Riding In On Blazing Saddles

(A man comes into my store looking a bit irate. He pulls out an unwrapped DVD case of Mel Brooks’ “History of the World, Part I.”)

Customer: “I’d like to return this and get my money back!”

Me: “Was there something wrong with it?”

Customer: “I opened it up and there was no disc inside!”

(I open the DVD case to indeed find no disc inside.)

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but I can’t refund your money. This is something you’d need to take up with the manufacturer. This does happen rarely, but I can help get the contact info for the manufacturer if you’d like.”

Customer: “What!? Are you serious!? I want to talk to a manager!”

(My manager comes over and explains the same thing to him, how it’s outside of our policy to refund an item if there is no item to refund. The customer finally accepts this, but is livid.)

Customer: “Fine! Well, do you have History of the World, Part II then?”

Me: “Um… sir, that movie doesn’t exist.”

Customer: “Yes it does! I saw it once!”

Manager: “No, sir. There is a fake trailer at the end of History of the World, Part I. The one with Hitler ice skating.”

Customer: “Yeah! That’s the one! Where is it!?”

Manager: “Sir, like we already told you, it was fake. There is no History of the World, Part II.”

Customer: *storms out*