Delivery Comes Standard, Insolence Is Extra

, , , | Right | February 20, 2018

(The store I work for allows customers to order merchandise online in the store and have it delivered to the store or their home. I am cashiering and a customer enters.)

Customer: “I need to know if my keyboard has been delivered. I ordered it on Thursday.”

(I page the appropriate person — we have radios with earpieces — and they inform me.)

Me: “I am afraid it hasn’t, but will probably be in later today, since no deliveries were made yesterday because of Labor Day.”

Customer: *irate* “They said it would be here Friday! I need it today!”

Me: “I apologize for the misunderstanding. Packages sometimes take more than one day with delivery, and that since it was ordered Thursday, today is the second possible day it could arrive. It should be there this afternoon, at the latest.”

Customer: *huffy* “Well, that doesn’t help me now!

(She leaves. For the next two hours, the day progresses as usual and I kind of forget about it. Customers who get huffy because they don’t pay attention are nothing new. But then she comes back, slaps a receipt down on the table, and says:)

Customer: “I want my money back for this!”

Me: *smiles* “Absolutely.” *processes her refund* “It has been credited directly back to your credit card. Have a wonderful day!”

Customer: “Oh, I will, because I’m going to [Competitor] where they have the product and aren’t going to be insolent and rude about not getting it to me when they promised!”

Me: *squealing, my smile broadening* “That sounds fabulous!”

(Out she goes with a huff. I prepare to forget it again, when less than five minutes later I am paged via earpiece:)

Coworker: “Hey, that package for [Customer] arrived!”

Me: “Funny story about that!”

Don’t Discount The Customer’s Ability To Discount, Part 9

, , , , , | Right | February 20, 2018

(There is a beach volleyball tournament going on this weekend. My store manager is running a tent there and giving away coupons. Each person is really only supposed to have one of two: the one for 20% off for being at the tournament, or the other for 25% off, specifically for fitness trainers. There are two ladies in the store shopping together.)

Customer #1: “Hi, I got these coupons over at the tournament and I’d love to use both of them.”

Me: “Oh, okay! Huh, I thought my manager told me she was only handing out one kind. Are you a fitness trainer?

Customer #1: “Well, no… but I got them both.”

(I’m not sure if she lied to our manager, since it says right on the coupon, in large print, “For Fitness Trainers,” or if our manager was just feeling generous. It may be the latter, and none of us feel like arguing, since it is a laidback day, so I apply them both.)

Me: “Okay, here is your total, with both coupons applied.”

Customer #2: “Oh, wow! Look at that discount!” *to her friend* “You should definitely get that vest you wanted.”

Customer #1: “Yeah!

(She goes over to get a 30%-off vest she has had an eye on and adds it to the total. Since I’ve already applied the codes for the coupons, it takes the additional discounts off of the coat.)

Me: “Okay, this is your new total.”

Customer #2: *furrows her brow* “Huh, that still seems pretty expensive… and this is before the coupons for the jacket, right?”

Me: “Oh, no, the coupons are already added.”

(I show them on the screen what the new price of the jacket is.)

Customer #1: “No, that doesn’t seem right… This jacket was 30% off, right?”

Me: “Yes. It’s normally $100, then the 30% off makes it $70. With these additional coupons, the jacket goes down to $42, which is more than half off the original price.”

Customer #2: “But it should have taken off more than that. I don’t think you rang it right.”

Me: “Well, how about I take the coupons off, and then add them after I ring the jacket, to show you how much it takes off?”

Customer #2: “That’s a good idea.”

(I take off the coupon codes and ring the jacket again.)

Me: “Okay, this is the price it normally is, without the coupons: $70.”

([Customer #1 and #2] both nod in agreement.)

Me: “Okay, so, now I’m taking off the 25% coupon first. The jacket goes down to $52.50.”

Customer #2: “Okay.”

Me: “Now, I add the 20%-off coupon, which makes it go down to $42, like before.”

Customer #1: *sigh* “Well, that still doesn’t make sense. The jacket should have been 45% off with those coupons.”

(This happens quite often. Customers don’t realize that an additional percent off does not add onto the already marked percentage; it applies to the discounted price of the item. Isn’t math fun?)

Me: “Well, not exactly. It takes the 25% off of the $70 dollars, which makes it $52.50. Then, I take the 20% off of the $52.50, which makes it $42.”

([Customer #2] seems to get it, but her friend still looks lost, so she turns to her friend.)

Customer #2: “Y’know, that is still a pretty good price.”

Customer #1: “Yeah, I guess, but I’m still not willing to pay $42 for a vest. Never mind; just take it off.”

Me: *sigh* “All right, then. Sorry it doesn’t work out for you.”

(I take the jacket off and finish the transaction, thanking them for coming in and sending them on their way. The assistant manager, who has been watching the transaction from behind the counter, finally groans in annoyance.)

Manager: “Jeez, did they want us to give the jacket away?”

Don’t Discount The Customer’s Ability To Discount, Part 8
Don’t Discount The Customer’s Ability To Discount, Part 7
Don’t Discount The Customer’s Ability To Discount, Part 6

We Have No Space For Callers Like You

, , , , , , | Right | February 20, 2018

(I am working in a call center.)

Me: “Sir, that email address is [address]. They will be able to assist you from there.”

Customer: “Are there any spaces in that email? I want to make sure it goes through.”

Me: “No, sir. There are no spaces.”

Customer: “Great. I’ll send the email right now!”

(I take two more calls and the next one is the first caller again.)

Customer: “Yeah, some idiot told me there were spaces in an email, and it didn’t go through. I want to speak with your manager; this is unacceptable.”

Me: “Sir, you were speaking with me, and I told you there were no spaces.”

Customer: “I didn’t expect to get you again!” *click*

Need To Keep Watch On This One

, , , , , | Right | February 20, 2018

(I’m an assistant manager at a well-known retailer for young girls. It’s back-to-school time, which generally attracts some less-than-stellar customers. A woman in her 40s or 50s approaches me at the cash register, holding a watch we sell.)

Customer: “Excuse me. Is this a watch?”

Me: *confused* “Yes, ma’am, it is.”

Customer: “But is it, like, a real watch?”

Me: “Yes, ma’am, it is a real watch.”

Customer: “So, it works? Like, it tells time and everything?”

Me: “Yes, ma’am. It’s a watch. It tells time. Like a clock, but smaller.”

Customer: “Okay! Thank you!”

Me: *turns to an associate* “Did that just happen?”

That’s His Normal And He’s Sticking To It

, , , | Right | February 20, 2018

(I’m sitting in the library near the main desk reading a book when a 30- to 40-year-old man enters the library, walks up to the desk, and has the following interaction with a librarian.)

Patron: “Hi, I’d like to get a new library card. I think I had one, but it’s been a while since I used it.”

Librarian: “Sure. What’s your name?”

(The patron gives his name and the librarian looks him up in the system. While he’s waiting, he starts to take stickers from the basket that is set out for kids. He then begins to stick them on his face at random.)

Patron: *in a serious tone, after adding a second sticker along his jawbone* “I’m going to put some stickers on my face.”

(The librarian looks up at him, a bit surprised, but doesn’t say anything.)

Patron: “I have to cover up the bite marks” *he leans over the desk, sticking his face out for inspection* “See the marks? That’s where my dog bit me.”

Librarian: *seems a bit startled, but carries on as if this is normal* “Wow, um… That’s too bad. So, you do have an account, and you can get a new card for $5, or I can just give you the number to use the computer.”

(The patron took the number and walked off to the computers with multiple children’s stickers still stuck to his face.)

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