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The customer is NOT always right!

That Was Their Last Slip Up

, , , , , | Right | May 16, 2022

A customer orders during an unexpected blizzard. They are regulars that always try to underpay with change, so therefore never tip. They also don’t really have a driveway to speak of. I mean, if you want to count two slightly worn grass tire tracks as a ‘driveway’ then I guess they had one. They also lived up a steep hill.

Of course, this particular night, I get their order and go to take it out to them. I try to drive partially up the hill but it’s really slippery so that doesn’t work. I get their two pizzas and two-liter soda out of the car and start walking. I make it three steps past the front of my car when I lose my footing and fall. I manage somehow not to drop the pizza or soda, and try and stand up and hear howls of laughter!

The kids are laughing their heads off!

I can’t put any weight on my ankle, so I’m trying to get their attention, but they just keep laughing. Finally, a parent comes out, and asks:

Customer: “Do you plan on completing the delivery?”

Me: “I think I hurt my ankle.”

The parent starts laughing too! Eventually, they come down, don’t tip per usual, and leave me to drive a stick shift in a blizzard with what turned out to be a very badly sprained ankle. 

The joke ended up on them in the end, because we instituted a “must have accessible driveway” option and no more pizza for them.

He Didn’t Weigh His Comments Carefully

, , , , , | Right | May 16, 2022

I work in a bookstore. Usual day at work at first, some busy times, some slow. It’s during a slow time that a customer walks in, looks at me for an uncomfortably long time and comes over:

Customer: “You’re too fat, you should do something about that. I hate seeing fat people. Some of us actually take care of ourselves.”

I am fat, but it’s largely due to being physically disabled and on a load of meds that cause weight gain.

Me: “Did you want a book or just to say that to a complete stranger?”

Customer: “I did want a book, but I refuse to give money to fat slobs. It’s a bad company image for lazy people to be visible. Some of us work hard to be healthy.”

Me: “Okay, if you’re just here to insult me I’m going to ask you to leave”

Customer: “Not till you promise to take better care of your health. Come on, just a quick jog!”

Me: “Get. Out. Now”

Customer: “Oh, what you gonna do? Finally get off your chair and throw me out? Most movement you’ve ever done.”

Me: “No, gonna radio the security for the shopping centre.”

I pick up the radio and this guy flees immediately. I still called them and they promised to find him and ban him. Haven’t seen him since so guess it worked.

Just Call Me Jon Snow

, , , , | Right | CREDIT: patrickseastarslegs | May 16, 2022

Where I work, I deal in phone and Wi-Fi plans. A couple of days ago, a guy came in asking for a number to be ported to his SIM card.

Me: “What’s the number?”

Customer: “It’s my mom’s. I’ll go get her.”

He came back and his mother gave me her number to port. Turns out it was ported already.

We have different SIM cards; red is top up and blue is bill pay. She had a red. Now the fun began.

Mother: “So, if I call him, it can show up with my number?”

I nod and check her credit. It’s at zero with no top-up plans on. I explain this and she snaps.

Mother: “Um, no? It’s on a bill. This is a bill. The person I talked to online sent me this.”

Me: “Then they sent you the wrong one. That’s to top up. Want me to top it up?”

Mother: “Get me someone else. You know nothing. You clearly know nothing!”

Me: “There’s nobody else here, but I know that that isn’t for a bill.”

Mother: “I want to talk to someone else. I don’t care that nobody else is here. Make them be here because you’re incompetent. You gave me the wrong thing!”

Me: “Sorry, but I am the only. One. Here. We didn’t give you the wrong thing. You’ll have to call the helpline or talk to someone online because I can’t do anything else for you.”

She simply scoffed and stormed out.

A Bad Client In So Many Ways You Could Write A Book

, , , , , , , | Right | May 16, 2022

I am contacted by a potential new client looking to rebrand their book series. It sounds like a great project, plus the client is actually a small publisher rather than the indie author and that’s always nice to add to a resumé, so I take the job.

The actual design process goes well. I get the proofs done quickly, get them approved easily, and start polishing up the final design.

