m in San Francisco.”

Caller: “So that’s like… what, East Bay?”

Me: “What? No… London. London, England.”

Caller: “So down near Mountain View?”

Me: “No! London. With the bridge. The Queen lives there.”

I hear someone else on the caller’s side speak up.

Person With Caller: “What’s going on?”

Caller: *Replying* “I don’t know. They’re saying they’re a queen in San Francisco.”

Person With Caller: “Drag queens, honey. They’re called drag queens in San Francisco.”

I wonder if there is a confused-looking woman now wandering the streets of San Francisco looking for a drag queen with a used toaster oven.

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Totally Estúpido! Part 19

, , , , , | Right | May 7, 2021

I work for a large national retail chain. Some of our PIN pads will swap into the Spanish language when asking for a PIN.

Customer: “It says, ‘Introduce tu PIN.’”

She pronounces this intentionally poorly.

Me: “Yes, we know; it’s a glitch where they switch into Spanish.”

Customer: “I’m not f****** Spanish!”

Me: *Seizing an opportunity to call her out* “No, but the two ladies behind you are; perhaps you can ask them for help.”

Related:
Totally Estúpido! Part 18
Totally Estúpido! Part 17
Totally Estúpido! Part 16
Totally Estúpido! Part 15
Totally Estúpido! Part 14

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