Returns Making You Sweat

I am working returns for a large US retail chain when this older customer comes up to my register. I go through all the formalities and greetings — all the stuff you have to say to the customer even though all you want to do is process their return as fast as possible with as little talking as possible. The customer wants to return a light green sweater from one of the more pricey brands we have in the store.

I scan the receipt and scan the tag on the item. One of the things the system requires us to ask is if anything is wrong with the item or not. If we hit no, it goes through; if we hit yes, we have to figure out if we can put it in salvage or if we have to defect it.

Me: “Is there anything wrong with this item?”

Customer: “Yes, it’s very cold.”

Me: *Pauses* “Excuse me?”

Customer: “The fabric is very cold, feel it? I got it because I wanted it to keep me warm, but it just made me cold, instead!”

I’m currently holding the slowly warming sweater in my hands.

Me: “Yes, I feel it, but ma’am, it’s a sweater that you’ve only tried once. Of course, the fabric is going to be cool until you wear it long enough.”

Customer: “But it’s still cold. It didn’t keep me warm when I went outside.”

I’m currently regretting all of my life choices.

Me: “Well, ma’am, unfortunately, sweaters don’t keep you as warm as jackets do, but I will be happy to return this for you.”

Store policy is that customers can return items for any reason as long as they have proof of purchase and the items are still in good condition or were broken within the thirty-day return period. I go through the rest of the transaction and hand her the receipt confirming the return was successful.

Customer: “Oh, thank you so much! Maybe I’ll go see if I can find another sweater here that will actually keep me warm.”