Respect Your Zombie Elders

(I am a customer at a very popular superstore in my town. I have my five-year-old daughter in line with me. An elderly customer is in front of me talking to the cashier.)

Cashier: “Hello, how can I help—”

Customer: “How dare you.”

Cashier: “Excuse me?”

Customer: “How dare you wear that keychain!”

Cashier: “I don’t understand.”

Customer: “That!”

(The customer points at the cashier’s keychain, which has a zombie on it.)

Customer: “How could you support that man in Florida? He ate another man’s face while he was naked! How dare you!”

(The cashier is completely stunned, but my daughter suddenly steps up to the aggravated woman.)

My Daughter: “Lady, that man wasn’t a zombie. He was just crazy. Zombie’s aren’t real! You should know that. You’re about a hundred!”