The Terrible Extra Twos

, , , , , | Right | July 3, 2020

I work in a restaurant. Restrictions for social distancing have slowly started lifting and, as a result, we’re allowed to have up to ten people dining in. The phone rings and I answer it.

Me: “Hi, how can I help you today?”

Customer: “I’d like to make a reservation, please.”

Me: “Certainly, for how many people?”

Customer: “Twelve.”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but due to current government restrictions, we’re allowed no more than ten people dining in at any time.”

Customer: “Look, just let us in. It’ll be fine; it’s not like you’ll be caught by the cops.”

Me: “Sir, we have police officers come in quite regularly, and even if we didn’t, we still aren’t allowed more than ten people as per government restrictions.”

Customer: “Nah, it’s fine. We’ll just come and eat in; the fine is basically pocket change, anyway.”

Me: “Sir, the fine is $1600 and we aren’t going to break the rules just so you can eat out.”

Customer: “Look. Just put the reservation down for ten, and when we turn up, just tack two extra chairs on. It’ll be fine.”

Me: “Sorry I couldn’t help you today, sir.”

I hung up on him.

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Buffalo, Elk, And Bears, Oh, My!

, , , , , | Right | July 3, 2020

I work at a predator habitat center. These are questions for the facility tour leader from two very different guests.

[Guest #1] is a five-year-old girl.

Guest #1: “If I were to meet a gwizzley beah, what would be my best stwategy?”

Our tour leader experiences a renewed hope for humanity. [Guest #2] is a middle-aged woman.

Guest #2: “At what elevation do elk turn into buffalo?”

Our tour leader decided that she simply was not paid enough to have any desire to continue working.

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Hilarious Bad Customer Stories From Every State: Pennsylvania – Wyoming

| Right | July 3, 2020

Dear readers,

For our readers from the United States, we are approaching that loud and delicious holiday known as July 4th. To celebrate, Not Always Right is dusting off the archives to find a couple of stories from each and every US state, to give all our readers a brief but entertaining tour of The Great States Of Not Always Right!

Today: Pennsylvania – Wyoming!

 

Pennsylvania:

2-Dense – You’re already wearing them, buddy. You’re already wearing them.

Dog On Demand – Dude, it’s a dog, not a washing machine.

(more…)

Khakis: The Uniform Of America

, , , | Right | July 3, 2020

I work as a manager in a grocery store, where members of management wear polo shirts. We have three different colors to choose from: red, royal blue, and navy. On this occasion, I was wearing my red shirt. 

We had been having some issues with our phones, so I walked to the [Office Supply Chain] in the same plaza as my store with the phone that was broken and quickly grabbed a replacement.

As I was heading back to the registers to make my exchange, I was stopped by a customer asking for the location of flash drives. I must have looked baffled, because he repeated his question, at which point I glanced down at my shirt where my store name and job title were embroidered.

I looked back at the customer, looked back at my shirt, and then back at the customer once more, hoping he would clue in. It wasn’t until he asked a third time that I finally explained that I worked in the grocery store, and his wife and son started cracking up.

Beware of khakis and polos; in certain combinations, you become a customer magnet.

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We Didn’t Know The Library Had A Back Room

, , , , | Right | July 3, 2020

I work in a library. One of our regular patrons, an older woman who comes in frequently to check out movies, comes in with a man I’ve never seen before. They select several DVDs and bring them to the desk to check out.

Me: “Oh, you’ve got four new releases here; the limit on those is three at a time. You’ll need to pick one to put back.”

Woman: “Oops!” *To the man* “Okay, which of these do you want to see more?”

Man: “I don’t want to see any of ’em!”

Woman: “Well, what kind of movies do you like, anyway?”

Man: “Sex movies!” *To me* “What kind of sex movies you got around here?”

Me: *Speechless*

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