A Handy Comeback

, , , , | Right | April 19, 2019

(I work in a popular, fairly cheap bakery and food-on-the-go retailer in the UK. We have a range of sandwiches, including several we can heat, but those are packaged in obvious brown packaging. We can’t heat any other sandwiches because of the ingredients.)

Customer: *handing me a cheese salad sandwich* “Hey, can you toast this for me?”

Me: “No, sorry, sir. We can only toast the sandwiches in the brown wrappers.”

Customer: “You won’t toast this one?”

Me: “No, sorry. Did you still want it?”

Customer: *pauses* “How am I supposed to eat it, then?”

(This isn’t said aggressively, but rather as if he’s utterly confused about this conundrum.)

Me: “Most people eat them with their hands; I don’t know about you.”

(There was a moment of stunned silence, and then he paid and left. Thankfully, my manager thought it was absolutely hilarious and I didn’t get written up!)

Telling Her “No” Has A Nice Ring To It

, , | Right | April 19, 2019

(I work for several years for a jewelry company. My main job is to run the repairs desk and take orders for the jewelers. One day, I am helping a sweet, elderly lady who wants to have her husband’s few pieces of jewelry melted down into a necklace. They were married for over 50 years and he recently passed away, and I am honored to help her. We are in the middle of her scheduled appointment when a well-dressed, middle-aged woman marches into the store and approaches my desk.)

Me: *to the first customer, [Lady #1]* “I think this design would work very well; it’s simple and you can use the stone from your husband’s other ring in the center.”

Lady #1: “I do like that! Do you think we could—“

Lady #2: *walks up and slaps her purse onto the counter to get my attention* “I need my rings cleaned and rhodium plated!”

Me: “Of course, ma’am. If you don’t mind waiting just a few minutes, I’ll be with you as soon as I’m done with this customer.”

Lady #2: “I said, I need my rings cleaned!” *holds up her hand, which is weighed down by a massive diamond ring and multiple diamond bands* “This is important! I need them clean for an event tonight!”

Me: “I completely understand, ma’am; however, this lady was already here for a scheduled appointment. I can also see if another employee can assist you, if you don’t have time to wait for me.”

Lady #2: “This is unacceptable! I insist you help me right now! I need these done in ten minutes!”

Lady #1: *whispers to me* “If you need to take care of her…”

Me: *to [Lady #1]* “No, it’s okay Mrs. [Lady #1].” *to [Lady #2]* “Ma’am, even if I was free to help you, which, unfortunately, I am not, the jewelers would need at least an hour to properly clean that many rings, check the prongs for diamond security, and then replate the rhodium coating.”

([Lady #2] makes a growl-like sound and stomps across the store. I see her talking to my manager and pointing at me.)

Lady #1: “Oh, my… I hope you won’t be in trouble, [My Name].”

Me: “Don’t worry; my manager will help her.”

(I’m finishing up [Lady #1]’s order request. Right around the same time, I see [Lady #2] stomp out of the store, get into the back of an expensive car, and drive away. [Lady #1] is so appreciative that we’ll be able to help her create a keepsake to remember her husband by, and I make sure we’ve got everything she needs before walking her out of the store. On my way back to my counter, the manager pulls me aside.)

Manager: “I just want you to know that you did the right thing. Mrs. [Lady #1] is a good customer and her husband bought gifts for her from us for years.”

Me: “Thank you. What was the emergency with that other woman?”

Manager: “You didn’t recognize her?”

Me: “No… Was I supposed to?”

Manager: *laughs* “That was [Large Tech Company CEO]’s wife. She refuses to make appointments to have her work done.”

Me: “So, she expected me to drop my appointment with a sweet, eighty-year-old lady and help her, instead?”

Manager: *sighs* “Yes. Usually, I try to grab her as soon as she comes in, but I missed her this time.”

Me: “Well, at least I know to look out for her now.”

(From then on, Mrs. [Lady #2] refused to work with anyone but the manager, which was fine with me. [Lady #1]’s necklace turned out perfectly; she even hugged me and cried a little when she picked it up. That, of course, made me cry, too! She still comes in every once in a while to have her necklace cleaned, and says people always ask her about her necklace.)

The Customer Is Not Always Copyright, Part 4

, , , , , , | Right | April 19, 2019

(I am walking across the floor when an elderly man approaches me, holding a photo. He is very gruff throughout the entire interaction; I am very chipper, as that is my permanent state of being while at work.)

Customer: “Can you help me?”

Me: “I certainly can. What do you need?”

Customer: “I need to copy this picture.”

(I can see this picture was taken by a professional and has their copyright on it. I know that we can copy these pictures only if it’s been 70 years since the photographer’s death, but this picture is not that old.)

Me: “I see. When was it taken?”

Customer: “Ten years ago. Why?”

Me: “I see. Well, it’s got a copyright there, and it was taken by a professional, so we can’t legally copy them.”

Customer: “I’ll just cut it off, then.”

Me: “It was still taken by a professional.”

(He visibly starts getting angry, and waves the picture around.)

Customer: “Then where can I take it?”

Me: “I don’t know, sir. I’m sorry.”

Customer: “Well, do you have a cutter?!”

Me: “I don’t have one customers can use.”

Customer: “This is ridiculous!”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir—”

Customer: “No, you’re not!”

(And with that he marched away, while inside my head I definitely rescinded the “sorry.”)

Related:
The Customer Is Not Always Copyright, Part 3
The Customer Is Not Always Copyright, Part 2
The Customer Is Not Always Copyright

Loves To Follow Orders – If They Have One

, , , , , | Right | April 19, 2019

(I do data entry for a company that supplies drug stores with their merchandise. The way our system works is that the customer will phone our office, get our answering machine, and leave a recorded message with their order. I will then play the message later and enter the order on my computer. I can count on the following happening at least once a week:)

Person On Recording: “Hi, [Company]. Here’s my order…” *gives order*

Me: “Oh, great. They didn’t give their name or their store, and the computer won’t let me start entering their order unless we know who it’s for.”

Person On Recording: *continues*

Me: “I hope this is a short order…”

Person On Recording: *keeps talking*

Me: “Maybe I can recognize their voice? …Nope.”

Person On Recording: *keeps talking*

Me: “Please, please, have them say who they are at the end of the message! I’ll have to rewind and listen to the whole thing again, but at least I’ll be able to enter it.”

Person On Recording: “…and that’s it. Thanks!” *hangs up*

Me: “Aw, crap.”

(We don’t have call display in these days, so I have no hope of knowing who the order is for. Then, the next day, this usually happens.)

Caller: “WHERE’S MY ORDER?!”

Aren’t They Just A Ham?

, , , , | Right | April 19, 2019

(At our deli, we have to change gloves whenever we switch from handling a meat to handling a cheese and vice versa. As such, we go through fewer gloves and move the line quicker if we slice as much of one product as we can before switching, so I’ll often gently try to guide the customer into ordering based on what I handled last. This exact interaction happens several times daily.)

Me: “Hello! Thank you for your patience! Are you ordering any cheese today?”

Customer: “Half a pound of honey ham.”

(I change gloves and slice their ham.)

Me: “Anything else for you today?”

Customer: “A quarter-pound of American cheese.”

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