Sadly, Their Sense Of Entitlement Is Never Sold Out

, , , , | Right | January 22, 2020

(I work at a movie theater during college. It is a great job: all the popcorn I can eat, free movies for my wife and me, great coworkers, and generally happy people as customers. But there is one regular customer who is always angry about something and complains constantly. She ALWAYS complains about the food prices, insists that we have food deals that don’t exist, and complains about too little butter on her popcorn or too much ice in her soda. She has also registered multiple loyalty cards with different birth months to scam free birthday tickets, as if we don’t recognize that she’s the same lady who comes to the movies every week and just had a free “birthday” movie a few weeks ago. Anyway, this event happens on a very busy Friday night when a popular movie opens and I am selling tickets at the box office.)

Me: *recognizing Angry Lady and bracing myself for the interaction* “Hi, welcome to [Movie Theater Chain].”

Angry Lady: “One for [Popular Movie] at [about 7:00 pm, the most popular time of day to see a movie].”

(She has completely ignored the large sign directly in front of my register and two feet from her face announcing that the show she wants is sold out.)

Me: *using my politest customer service voice while relishing that I can finally get back at her a little bit for the multiple times she has yelled at me for ridiculous reasons* “I’m sorry, that show is sold out.”

Angry Lady:What?! But I want to see it!”

Me: “I don’t know what to tell you; it sold out more than half an hour ago.”

Angry Lady: “That’s ridiculous! I want to go to [Popular Movie]!”

Me: “Again, that show is sold out. Would you like to go to the 9:30 pm show?”

Angry Lady: “No, that’s too late! I want to go to the one right now!”

Me: “I’m sorry, there are literally no seats left in the theater; it is full.”

Angry Lady: “I don’t care. I come here every week and I want to go to the show right now!

(I finally let her have it, as the line behind her was already 20 people deep and has been building the whole time she’s been yelling at me while my coworker on the till next to me is working as fast as she can.)

Me: “Ma’am, you showed up to one of the biggest movies of the summer, on opening night, five minutes before the movie started. Of course, it’s sold out! Come back for the later show or sometime tomorrow; the show right now is sold out!”

Angry Lady: *jaw dropping and sputtering* “I can’t believe this. I want to talk to your manager!”

Me: *pointing toward the concession stand where my stressed-out manager is helping fill food and drink orders for the backed- up lines* “He’s right over there, wearing the suit jacket. Please go tell him you’re angry that I won’t sell you a ticket to a sold-out theater!”

(Someone in the line actually applauded, which started a wave of applause and laughing from the whole line. The angry lady somehow managed to look even more angry and turned around to glare at the people laughing at her in line, which just made them laugh harder and clap some more. She stalked over to the concession stand to yell at the manager, but, having heard the exchange, he made her wait ten minutes until the concession lines died down before he talked to her. My manager had been working at this theater for many years, and had been dealing with this regular for most of that time, first as a floor worker and then as a manager. He told her the same thing I had about the sold-out show and refused to give in to her demand for a free ticket to a different showing. When she complained about how rudely I had spoken to her, he promised to speak with me about it, which consisted of him coming over to high-five me and trying not to laugh while saying, “C’mon, man, please try to be a little nicer to customers.”)

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This Is A Holdup!

, , | Right | January 22, 2020

(I work for a major cell phone provider in the US as a customer service agent in a call center. Throughout my time working for this company I have had some major crazies call in and demand things for the craziest reasons. This one is my favorite.)

Me: “Thank you for calling. This is [My Name]. Can I have your name, please?”

Customer: “It’s [Customer] and I have been on hold for over an hour!”

(Today is actually a rather slow day, and I have had some time between calls, so the guy is clearly full of it.)

Me: “I am sorry about that, sir. We can’t predict the amount of call volume that we are going to have.”

Customer: “I don’t care; I demand compensation for the time I wasted on hold!”

Me: “Sir, that is not a valid reason to credit an account, but at the end of the call, I will see what I can do for you. What is the reason for your call today?”

Customer: “TO GET MY CREDIT!”

Me: “Were you supposed to get a credit from a rep and it never showed up?”

Customer: “NO! ARE YOU DEAF? I WANT MY CREDIT FOR WAITING ON HOLD!”

Me: “Wait. You are saying you called in and waited on hold to get credit… for waiting on hold?

Customer: YES!”

Me: *face-desk*

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Wishing You Many Bad Returns  

, , , , | Right | January 22, 2020

(One evening, shortly after Black Friday, I am called to the customer service desk to speak with a customer. I am a woman, 5’6″ and barely 115 pounds. This man is over six feet tall and easily 200 pounds. We make eye contact and I smile at him. He glares.)

Me: “Hello, sir. You—”

Customer: “You the boss?”

Me: “Yes, sir, I am. How can I—”

Customer: “I’ve been waiting half a f****** hour for you.”

Me: *knowing he’s been standing there for maybe five minutes* “I apologize for the inconvenience. How can—”

Customer: “This lady over here disrespected me.” *points to our customer service rep*

Me: “Would you like to tell me what happened?”

Customer: “She disrespectful.”

Me: “Was it something she said or did or was—”

Customer: “She told me I can’t get my money back, said I did it too many times!”

Me: “Oh, I see. When a customer does three non-receipt returns within a rolling six months—”

Customer: “I don’t give a flying f*** what your system says. I want my money back.”

