Should Have Checked

, , , | Right | August 18, 2017

(A vendor had requested a rush check cut and sent overnight. The check hasn’t arrived and he calls me, clearly looking for a fight.)

Vendor: *on the phone* “We never received the check today. We specifically requested the check be rushed and sent overnight so we would receive it by Thursday! I don’t know what you do sitting at that desk all day! Did you even cut the check?”

Me: *ignoring that and using my cheery customer service voice* “Let me look up the tracking number. Okay, it says your package is at the facility that had the shooting yesterday.”

(The San Francisco UPS facility had an employee shoot and kill three people and himself.)

Me: “It’s been delayed one day.”

Vendor: *silence*

Me: “So, it looks like we got that sorted. Is there anything else I can help you with?”

(The kicker is he had the tracking number. He could have looked up and seen the reason without looking like an a**.)

Literally A Flammable Situation

, , , , , | Right | August 18, 2017

(Back in 1996, working an afternoon at the popular local convenience store with gas pumps. Gas is about $1.25 a gallon. Multiple cars at the pumps, a line of customers waiting inside at the register to pay. A little old lady comes up…)

Old Lady: “What do I owe on pump four?”

Me: *checking the pump total* “$13.96.”

Old Lady: “That doesn’t sounds right. Please make sure you’re looking at the right pump. Number four.”

Me: *checking again* “Huh, that’s weird. It’s $14.67, now.”

(My manager is organizing the shelves nearby and gives me a weird look.)

Old Lady: “That can’t be right; my tank has a hole in it and can only hold about $8 dollars of gas.”

(My manager, a 4’11” woman, LEAPS over the service counter, palming the emergency pump shutoff, races to the aisle with cat food, shoots out the front door with a bag of kitty litter, shouting “Call the fire department!” at me and “GET AWAY FROM THE PUMPS” to everyone outside.)

Old Lady: “So, will $8 be enough?”

Can’t Admit To Their Mis-Steak

, , , | Right | August 18, 2017

(Our bar is one of three bars, two restaurants, and a cafe in the same complex. Any advertising for food deals has the name of the bar very clearly displayed and is displayed outside the outlet it corresponds to. The customer in this story has just ordered two steak meals off me. Our bar only has t-bone steaks so it’s not uncommon for customers who want a t-bone to just ask for steak.)

Me: “Okay, so that’s two t-bone steaks, cooked med and med-rare. You’re total is $49.”

(The customer hands me a $50 note.)

Me: “Thanks. Here is your $1 change and your table number.”

(The customer takes the table number and change, reaches over the bar, and snatches their receipt off the printer. He then walks away, shows the receipt to his wife, and then walks back to the bar and interrupts me serving the next customer.)

Customer: “You gave me the wrong change.”

Me: “Umm, no. I gave you a $1 change from a $50 note for a $49 meal.”

Customer: “The steaks are only $16.50 each.”

Me: “No, sorry, if you look at the menu in front of you, our t-bone steak is $24.50.”

Customer: “I know what I’m talking about. I didn’t order a t-bone. I ordered the steak. The sign outside says you have a steak special for $16.50. Stop trying to rip me off and give me my change.”

Me: “We don’t have a steak special in this bar. [Other Bar] next door, on the other hand, has a steak special. I’ll give you a refund and you can go next door and order from them.”

Customer: “Well, that’s what I wanted and I ordered here, so give me the change and give me that meal.”

Me: “I can’t. It’s a different bar.”

Customer: “Well, how the f*** am I meant to know that?!”

Customer He Interrupted: “Because it says it on the sign. Now take your refund and leave.”

If There’s No Sale On, Make One!

, , , , | Right | August 18, 2017

(I work at a relatively small car dealership as a receptionist. This takes place at about 10 in the morning. There is only one salesman in due to medical reasons with another. The present salesman is out on the lot when a customer walks in.)

Me: “Hi there! Do you need a hand with anything?”

Customer: “I was looking at the [SUV #1] and [SUV #2] on the lot. They look very similar; what is the difference?”

Me: “I know that [SUV #1] is larger than [SUV #2] but not by much since the recent re-modeling on [SUV #2]. But let me find a salesperson for you and he’ll be able explain.”

(I page for a salesman to come to the showroom and continue talking to the customer while she waits. Meanwhile the customer has gotten into the [SUV #1] on display. As we are chatting two older gentlemen, who drive to pick up vehicles from other cities for us, walk up.)

Customer: “Hi, my name is [Customer]. Have you seen this beautiful SUV over here? It’s one of the nicest vehicles we have.”

(The customer continues to give a joking “sales pitch” to the gentlemen. I am relieved that she is not upset by the absence of a salesman. The gentlemen look confused at first, as they are in often and haven’t seen her, but soon catch on and laugh with her. Then the manager walks in, and the customer approaches him.)

Customer: “Hi, welcome to [Dealership]. I’m [Customer]. Have you seen the great sale we have on right now?”

Me: “[Manager], This is [Customer]. She is our newest sales person.”

(This manager is not directly in charge of hiring so this could be possible, but not likely as he is always consulted or informed.)

Manager: *very uncertain* “Noo… you’re not…”

(The two gentleman from earlier laugh and I introduce her as a customer. The manager speaks with her until the salesman arrives. The customer realizes who he is and greets him.)

Customer: “Hi there! I’m [Customer] from… Where am I?”

(I answer and she continues.)

Customer: “You will never see deals like this. Right now we have the [Sale Event] on. You can also get 0% financing on certain models…”

(She continued while I stood to the side, laughing. The salesman also started laughing as she continued for a while. I was impressed with her knowledge of our products!)

Customer Has Daddy Issues On Your Behalf

, , , , | Right | August 18, 2017

(I work at a low cost retailer on the weekends to make some extra cash. The weekend before Father’s Day, my manager approaches me while I restock some shelves.)

Manager: “Can you work next weekend?”

Me: “Yes. Why?”

Manager: “Thank God! I’m having problems finding people willing to work on Father’s Day.”

(Before I can say anything, an older customer who is standing a few feet away speaks up.)

Customer: “You want to work on Father’s Day? How could you! Don’t you love your father? Don’t you want to spend time with him? What kind of daughter are you? Don’t want to see your own your father on Father’s Day?!”

Manager: *turns to Customer* “I’m sorry, ma’am—”

Customer: *turns her wrath towards the manager* “And you! How could you ask this poor young woman to work on the day made to celebrate her father?!”

(My manager looks flummoxed for a moment, so I jump in.)

Me: “Ma’am? My father has been dead for ten years, and really, he was an a**-hole when he was alive. I don’t think he really cares what I do on Father’s Day.”

(The customer stops and stares at me, her mouth agape. Then she turns and hurries away. I glance at my manager, sure I’m about to get yelled at for cursing at a customer, but am surprised to see him grinning ear to ear.)

Manager: “So… still available to work next weekend?”

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