(I work a summer job in a Wiccan store. A father walks in.)

Me: “Welcome to [store], how may I help you?”

Father: “My daughter wants to be a witch.”

Me: “Okay sir, how old is she?”

Father: “15.”

Me: “Sir, do you mean witch, or ‘witch’?”

Father: *giving me a curious look as I was making air quotes around ‘witch’* “Why are you asking?”

Me: “Because, sir, the legal age for joining a coven is 18. She’s too young, I’m afraid.”

(My co-worker chimes in.)

Co-worker: “Is she here?”

Father: “Yes, she’s outside.”

Co-worker: “The one with the big dog?”

Father: “Yes.”

Daughter: *from outside* “Dad! Stop making me be a witch! It’s a school project!”

Me: “She can come in if she wants to. We’re harmless.”

Father: “What would she need to get started being a witch? I found drawings of stars and knives and cauldrons in her room, along with a book. It’s witchcraft I tell you!”

Me: “What book was it?”

Father: “The Crucible.”

Me: “Ah. You may want to check with her school. And read the book.”

(I am watching a movie with my son. I have stayed until the end credits to watch a bonus scene.)

Son: “Dad, someone kept yelling ‘Thor’. Who’s Thor?”

Me: “Thor, in Norse mythology, was the god of thunder.”

Me: “No, he’s not! Gene Simmons is the god of thunder!”

(I work at a movie theatre. A father walks in with a relatively small child in tow.)

Father: “Hi, I’d like one for The Expendables.”

Me: “Okay. How old is your child?”

Father: “He’s three. He gets in free, right?”

Me: “Yes, sir. He does.”

Child: “But daddy, I’m five! I’m five, Daddy, I’m five!”

Father: “Dang it, Darrell!” *turns back to me* “Two for The Expendables.”

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(I am a customer shopping through DVD sales on Black Friday. A young boy runs up to look as well.)

Boy: “Look, Dad! Star Wars!”

(The boy picks up the movie and looks closer. It is Episode 2, with Hayden Christensen and Natalie Portman on the cover.)

Boy: “Wait. This isn’t the real Star Wars. What is this? Hey, Dad, why are they pretending to be Star Wars?”

This story is part of our Star Wars roundup!

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(I am in the fish department of a pet store. A father and son are browsing the wall of fish. They stop at a tank full of orange and black striped fish. The father points some out.)

Father: “Look, son. It’s Nemo!”

Son: *around five years old* “No, Dad. That’s a clown fish.”

Father: *shuts up*