Me: *getting very annoyed* “Sir, I am trying to help you. I can overri—”

Customer: “No, you’re telling me why she’s right! Don’t talk to me like a [disabled slur].”

Me: “The system blocks returns when you do too many in a—”

Customer: “Nah, I didn’t—”

Me: “Six-month period. Now, I can—”

Customer: “Don’t talk over me! You interrupting and I’m trying to talk to you!” *steps in, a few inches from me, and jabs his finger in my chest* “You’re all disrespectful—”

Me: “Actually, I was talking first, so you were interrupting me. Now. I can override the system and force it to do a return.”

Customer: *suddenly a gentleman, stepping back* “Oh. I apologize, ma’am. Please forgive me for—”

Me: “However, you will not be doing anymore returns.” *smiles and gestures toward the exit* “Please leave.”

Customer: “F*** you, b****! What are you gonna do?”

Me: “I’m going to call the police in five seconds. You’ve been rude, tried to intimidate me, and sexually assaulted me when you poked me in the chest.”

Customer: “You don’t—”

Me: “One…”

Customer: “Don’t act like—”

Me: “Two…”

Customer: “F****** c*** can’t tell me s***!”

Me: “Three…” *I pull out my phone*

Customer: “Bulls***.”

Me: “Four…” *I put my phone to my ear*

Customer: “Man, f*** you and your p****-a** store!”

(He stormed out of the store. The customer service associate told me he wanted to return a blender that didn’t work anymore. If he hadn’t been so rude, I would have gladly helped him out.)

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An Ocean Of Grievances

, , , , , , | Right | January 22, 2020

I was skippering a large charter boat off the west coast of South Africa in the 1990s. We took a group of passengers up the coast and stopped off at an island overnight, where we fed them freshly-caught crayfish, BBQ, and all sorts of rich food. The party went on well into the night and many bottles of booze were consumed against the advice of me and my crew.

In the morning, the wind had changed direction and was picking up strongly. The sailing got rougher and rougher, and as captain, I decided to ask the passengers to stay below deck.

Suddenly, one of the passengers ran on to the deck to be ill and, understandably, given how ill he was feeling, had a little breakdown and started screaming abuse and demanding to be taken to shore. I explained that, as we were more than 30 miles from the nearest harbour, nothing could be done.

That’s when he crossed over to the dark side and threatened to kill us before trying to jump overboard to swim for shore. I caught him before he was over the railings and managed to pin him to the deck while he was screaming, trying to bite and punch me, and generally behaving like a crazy person. As I was holding him down, his girlfriend leapt onto my back, also screaming like a banshee, and started hitting me in the head with a shoe.

That’s when I decided I’d had enough and released my inner Captain Bligh, muscling both of them into the aft lazarette, a small stowage area on the boat, and locking them in the tiny enclosed space for the eight hours it took me to get them to shore. Their friends tried to protest and were informed that if they didn’t like it they were welcome to join them and so we sailed in solemn, bitter silence until we hit the wharf.

I released the wayward couple there and watched as they staggered to shore, covered in vomit, and stalked down the pier without a backward glance, never to be seen again.

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Not “Closing” In To Her Point

, , , | Right | January 22, 2020

(Our location is closing. There are other branches nearby, but people are still closing their accounts. I’ve stopped trying to retain customers, because I’ve gotten screamed at, cussed out, and/or personally blamed for the branch closing when I try.)

Customer #1: “Hello, I’d like to close my account.”

Me: “I can take care of that for you. I just need your ID.”

(She hands it over.)

Me: “Okay, you’ve got [amount] left in your checking. Would you like cash or a cashier’s check?”

Customer #1: “I’m closing it because you’re closing.”

Me: “Yep, we’ve gotten a lot of that, and I will take care of the account closing process for you. I just need to know if you want cash or a check.”

Customer#1: “I’m going to [Competitor].”

(She stares at me expectantly.)

Me: “Whatever works best for you, ma’am. Cash or check?”

Customer #1: “They’re not closing.”

Me: “That’s great. So, the fee for a cashier’s check is [amount], and I can just take that out of what’s left in your account.”

Customer #1: “What?! No! I want cash!”

Me: “All right. Please sign here.”

(She signs. I count her cash back.)

Me: “And your account is closed. I see you had a debit card, as well. I’ve deactivated it for you. Your online banking login is also deactivated. I’m not sure if you had checks on this account, but you can shred them. Or, if you’d prefer, you can bring them in, and we’ll shred them for you. Can I get you anything else?”

Customer #1: “Oh, so you actually closed it?”

Me: “Yes, ma’am. That’s what you asked me to do.”

Customer#1: “I guess I’ll go to [Competitor] now.”

(She sighs dramatically and continues to stare at me. The line is building behind her.)

Me: “Ma’am? Is there something else I can help you with?”

(She walks out slowly, continuing to sigh dramatically. I call the next customer up.)

Customer #2: “I’m also closing my account. Here’s my ID, I’d love a cashier’s check, you can take the fee out of my remaining funds, I’ve already cut up my debit card, and I’m not going to [Competitor].” *laughs* “Where do I sign?”

(I hand him a withdrawal slip.)

Me: “Right here. Thank you!”

Customer #2: “It’s no problem at all. You’ve got way more patience than I’d have in that situation.”

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