Returns Abhor A Vacuum

, , , | Right | November 2, 2018

(I was a customer service manager for a company that insists on calling its customers “guests.” We had built a reputation for our flexible return policy. I’m near the cash registers and get a call on my walkie-talkie for “guest assistance” at the return desk. I approach to see a middle-aged man with a vacuum cleaner.)

Me: “What can I help with? Did you need some assistance, sir?”

Customer: “I bought this vacuum from you guys and it doesn’t work. I want to return it.”

(I notice that the vacuum is extremely dirty and heavily-used; however, due to our return policy that allows for it, I decide to move forward.)

Me: “That’s no problem, sir. Do you have the receipt?”

Customer: “I do.”

(He hands me the receipt. It is two years old.)

Me: “Oh… I’m sorry, sir, but I can’t do this return for you. Our company policy is a return with the receipt or card the item was purchased within 60 days, or 90 days with [Store Credit Card]. This receipt is two years old.”

Customer: “That’s what the girl behind the counter said, but I want my money back! It doesn’t work!”

Me: “Well… It looks like it worked for a while.”

Customer: “No! I took it out of the box and it didn’t work!”

Me: “You left it in the box for two years?”

Customer: “YES! Now tell this b*** to give me my money back! I bought it from you. It’s your responsibility to return my money!”

Me: “Well, sir, I’m sorry, but I can’t complete this return for you. You had two years to figure out it didn’t work. If you’re so desperate to get your money back, you can always try scamming the manufacturer out of their warranty. Have a nice day.”

Customer: “I’m calling your boss! You’ll take this broken piece of s*** whether you like it or not!”

Me: “You can always leave it in the garbage on your way out. Have a nice day.”

(The customer leaves, angrily banging the vacuum on things as he heads out the door.)

Coworker: “‘I took it out of the box and it was broken!’ Was that before or after he vacuumed the whole neighborhood?”

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