This is where the trouble starts. First, the breaks between responses get longer and longer. I can’t get answers to questions or approval for drafts for up to two weeks at a time.

Then, I suddenly get a response from a new person who says they’re taking over for my original contact. Okay, cool. I don’t need to know the inner workings of their company.

The new person is even worse about responding in time but puts it off on the author, saying that they’re waiting to hear back from the author about some details about color and image choices. At this point, I’ve filed this client away as “not the best, but I’m loving the project, so whatever.”

At one point, I don’t hear from them for eight weeks. My follow-up email goes unanswered. My second follow-up email also goes unanswered.

Finally, they reply with a one-sentence approval. I finish the project and send the final proof and an invoice. This is at the end of September. October passes. November passes. December arrives. I send a final follow-up and then decide to heck with it. They have my information, and they don’t have the files, so I’m going to enjoy my holidays in peace.

Come January, I decide to do a little investigating (just making sure they haven’t tried to use one of the watermarked proofs as an actual cover) and find that the domain for the company is no longer active. Their email addresses are linked to that domain, so now I’m concerned that no one has even been receiving my emails.

The company is an imprint of a larger publishing house, which lists my first contact as one of their staff members, so I reach out to her through an alternate email.

Two days later, I get an email from the marketing department coordinator of the imprint, very condescendingly informing me that she’s the person I should be speaking with and sending my invoices to.

Cool. Fine. I’ve never heard of you before in my life and you are neither of the people I’ve interacted with but… fine. Here’s your invoice and the final proof again. Approve it, pay me, and I’ll send you your files.

I finally get paid and I send the files.

Two weeks later, I get another email from my original contact… asking for the files. Insert banging head on wall here. Apparently, no one at this company talks to anyone else.

They need an e-book and paperback. We’ve discussed this, and I sent a JPG of the front cover for the e-book and a PDF of the full cover for the paperback. But there are different print-on-demand (POD) services, and I now learn that they need files for two different ones. This was not previously agreed on, but it’s a pretty simple matter of just inserting the design into a different print template, so I just do it and don’t argue.

Then, they tell me, “Oh, sorry, when we said we wanted [POD company #2], we actually meant its subsidiary company, [POD company #3].”

They use exactly the same templates because they use the same physical machines but okay, here is the same file; it just now has [POD company #3]’s logo on it, instead.

The client complains that they don’t want a version that has all the “extra” bleed room and markings that the template uses, and I explain that this is how [POD #2 and #3] require their files to be submitted. At this point, they have four different files, three of which are full paperback covers; one of them should work.

I hear nothing for almost two months.

At 2:00 am one night, I get an email that says, “I don’t want to be a pain, but you’ve given us PDF versions in the past. Can we please get that for this project? This is how we’ve always submitted our files and we want to keep doing it this way.”

…the files you have are PDFs! The original file without the large template I sent was a PDF!

This is the first time I’ve ever worked with your company. I don’t think anyone cares how you’ve “always” done it. If you don’t submit the files correctly, they won’t accept them. Period. But you have all the potentially workable files you might need. This is no longer my problem.

I send an email saying, “Dear Client: On [date], I sent you a PDF of the cover without any excess bleed or margins. If [POD #3] is going to accept the files that way, they should accept that one, as it’s the exact same thing as what’s on the proper templates, just without the appropriate layout.”

That was three weeks ago. I have not heard back from them. They wanted me to do this author’s entire series, but after this escapade, I am firing them as a client and will not be working with them again. Even if I charged twice my rates, it’s not worth it.

Get Her To Her Best Friend’s Wedding On Time

, , , , | Right | May 16, 2022

It is the nineties. I work at a movie theater with sixteen screens. An elderly woman approaches me.

Woman: “What time is the movie?”

Me: “That depends. Which movie are you looking for?”

Woman: “You know, the movie! The movie!”

Me: “Um…”

Woman: “The movie with Judy.”

I don’t remember the rest of our conversation, but eventually, I figured out that the movie she was referring to was “My Best Friend’s Wedding.” “Judy” was Julia Roberts.