(My boyfriend, mom, sister and I are having dinner outside during summer.)
Me: *scratching my chest* “Ouch! I have so many mosquito bites. One just bit my boob!”
Sister: “What boob? You don’t have any.”
Mom: “Hey! Maybe with that bite you can finally fill out that bra and give your boyfriend something to look at!”
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(I overhear a conversation between a mother and her five-year-old daughter. She piles over $100 in merchandise on the counter and keeps going back for more.)
Mother: “Sweetie, what do we do when daddy makes mommy angry?”
Daughter: “Run his bank book dry!”
(I overhear a conversation. A little girl is stomping around, singing and yelling noisily in the changing rooms at a large clothing store.)
Mother: *from inside cubicle* “Shhh, sweetheart, shhh. Be a good girl.”
(The little girl continues stomping around, singing and yelling noisily, completely ignoring her mother.)
Grandmother: *from inside her cubicle* “Don’t talk to her in that stupid way; shout! Make her shut up.”
Mother: “She’s all right; she’s a good girl. Shhh, sweetheart, shush now.”
(The little girl gets noiser.)
Grandmother: “You’re a bit silly sometimes, love. I’ll sort her out. [Little Girl], come here a minute. Come and see Nanny.”
Little Girl: “What, Nanny?”
(The grandmothers cubicle door opens. The little girl screams.)
Little Girl: “Mommy, Nanny flashed me!”
Mother: “Mom! That’s not the way we handle these things!”
Grandmother: “[Little Girl], be quiet or I’ll do it again, all right?”
(The little girl is freaked out and stays silent.)
Grandmother: *villainous laugh*
(The children are hanging out in front of the TV.)
Mom: “Don’t hit your brother.”
Daughter: “But, dad told me to!”
Mom: “And you listened?”
Daughter: “Um, yeah! It was a chance to hit my brother!”
Mom: “So, what’s this we’re having for dinner?”
Grandma: “It’s… marinada…. marinade… Marijuana sauce!”
Me: “Grandma, it’s marinara sauce!”
This story is part of our Gorgeous Grandmas roundup!
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