One And One Makes Huh?

, , , | Right | November 20, 2019

Customer: “I want a large iced coffee.”

Me: “Okay, would you like cream or sugar in that? We usually do one-and-one.”

Customer: “Okay.”

Me: “So, one-and-one is all right?”

Customer: “One-and-one what?”

Me: “Er… cream and sugar.”

Customer: “For what?”

Me: “Um… for your iced coffee.”

Customer: “Okay.”

Me: *facepalm* “Okay, that will be [total] at the window, thank you.”

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Other Pets and Other Animals Roundup

| Right | November 20, 2019

We had a roundup about cats and another roundup about dogs.  There are many other kinds of pets and animal friends, so we present some favorite stories about these other beings we hold dear.


Ferreting Around For Some Good Parenting – It’s nice to find people who understand.

The Hard-Ball Explanation – Sometimes you have to just be explicit.

A Little Bird Told Me This Customer Is An A** – Never let this guy adopt anything again ever anywhere.

Hold Your Horses! – Fire the coworker and hire the horses.

Your Knowledge Has Run A’Foal – Unicorns aren’t real either, lady.

Polly Want A Manner, Part 2 – Pets can be a surprise a minute.

Snakes Like To Vegetate After A Meal – Rude AND ignorant.

Dodo Brained – Someone make this person be extinct.

His Story Isn’t Rat-ified – Everyone wants a pet squiracooncat.

As Sick As A Parrot – Say what?

Don’t Have A Cow, Man – This is not how you adopt… anything.


Do you have a good story about your favorite pet or an encounter with an animal that’s left a lasting impression on you?  Tell us all about it!  Even better, submit the story so we can have more animal roundups next year.

So Embarrassed You Could Just Dye

, , , | Right | November 20, 2019

(I’m a retail worker who works the counter at the gaming and entertainment area of a major Australian retailer. One quiet Sunday, a young couple approaches my desk with a video game box — we keep all discs locked in drawers behind the counter — and I approach them to serve.)

Me: “Hi, guys, how can I help you today?”

(The male customer holds out the game case, going oddly silent.)

Me: “Just this one?”

Male Customer: “Yes, thanks.”

Me: “No worries, guys; won’t be a minute.”

(As I head to the back of my counter to get the game for them, they start their conversation back up whispering quickly and quietly behind my back. After retrieving the game, I head back to the counter and they fall silent again. I start to ring them up.)

Male Customer: “Hey, mate, can we buy this stuff here, too?” *holds up a basket full of small items*

Me: “Of course!”

(As our store has a policy that customers can be served at any register regardless of what they’re buying, I begin to scan the rest of their items, all the while the customers are whispering furiously between them. Suddenly, the male customer turns quickly and looks me dead in the eye.)

Male Customer: “Hey, buddy, can this—” *holds up hair dye* “—be used on pubic hair?”

(The female customer turns beet red, whimpers, and begins to walk quickly away.) 


Me: “Uh… I’m sorry, but that’s not really something that I have any knowledge about; perhaps the girls in cosmetics can help you out.”

(Minutes later, the couple walked back past my desk, the girl still clearly embarrassed. The guy, looking excited, grabbed the hair dye out of the bag and held it up for me to see, enthusiastically giving a thumbs up. The nine or so customers at my desk who had witnessed the conversation before all promptly burst out laughing while the guy walked off waving.)

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Trolley Folly

, , , | Right | November 20, 2019

(We have ordinary trolleys as well as flat-bed trolleys for large items. The flat-beds are supposed to be pulled along as the steering is in the back wheels. We tell customers this when we see them struggling. On this day, my coworker notices a lady heading out of the store having a lot of trouble pushing her flat-bed trolley.)

Coworker: *with a smile* “Those trolleys are a lot easier to pull along behind you, ma’am. The steering is in the back wheels. You’ll find it easier if you spin it around.”

Customer: “No! The customer is always right! I’m so sick of people telling me how to push my bloody trolley!”

(My coworker had not had any previous interactions with this customer, so her outburst was completely out of the blue!)

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Cinco De Nono 

, , , , , | Right | November 20, 2019

(On Cinco de Mayo, we naturally receive a lot of customers; mysteriously, most of them tend to be obviously not of Hispanic descent. This occurs about two hours into what turns out to be a six-hour constant string of customers, what we term a “rush.” A customer rolls into the drive-thru and the order proceeds normally. At the end, she wishes me a happy Cinco de Mayo. I am not Hispanic but I politely respond as that is what is expected. The next occurs when we finally manage to get them to the window after everyone in front of them has gotten their food.)

Me: “Hello, your total is—”

Customer: *handing over money* “Happy Cinco de Mayo. You didn’t respond like you should.”

(I give back change and ask if they want sauce.)  

Me: “Ma’am, Cinco de Mayo is a Mexican Holiday; all my ancestors are European. I honestly have no reason to celebrate it.”

Customer: “But you should! I mean, it was important to the outcome of the American Civil War!”

(My face is very screwed up as history has always been something I love.)

Me: “Ma’am, Cinco de Mayo was just the date of an important battle in the Mexican war for independence.”

Customer: “Yeah, it helped win the battle of Gettysburg.”

Me: “No, ma’am, it did not.”

Customer: “Yes, it did, and you’re wrong; when I get home I’m checking Wikipedia to prove it.”

Me: “Ma’am, you do know that anyone can edit Wikipedia and put whatever they want on it, regardless of its authenticity.”

Customer: “No, they can’t!”  

(At this point, we had her food, so I handed it out and she left.)

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