Retort Against Those Who Extort

(My mother is in her seventies, and she is shopping at a thrift store when she spots a beautiful bamboo bookcase.)

Clerk: “Hi. Do you need some help?”

Mom: “I am interested in the shelf, but I have to go home first and do some measuring.”

Clerk: “No problem; I’ll make sure it’s still here when you get back.”

(After getting home, measuring, and seeing it will fit, she calls me to ask if I can go with her to pick it up if it is still there. We get to the store, where she walks over to the bookshelf and shows me. About a second later, a customer walks up to us.)

Customer: “I’m actually buying this shelf… but how much would you be willing to give me not to buy this?”

(My mom and I look at each other in disbelief, and before I can even think of what to say to this idiot, the clerk from earlier immediately steps in:)

Clerk: “Sorry, sir. This lady was here earlier and was going to buy it, but she had to run home and take measurements first.”

Customer: “Well, that’s not fair. I was just ready to buy this!”

Clerk: “Sorry. She gets first pick.”

Mom: *looking at the customer with a big grin* “And I decided I’ll take it.”

Clerk: *with an even bigger grin* “Let me go ahead and ring you up, and you also get a senior discount!”

(We spent the next few minutes cashing out while the customer just stood there and stared at us the whole time, and then stood out in the parking lot and kept staring at us with a butt-hurt look while I loaded it on the car, pausing here and there to give him a big “f*** you” grin. Thank you, awesome clerk, for putting that a**hole in his place for trying to extort money from the elderly!)

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