(My mom and I are watching ‘The Wizard of Oz’ on TV.)
Mom: “It’s been colorized.”
Me: “Well, yea. But it was colorized originally. It was always in color. That was their big selling point.”
Mom: “I remember it was black and white whenever I saw it as a kid.”
Me: “Uh, did you watch it on television?”
(Mom’s light-bulb goes on.)
Mom: “Of course, we had a black-and-white TV!”
(I am 13 months younger than my older sister and was, suffice it to say, unplanned.)
Me: “I would never want to have kids so close together. Two years at least, I think.”
Dad: “Well, what can I say. You were kind of an accident.”
Mom: “Honey, don’t tell her that! She’ll think we didn’t want her!”
Dad: “Okay, dear.” *looks at me* “You weren’t an accident.”
Mom: “Thank you!”
Dad: “You were more of an ‘Oh, crap!’”
Mom: “Honey!”
(At this point I am laughing too hard to even protest.)
(My in-laws and I are sitting around at Thanksgiving. My sister-in-law, as if suddenly having some sort of epiphany, jumps up shouting.)
Sister-in-law: “I just found out the United States is the only country that celebrates the 4th of July. Can you believe that?!”
(An inspector is walking through the tram checking tickets. A man and a boy aged about three are sitting behind me.)
Father: “I’m really sorry. He likes to hold the tickets, and he must have dropped them.”
Boy: “No, I didn’t, daddy.”
Father: *over his son* “I just looked down and they were gone.”
Boy: *scandalised* “Daddy! You said we didn’t need tickets today!”
(It’s my day off. During the day it’s usually just my grandparents at home. They’re watching a movie. We have lots of pets, four of them are parrots. One of them likes to join conversations.)
Grandpa: “What just happened?”
Grandma: “He just when shoot dah guy!”
Parrot: “Huh?”
Grandma: *shouting* “I said he just when shoot dah guy!”
Grandpa: “I heard you dah first time!”
Parrot: “What?”
Grandpa: “I said I already heard you!”
Grandma: “Why are you yelling at me? I’m not deaf!”
Parrot: “Why?”
(From here it dissolves to bickering, meanwhile all four parrots start laughing. Best day off ever.)
