(My dad purchases a new plunger, and is in the bathroom telling my mom how to use it.)
Dad: *sarcastically* “You know, for the new plunger, you have to pull the handle out before you can use it.”
Mom: “I know how to use a plunger.”
Sister: “Are you sure? You know you’ve got to put it in the toilet, right? And then push.”
Me: “And then pull.”
Sister: “And then push.”
Me: “And then pull.”
Sister: “And then push.”
Me: “And then pull.”
Sister: “And then you’ve got to take it out of the toilet before you sit down.”
(Dad starts cracking up.)
Mom: “I hate all of you.”
(We are gathered around an otter exhibit at the aquarium.)
Father: “What’s the otter’s name?”
Son: “Buddy!”
Father: “You call everybody ‘Buddy’, buddy!”
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Mother: “Wheel of Fortune…Deal or No Deal…what other game shows does daddy like?”
Child: “Shake your booty!”
Father: *laughs* “I haven’t seen that one. Sounds like an after-hours show!”
(We are sitting around the dinner table eating as a family.)
Dad: *clearly thinking something* “I like… I like movies.”
Brother: “Okay?”
Dad: “I like movies… like Lord of the Rings.”
Mom: “Jim… no you don’t.”
Dad: *shrugging* “I know.”
(My brother has just came back from vacation in Virginia. Our sister-in-law, who is 20, sees him pull out cash to pay for the airport parking.)
Sister-in-law: “You switched your Virginia money back to Florida money already?”
